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English
good start
I like the potential in this story but I feel like it was just too short for a first chapter. Had you slowed down the pace of this first installment a bit I think the story would have been much stronger. In the future take the time to introduce the characters and provide more background information about the plot. It had a rushed feeling throughout the whole story and I had trouble getting invested with the small amount of information available.
As I said before a good start but this story could be really great if you flesh out out a bit more. I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
Good Start
Hi
Your story has alot of promise but it felt rushed...you put too much info in this short chpt....so much so, that felt like a summary with a bit of dialouge thrown in....
Advice to you... use this same chapt and flesh it out... the info you have here can be used for 2 or even 3 chapters.... make the story more realistic...... if you want you can email me since im an editor so i could help you
Thanks
I appreciate the feedback. I promise the next chapter will be more spaced and longer. I am new to this so I need as much help as I can get.
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