I didn't care for Kim pt. 01 and almost didn't read pt. 02. This one is so much better, and I think one doesn't really need to read part 1 to appreciate the pt 2 story.
What can I write...you recovered well and...so did I!!!
Your first submission suggested that he was a wimp...NOT that he definitely was one!
I felt that he left that room bewildered, confused and disoriented and certainly not cognizant of what was going on. So, I guess I get to write...Told Ya to those who were sure that he was a wimp. If they read carefully, they would have seen the same signs of confusion on his part.
Okay, enough!
I thought this follow-up was spot on! Knowing the truth though I might have made an effort to rehab her - seemed as though she was worth it and she was drugged.
Ok, ok. I had to read this one again right quick. Brit, you sir have just redeemed yourself for the last few you've put out on here. This one is a classic.
I'd give you another 5 if I could, man. Great stuff!
Winterfoxx needs to re-read Ch1! There is nothing that outs Mark as a wimp! It IS easy to infer that, but Hubby's indecision mainly happens AFTER the drugging. He didn't dance well, and Sweetie did, so finding a friendly guy who could keep her busy on the dance floor is NOT a wimpy thing!
So, 2ndThought gets my nod!
However, in some fairness, Winterfoxx would have Mark, drugs or no, eviscerate Los Four Amigos before all of Sweetie's clothes were off ... with or without La Famiglia.
My main objection is that resorting to the TWO magic elixirs (actually, the trank for Hubby is NOT all that magic) is stretchy! -1
Part two read as though you saw the predictably low score(as high as they were was is proof that good writing talent counts for something), and you tried to salvage a ridiculous bad story situation. And you did it with the underworld boss/Seal Special forces/Government Assassin, what ever.
So he came off as a wimp. she a slut and suddenly he is supernatural enforcer.
Frankly I would rather he not remember anything of the night before, and have her go out out and buy a 22 caliber pistol, or a stun gun and a sharp knife and hunt the miscreants down one by one.
.
Just didn't do it for me
Part1 and part2 are two different stories..in part1 she leaves him and is out with rich men,in pt2 she is a whore working for the family,in pt 1 she doesnt want to talk to him,in pt2 she does but he doesnt.In pt1 she is a slut,in pt2 she is a rape victim since she was drugged..even with different pov they dont mesh.
Are you familiar with the phrase "cut your losses"...
... This story was doomed from the start and this feeble effort to fix it was just that, feeble. As cantbuymy said "quit digging" because there is no way out of this hole.
Poor sequel from the other perspective. Too many things different from pt 1 to pt2. This should explain what was going on in Kim's head. Needs to be way more detail about what happened after Mark left that resulting in Kim not coming home. Very poor effort, sorry.
Can't please some people can you. Odd how different readers come up with a completely different impression of the same story. Guess that's what life is about. Why do some readers keep on about me being upset by the low score for Kim 1, when I actually predicted that the score would be low. Why do I write stories like these? because I can. Because I enjoy the challenge, and that's why I try to explore a little bit out of the standard mould. Read some of Starstang's stories, and see how crazy some of his senarios are, which is great.
Thanks for reading anyway.
Britease while chapter 2 feels more like your usual tongue in cheek slightly over the top stories of the past, as others have said it doesn't really gel with the characters and events in chapter one which comes across as a way more serious/realistic style of story.
No disrespect ment, but its like chapters 1 and 2 were written by two different authors.
The Mark we see described in this story doesn't really seem to be the same person as Mark in the first story. Mark in the first story comes across as a bit of a hapless nebbish, but in the second story Mark is pretty obviously a strong, capable member of an organized crime family. There's nothing really wrong with this story as a story. It would stand alone as a decent little story all by itself. But I don't think it's particularly successful as a sequel to the initial story because of the disparity between the characterizations of Mark in the two stories.
If you had perhaps put something in either story that showed your readers how losing his wife forced Mark to change, to become the character he is in the second tale, then I think the second story could have worked as a sequel. As it is, not so much.
As a reader commenting on your work it's not my role to tell you what you ought to be writing, or to criticize your reasons for writing something. What I CAN do, though, is tell you whether or not I liked a story, and if possible, explain the reasons I feel that way.
