Hannah & Kyle Over the Edge Ch. 01

keep it up

Hey not bad a few more details other then that I look forward to the next chapter

Not bad, but

sex scene is lacking of expression. It is almost blank. Only words, no feelings.

does

Does the character have some kind of speach problem? Indicated by "Pu-u-u-sssssyyyyy" and other similar kinds of bad spelling.

spelling? look to yourself!

'speach' problem? You twit! The drawn-out 'pu-u-sss--yyyy' type spelling is not a word but a phonetic transcription of the sort of gasping sounds you expect in this situation, so spelling doesn't come into it. More to the point - grow up! This is an erotic story (and a good one) so the only thing rthat matters is the sex. Jerk off and quit criticising, especially if you can't spell yourself!

so-so

needed more background to tell who they are where they are living where the parents are and it needs a longer build up. this also needs an end so a second chapter is needed.

.

Quit writing. You can't.

Dumb Ass

The first person to comment did not spell speech correctly.

You know...

...never could understand people who leave comments like "Quit writing. You can't." There's nothing wrong with this story. A little quick, and I would have liked a little more foreplay, but I thought it was decently written and entertaining.

Good Job

To the point without all the crap most stories start with. For all those who want charactor development and background buy a love novel. This is porn and a good one at that...

Really liked the story.

Short and sweet

Nice first story.
Easy and sweet.
Build on it.

You can :-)

Short & Sexy

The concept is nice, build up was fine. Do continue this.

not good

it's assholes like captronbob that ruin this site. THIS IS NOT A PORN SITE IT IS AN EROTIC STORIES SITE. erotic stories NEED proper build up and proper detail as well as a proper end this had none of them and needs a total rewrite.