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West of Eden: Arab-Israeli Lesbian

byScheherazade88©
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by Anonymous

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by FiveWolves11/18/13

Keep writing!

There are a lot of issues (grammar, pacing, sustaining interest) but you've presented some interesting characters and situations. I'd encourage you to work with one of the volunteer Literotica editors. Your writing will be stronger if you add dialogue and show us through actions who the characters are, rather than telling us.

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by Anonymous11/19/13

Is real?

A little more Zade, and a lot less Schehera, please. Telling this story ought to involve more than "...this happened, then this, then this...".

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by TaLtos602/23/14

Radicals need love too.

I'm guessing that language is a slight issue and it complicates the telling of an already complicated existence in the story. I enjoyed it anyway for the glimpses. Thank you.

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