I guess he wouldn't be after he'd recovered from the chemicals put into his drink. Or didn't some of you read that? I'm not bloody Shakespear you know, and a lot better at tennis than I am at writing, but getting a bit old for that.
I read the first chapter? Wife, Kids, sounded like a marriage.. now you indicate this was nothing more than a call girl, prostitute and pimp looking like a husband and wife setting up guys to roll over? I don't get it. I understand the narcotics added to their drinks, call it RAPE and retaliation then the husband and wife reconcile and live happily ever after. This was strange. Not like your other work. perhaps redo
Hey I think you need to write the sequel to this, like what I can see in chapter three is that Chris and his friends got her addicted to drugs and made her work for them as a call girl, so when Mark put Chris in a chair, Kim would be able to escape from them and return to Mark, then they can talk about her story in the next chapter/sequel and maybe Mark and Kim patch things up or something.
Britease you poor bugger, you can't win for losing.
From all the ridiculously stupid commentators you seem to attract, I would suggest you bottle your pheromones and sell it to a chemical company to add to their best pest control spray.
Not only would you make a fortune but your contribution to human evolution would be cleaning out the shallow end of the gene pool.
Cripes dude. I think U may have taken the writings of others to heart. There is a quality of human honesty in your writing and plenty of silent readers like it.
As in one of the worst from your work and pretty bad in general.
Didn't like the first one and loathed this one. Honestly, I didn't have the cathartic feeling, it was not very well written, I don't understand why you tried the twist ending since, by reading a little more, it makes no sense and the characters are... guhhh
Just guhhh
1 star and honestly, I doesn't deserve that either.
I like most of your writing. However, in this case, I'm less than enamoured when referencing 'Literotica' and 'writers'. It takes away the suspension of belief when reading, or watching, works of fiction. Mentioning yourself within the text sounds a bit arrogant and self-serving to me and not humourous enough for me to chuckle at and let it go. Otherwise the creativity is pretty good.
However Kim's character is very contradictory between her conversation in the bathroom and how she behaved subsequently. Saying she loved him and asking for it just one time...... to where she was later. There would have to have been some further confrontation between them, more than what is offered.
But a fun and surprising read nonetheless and maybe there will be a part 3.
No gangster's bros would have allowed what happened at the Hotel and as for Kim her IQ must be in the minus range if she thought she would get away with it. What a sorry pair, made for each other.
...your stories suffer more and more. Why is that, I wonder? You introduce characters with obviously 1-digit IQ´s, have them belittle "average guys" that - surprise - are connected with even dumber women...that construction has been used too often to be of any use to your readers. Too far fetched, I would think. There are some brilliant stories on this site, with a hell of a plot..why, do you think, those are different?
English
Better than Kim pt. 1
I didn't care for Kim pt. 01 and almost didn't read pt. 02. This one is so much better, and I think one doesn't really need to read part 1 to appreciate the pt 2 story.
see
good things do happen to those that sin dont they..they got what they der\served
Awesome!
A Nuke Strike shown from an Asshole's point of view. Outfuckin'standing!
5 Stars!
Nice Recovery
What can I write...you recovered well and...so did I!!!
Your first submission suggested that he was a wimp...NOT that he definitely was one!
I felt that he left that room bewildered, confused and disoriented and certainly not cognizant of what was going on. So, I guess I get to write...Told Ya to those who were sure that he was a wimp. If they read carefully, they would have seen the same signs of confusion on his part.
Okay, enough!
I thought this follow-up was spot on! Knowing the truth though I might have made an effort to rehab her - seemed as though she was worth it and she was drugged.
Thanks Brit, your never fail to entertain!
Go and sin no more....
and lo' he couldn't! Great amendment. A real BTB coming from a complete cuck story....
2nd Comment
Ok, ok. I had to read this one again right quick. Brit, you sir have just redeemed yourself for the last few you've put out on here. This one is a classic.
I'd give you another 5 if I could, man. Great stuff!
Awesome Recovery
Ok you redeemed yourself. Great response. A BTB story ending with an excellent twist. Well done. 5 big stars!!!
Good Read***
Thanks for sharing.
