Movie

What Husband?

One small line gives any indication she is even married. Biggest question Why?????

well written

a follow up revealing the effect on her marriage and family is in order. Hope to read more.

There does not need to be a follow up

It's a vignette. A moment in the life of a woman.mits about her. It's not about her husband.

A very well written romantic interlude that would fit into a good romance novel, the kind mostly read by women.

We don't need to know what her husband would think or do.

99% of the LW readers are men whose flaccid little pee-pee's get hard because they like to fantasize about EITHER (1) cuckold creampie OR (2) violence toward women.

Don't write for either group. Write for yourself. You're doing good. Bravo!

OK, may be the story doesn't have to include her husband

but info regarding her thought process, as to why she looked to cheat, what led her to this place, and why she thought it was OK, actually serve to define HER character and NOT that of her husband. Agreed, her husband isn't even a character in this story. That may or not be OK, but how she treats him, and how she feels about him and the children, speak volumes about her. What IS clear, with no further description, is that she has absolutely zero guilt about where her actions have led her, and what happened that day at the movies. You want us to believe that she is happy. And may be she is..........for now. It is still too early for the consequences of her actions to be revealed.

Thanks for feedback

It took over a year to get the nerve to submit for public consumption and scrutiny my first effort at creative writing since high school (and that was not any time recently). Thank you for the comments. I have a couple more stories written. I will post them shortly, I think I am ok fielding the slings and arrows of critique. ;-)

It never occurred to me to include her backstory in this story. I have it in my head. I am very interested in the discussion of whether or not it would enhance the story.

Well written first effort just seems to me that...

There has to be a reason why a wife with two children and a husband would jeopardize that for a quickie without there being some sort of impetuous. Just for fun? Bored? Hubby an asshole? Hating life? Horny? I guess the reader can imagine that but without background you really have no idea

Good erotic writing

I felt you captured the urgency beautifully. The hesitation before giving in to forbidden desire. The need for something different, to be desired instead of the humdrum of her normal life. 4*

Speaking from the point of view of a woman

I don't like that she cheated on her husband, especially when there are children involved in the marriage, if no kids then they can both go their separate ways and not a lot of harm done, but its a competely differenct scenario when there are children.
Did not like the story much. But you wrote it well enough to have me thinking of the consequences of her infidelity.

Good job! Great read! Keep them coming.

(Aside: Isn't is amazing and a bit amusing how a certain type of reader can't wait to throw their band of bullshit morality in everyone's face?)

I enjoyed the story

I like how this resembles real life and infact loving mothers do cheat on their husbands for what ever their reason is. Keep up the good work with writing about real life

Another cheating slut

Who cares? Nothing in this story interested me or made me care one way or the other.

Loved it

You did a great job. As you can see there are more than a few nutjobs ready to vent their spleen anytime they get the podium. Please don't be put off by them.
As to the question of 'background' I think you have a good feel of 'less is better'. Some hint of the underlying ache in her 'proper' life might have enhanced the story.
Love to read more from you.

another "tramp who can't keep her legs closed" story

what I want to read is how the betrayed husband goes Hiroshima all over his loving wife's worthless ass.

Maybe I should start writing. Teach you freaks how to kill' em proper.

Well you asked for comments !

They are all over the place....praise and damnation.

Personally, I liked the story, even without her reasoning that made it so doable.

While they could meet again, it may not be his style....and rather than leave her hanging he introduces her to a another man. I think some description of the wife is in order.

Know this....you will never please all of your readers....write for your enjoyment. Your tales are a sidewalk, walk it, to your destination of happiness and accomplishment.

Thanks Don

Very well done

A minimum of detail, but quite enough to get a feel for what this woman is going through. Statistics indicate there is a whole lot more of this kind of thing going on than anyone realizes. You don't moralize abut it, you just show it.

I don't see any reason to do more with it, but it's your story. Sequels and prequels try too hard trying to live up to the original. Since you write so well, I think you should put this one aside and get busy on others you have. Get them out there, learn from them, then move on again.

It's good that you know to develop a thick skin. It's how writers learn. But there's no reason at all to acknowledge the sadistic and moralistic morons (some anonymous, but not all) who are more interested in spewing their filth than critiquing a story.

Looking forward to more. This was a good start.

rj

Pure shit

Sorry just couldnt relate. Maybe my mind is just not far enough into the gutter.

Thanks again for comments

A number of people have expressed significant encouragement, both here and thru email. My apologies for not replying to emails, I do not mean to snub. I have submitted a second story, not a sequel but with some similarities. It will likely take several days before published. Haters, feel free to sharpen your fingertips. Honest critics, I am interested in your feedback.

My 2 Cents

This should have been posted in erotic couplings or exhibitionists not here. If there is nothing in the story except that she is married it can hardly be classified as an LW story. Well written but not my cup of tea. Please continue writing.

I thought it was Pretty good!

Nice erotic tryst, deserted movie theater is a novel place to screw. A bit awkward, but I dare say lots have done it there. The writing was good, no suspensions of beiief to my mind anyway.
It would have been better with a more explanation of the emotions, to voyeuristically (lspell check didn't like that word) ook inside her head.

Write more and longer!

Chilley

Wow

Fantastic! I almost came! I think I will now.

only one question

Why is she married? Other than the obvious. It was well written but leaves the reader asking why. This seems to be a snippet somewhere in the middle of a bigger story

It is a vignette

. . . that is suggestive of a bigger story. I have back story in my mind and I have a sequel drafted but needing reworked.

At the moment, I am most comfortable with the vignette format. I like building mood and emotional struggle leading to a denouement, but in a smaller context. Forgive me, but I am new to this and building towards a larger work. I did misclassify this under loving wives, it should have been submitted under erotic couplings. I apologize to all on that, but don't know how to change it. (Would love help on that.)

I thank (almost) everyone for their support. It isn't easy putting your work out for consumption and criticism for the first time. I have another vignette submitted and pending publication and will submit another shortly.

Yep!!

Well written.

Nice very well written!

I'm prejudiced.

I dislike stories where characters are only referred to by pronouns. Anonymity kills my involvement in the piece, When I see a tale that lacks names, I just skip on to the next story. That happened here -- I read the first two paragraphs, yawned, and moved on.

Very sexy!

Bad wife fucking someone else from her husband.....Well written short and sexy.
I liked it!

Again

I just re-read this story, and loved it as much the second time as the first. Please keep writing.

Married

I know in this world there is no problems with AIDS, Clap, or any nasty surprises for the spouse. The writing was titillating and erotic, but for me reality always lurks in the recesses of my mind... Sorry to rain on your parade.

Well done

Very descriptive writing.

A nice sexy and erotic tryst in a semi-public place, which makes the sexual content more erotic.

I would like to read about how she felt, when her husband came home that evening and she still had her lovers sperm still deep in her love hole.

Thanks for the good read

Well told !

It was short, but a double feature probably would have killed them both.

My compliments !!!

Thanks

Well written...but...

Well written...but...just another cheating wife...

I like

Thanks for the memories... Because I have been I have been there...