F3 Wave!

Really Good Entry

I think I loved the theme of this one. I could see this happening, obviously, from the picture given for the exercise.

I liked the plot a lot. The wife's worrying with tedious things and eyeing the other guy with dreadlocks and all, and how a huge disaster brought things into focus for her. So the content of your story here is rich, I think.

There were a few parts that bothered me a bit. Some things felt a bit "fast" or sudden, and it wasn't the sections with the tidal wave because those were sudden for a reason and worked. Some parts simply had me wanting to see more. The descriptions you gave of the wave and it's devastation were great, but I felt that as it was coming, I wanted to "be there" more. I wanted that tension and dread and pandemonium. I wanted to see that swell a little more.

On another note, I felt like I was told a lot instead of shown. Now that's fine, its just my preference as a reader. But I'd like to have seen the flirting between Jomo and the new bride, maybe through dialogue or something. And for the sex, it was good and I like that the disaster happened in the middle of it, but I couldn't get much feeling from the characters. Just a bit quick and cold.

I did love the sense of solitude and despair you built in the tree. I started to wonder if she was doomed, if her hubby was okay, all that. Good work there. And the scene you painted was my favorite from the story. Calm indifferent devastation. Mother nature at her finest.

Overall, I really enjoyed this story. Your concept from the picture was a great idea, and using it as a backdrop for the newlyweds relationship and the bride's "epiphany" was great. Great FAWC entry and good luck.

the ditz is the slut he is married to, saved from adultry this time, who knows next

better she had died

You really went out of your way to make the new bride totally despicable and unlikable. Maybe you succeeded too well, because I didn't feel like she had changed. A few thoughts about her husband while stuck in a tree, and then she's making out with a local boy, and on the verge of having sex, after only being married a few days. I felt like any new feelings she had for her husband would be temporary, and she'd be back to being a total bitch within hours.

Hubby was clueless and not much better, a complete wimp with the wife, and a superhero to everyone else.

The setting was good, the scenario excellent. The story would have been better if she wasn't so detestable. The ending seemed very rushed, and if we had more time to see the changes in her, it might have worked better.

I don't like that wife.

I can't imagine that someone is nice before the wedding but a bitch after. She was ready to replace him at the drop of a hat. I disagree that the husband was a wimp. She pulled a bait and switch. He was a nice guy. But seriously, it drives me nuts when complainers think they're better than non-complainers. Like they have higher standards, so that makes them better.

I loved the tsunami and the tree. Very well done.

Pow!

This one really packs a wallop. Most dramatic use of the image I've seen so far. The aftermath scene with the woman in the tree was powerful. I didn't feel the need to be given a flirt scene or to be hand held through a scene spelling out that the experience had changed the woman's attitude to get it. Guess I can figure some things out for myself.

Interesting idea

I liked it It reminded of that tsunami movie that came out recently. I thought perhaps the joy of being rescued/finding her in a tree went past joy to almost sex a bit too fast/awkwardly but aside of that I really liked it.

A great job

Good use of the picture and action packed.

Forget the bullshit above. I've seen the same reaction from brides after the wedding.
It rings tue all the way.

Good Job

Good characterization and plot and it did the picture justice.