O THE GAMES PEOPLE PLAY
every night,,,,forgetting playing means paying. TK U MLJ LV NV
Just like always
He goes to easy on them, old Britease is a true teddy-bear softy.
When, oh when, is he ever going to show some real spunk and get a BTB story?
Oh Yeah
What a recovery. Just when I thought you were losing it you come back strong and give the knockout blow. Keep them coming.
Very much enjoyed this!
But you can't please everyone ... my only complaint was the change in Mark's character from first to second story.
I would have much rather you tried to raise the Phoenix directly out of the ashes of story 1 ... than switch horses.
My preferences aside, excellent read ... I enjoyed the creativity you used!
Ah. Hindsight is a wonderful tool.
A rasperry from the mosh pit. Keep 'em coming Brit.
Taking sides
Winterfoxx needs to re-read Ch1! There is nothing that outs Mark as a wimp! It IS easy to infer that, but Hubby's indecision mainly happens AFTER the drugging. He didn't dance well, and Sweetie did, so finding a friendly guy who could keep her busy on the dance floor is NOT a wimpy thing!
So, 2ndThought gets my nod!
However, in some fairness, Winterfoxx would have Mark, drugs or no, eviscerate Los Four Amigos before all of Sweetie's clothes were off ... with or without La Famiglia.
My main objection is that resorting to the TWO magic elixirs (actually, the trank for Hubby is NOT all that magic) is stretchy! -1
4*
Didn't do it
Part two read as though you saw the predictably low score(as high as they were was is proof that good writing talent counts for something), and you tried to salvage a ridiculous bad story situation. And you did it with the underworld boss/Seal Special forces/Government Assassin, what ever.
So he came off as a wimp. she a slut and suddenly he is supernatural enforcer.
Frankly I would rather he not remember anything of the night before, and have her go out out and buy a 22 caliber pistol, or a stun gun and a sharp knife and hunt the miscreants down one by one.
.
Just didn't do it for me
Chilley
Problem
Part1 and part2 are two different stories..in part1 she leaves him and is out with rich men,in pt2 she is a whore working for the family,in pt 1 she doesnt want to talk to him,in pt2 she does but he doesnt.In pt1 she is a slut,in pt2 she is a rape victim since she was drugged..even with different pov they dont mesh.
Are you familiar with the phrase "cut your losses"...
... This story was doomed from the start and this feeble effort to fix it was just that, feeble. As cantbuymy said "quit digging" because there is no way out of this hole.
Can't connect the dots
Poor sequel from the other perspective. Too many things different from pt 1 to pt2. This should explain what was going on in Kim's head. Needs to be way more detail about what happened after Mark left that resulting in Kim not coming home. Very poor effort, sorry.
pt.3
Once Mark found out that Kim was drug there is a good chance Kim could get back with Mark.
Perhaps using their resources of criminal to hunt down other bastards who date drug rape women ! ?
Authour comment
Can't please some people can you. Odd how different readers come up with a completely different impression of the same story. Guess that's what life is about. Why do some readers keep on about me being upset by the low score for Kim 1, when I actually predicted that the score would be low. Why do I write stories like these? because I can. Because I enjoy the challenge, and that's why I try to explore a little bit out of the standard mould. Read some of Starstang's stories, and see how crazy some of his senarios are, which is great.
Thanks for reading anyway.
Britease while chapter 2 feels more like your usual tongue in cheek slightly over the top stories of the past, as others have said it doesn't really gel with the characters and events in chapter one which comes across as a way more serious/realistic style of story.
No disrespect ment, but its like chapters 1 and 2 were written by two different authors.
I have to agree with Jounar
The Mark we see described in this story doesn't really seem to be the same person as Mark in the first story. Mark in the first story comes across as a bit of a hapless nebbish, but in the second story Mark is pretty obviously a strong, capable member of an organized crime family. There's nothing really wrong with this story as a story. It would stand alone as a decent little story all by itself. But I don't think it's particularly successful as a sequel to the initial story because of the disparity between the characterizations of Mark in the two stories.
If you had perhaps put something in either story that showed your readers how losing his wife forced Mark to change, to become the character he is in the second tale, then I think the second story could have worked as a sequel. As it is, not so much.
