I hope this story isn't based on reality. At least not on your reality. But it seems like it could be, and if it is, you're better off without David and Veronica in your life, hard as that may be for you to believe at the moment.
Did you edit it? A bit of proofreading perhaps? Just the first line even? Give your readers a chance to appreciate your work.
hope the 2 creeps rot in hell
What a way for two cowardly ass bitches to destroy another person's life. I hope it was worth it for Veronica to destroy her long friendship with Bailey.
All the signs were there things weren't right, too bad it took Bailey seeing them in the act to finally get a clue. I feel sorry for Bailey but a small part of me don't. She saw what she wanted and changed herself for that fool. I can hear her mother blaming the white race for the reason David cheated. Her mom must have some bad history with the white race.
I hope there is another chapter.
By the way Im not a grammar guru. I'm working on getting an editor. I just wanted to get this story out to see how well it would do. I am currently working on the second chapter. The second chapter would be edited hopefully. Thank you for taking the time out to read my baby!! ツ
when veronica comes up throat cut i hope she has an alibi. no person should give up the family and everything else for someone else but the friend going behind her back needs to be put right. karma says kill the bitch and cripple the dick.
Getting an editor would help but frankly your english is so bad you really need to go back and learn the language. An editor would have to just about re-write the story to get past your bad grammar.
That was rude as hell and no true at all. I was almost on the same level as this when I posted my first story and I didn't need to re learn the language to improve. It's hard to be an author because things aren't fluently flowing while typing as they are while reading. Sentences are choppy in your mind so it's hard to recognize tense mistakes. Writing is harder than it looks and a little more practice and re reading will do this story just fine.
Nice start honey.
David is an asshole and Veronica is a straight up bitch. I want both of those individuals to suffer great pains. Why wasn't Bailey working? She was giving asshole the wife benefits without being married, so stupid! More please!
Well besides the Grammar issues. Id like to tell you that the plot would have been developped better. Im no expert in these kind of topics but you have to make it more realistic some people are ruthless and cruel but try not to take it to a point where the reader notices such fantastic plot. Dont be so sudden with all this i dont give a shit about you thing, devellop it because when i saw how indifferent they were i lost track of realness...hmm i see something is wrong with davidrather than saying hes bored. Or maybe hes a dick. Either way good plot
@CoCiNiy101 Thank you so much for your comment it means a lot. I love all of your work!!! Thank you for having my back. Writing is not easy. I am still learning about myself as a writer. I LOVE writing!!! No matter what anyone says I am going to keep writing. :)
@gordo12 WOW tell me how you really feel, but I could careless about how you feel. You are one of many people who are going to say something so rude and cold. I can't please everybody. As long as some people like my story than none, I am very grateful for that!
And to everyone else who likes my baby thank you so much for reading it and giving me great tips. I would keep those in mind. There will be a second chapter.! :)
Although there was some grammar error I still enjoyed this story... I hope theirs more to come
What a bullshit ending. Both of them are blaming her for everything when the cheating shithead has been fucking around on his girlfriend for 3 YEARS. Completely inexcusable, and while being a fool for love can be excused, being a dumb cunt who takes all the blame is stupid as shit. The sad thing is that there are plenty of women dumb enough to buy the line David is spewing about it being her fault.
Too realistic. I didn't come here to read about stupid bitches who fuck over their best friends, and their equally stupid best friends who accept all the blame for it. Sick.
Keep it going. It was too short, and except for some grammatical errors was a good tale.
Be more realistic, no woman is going to take what he did just like that. Good plot thou
Fuck, don't post ANYTHING else til you have an editor and the story actually has some substance, that was more like an outline than an actual story and was painful to read. 2*
Thank you so much for your comment! I love all your work!!! ♥
You guys don't have to be so rude!! This my first submission. Like I said I'm not a grammar guru!!! If you don't have any nice and respectful comments or tips. Don't say anything at all!! It's that easy. ツ
It was a really good start and can't wait to see the next installment. It was painful, and as enlightening as a razor blade, sometimes it's too much reality for some people. Not every woman reacts to the death of a relationship the same way, and most of us don't want to admit to having an complete prick leave tire tread all over our face and not be able to breathe let alone be able to tell him the multiple ways he can go fuck himself. Not to mention getting cheated on and swearing you didn't see it coming when there were signs all along...it happens everyday. I want to read how this character is gonna get passed this moment because anyone who can admit to relating would.
I think I just died a little reading this. Please continue, I need closure.
This reads a bit sophomoric, well beyond the glaring grammatical errors. You don't have to be a grammar guru to write, good editors can catch that; but you should have a grasp of basic language writing skill. And this seemed to be lacking in this first introduction to your writing style. It was a very difficult read. I don't say this to be cruel, I only hope that it will help you as you hone your skills. Overall the plot can be developed a bit more but I'm sure you will explore that in future chapters.
Best of luck.
So the grammar wasn't the greatest.....but however the story line is good, if you give the characters some development and depth you will have a winner on your hands......and oh yeah putting my bid in for the two assholes ta get got!!!!!!!
the other can just tack it on. TK U MLJ LV NV p/s just wait for your turn...mlj
I love the story good plot i want to see how this story develop. And for those who is critizing her work why you fools post a story on here. Don't read the story if you going to make disrespectful and rude comments. One thing you people fail to realize that this is a free reading site these authors are not getting paid to write their stories they write for enjoyment and to perfect their writing skills especially if this is their first time writing a story to post. I don't like people that don't have respect for people that are trying their hands at writing. Continue to write don't get discourage by nasty rude people on here. I hope David and Veronica gets what is coming to them. Please let Bailey meet a good man. Im thinking a nemesis of David that is way nicer than David and is well like in the business world that should shake things up for David and Veronica to watch his nemesis date Bailey and treat her like a queen remember this just my idea.
Please write a follow up to this, it can't be the end. i mean at least i hope it isn't
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