As a reader commenting on your work it's not my role to tell you what you ought to be writing, or to criticize your reasons for writing something. What I CAN do, though, is tell you whether or not I liked a story, and if possible, explain the reasons I feel that way.
NOW THIS IS AN ENDING.........
That I can enjoy. Still laughing @ outcome of story. Good recovery Brit.
Not the same Mark?
I guess he wouldn't be after he'd recovered from the chemicals put into his drink. Or didn't some of you read that? I'm not bloody Shakespear you know, and a lot better at tennis than I am at writing, but getting a bit old for that.
strange I did not give any stars
I read the first chapter? Wife, Kids, sounded like a marriage.. now you indicate this was nothing more than a call girl, prostitute and pimp looking like a husband and wife setting up guys to roll over? I don't get it. I understand the narcotics added to their drinks, call it RAPE and retaliation then the husband and wife reconcile and live happily ever after. This was strange. Not like your other work. perhaps redo
Sequel
Hey I think you need to write the sequel to this, like what I can see in chapter three is that Chris and his friends got her addicted to drugs and made her work for them as a call girl, so when Mark put Chris in a chair, Kim would be able to escape from them and return to Mark, then they can talk about her story in the next chapter/sequel and maybe Mark and Kim patch things up or something.
pearl necklace cast before the swine
Britease you poor bugger, you can't win for losing.
From all the ridiculously stupid commentators you seem to attract, I would suggest you bottle your pheromones and sell it to a chemical company to add to their best pest control spray.
Not only would you make a fortune but your contribution to human evolution would be cleaning out the shallow end of the gene pool.
Pretty Damn funny! Payback's a bitch, isn't it?? 5 stars!
If you decide to go around drugging people's drinks, someone other than you may be getting the last laugh!
BEFORE I READ THIS
I did not, as you posed it, "get you suitably infuriated," by first reading. Before continuing on I wanted to make that known. I enjoyed Part 1.
WAS IT ANGST OR OR WHAT
Cripes dude. I think U may have taken the writings of others to heart. There is a quality of human honesty in your writing and plenty of silent readers like it.
Keep on keeping on.
#2 OFTEN TIMES THE PAY BACK IS MORE THAN
what the original prize was worth. TK U MLJ LV NV
What?
This is a total reversal of the characterizations in Pt. 01.
All of a sudden you make the hubby out to be a tough guy who won't take any shit. In Pt. 01 he's scared to say 'Boo'.
Bad bad bad.
@harrycarton
In Part 1 he was DRUGGED.
It was bad
As in one of the worst from your work and pretty bad in general.
Didn't like the first one and loathed this one. Honestly, I didn't have the cathartic feeling, it was not very well written, I don't understand why you tried the twist ending since, by reading a little more, it makes no sense and the characters are... guhhh
Just guhhh
1 star and honestly, I doesn't deserve that either.
EVEN LIMEYS" KNOW ABOUT THE BULL & HORN SAGA
at least some of them do know. TK U MLJ LV NV
Personal reference
I like most of your writing. However, in this case, I'm less than enamoured when referencing 'Literotica' and 'writers'. It takes away the suspension of belief when reading, or watching, works of fiction. Mentioning yourself within the text sounds a bit arrogant and self-serving to me and not humourous enough for me to chuckle at and let it go. Otherwise the creativity is pretty good.
Amusing story telling
However Kim's character is very contradictory between her conversation in the bathroom and how she behaved subsequently. Saying she loved him and asking for it just one time...... to where she was later. There would have to have been some further confrontation between them, more than what is offered.
But a fun and surprising read nonetheless and maybe there will be a part 3.
Still a Wimp
No gangster's bros would have allowed what happened at the Hotel and as for Kim her IQ must be in the minus range if she thought she would get away with it. What a sorry pair, made for each other.
I´ve got the strong impression...
...your stories suffer more and more. Why is that, I wonder? You introduce characters with obviously 1-digit IQ´s, have them belittle "average guys" that - surprise - are connected with even dumber women...that construction has been used too often to be of any use to your readers. Too far fetched, I would think. There are some brilliant stories on this site, with a hell of a plot..why, do you think, those are different?
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