Foreskin

good start

But I got the impression that you were distancing your self from your characters. Especially the further along the story progressed or it could be a fade out and all those juicy stories get told later.

Poorly written

Sounds like13 year old wrote this.

Thanks***

For the read.

Where is the passion?

All were intimately involved in the beginning and toward the end it seems like a parade of introductions...and they fucked. End of story

hmmmm

beginning was good, but by the end it was not believable.

Total fucking rubbish by A Wanker

Crap dont write any more

Needs a BIG rewrite and an editor

Too many orgasms to be credible.

This whole story was banal and inane.

The dialog was boring and unrealistic. The narration was just as bad. And the "effects" the author attempted to employ fell flat. Like a turd dropped from the roof of a building. Really, really flat.

Also, with the stupid narration from the beginning, how exactly does one "hesitate" before "not answering"?

She asked me if it was the excitement of being with girls.
I hesitated before not answering.

Either you answer, or you don't. You can hesitate before answering, but if you don't answer, how the hell is someone supposed to know you were hesitating. It kind of implies a pause before doing something. Pausing before doing nothing is simply DOING NOTHING. And hesitating before not answering is simply NOT ANSWERING.

Needs To Be Re-Posted...

...under Non-Erotic.

don't sweat the bad feedback, keep writing

there's a lot of potential in this story. at the moment it covers a lot of ground pretty fast. one suggestion i would make would be to take a little time with the development of the whole story arc, and especially with each particular sexy encounter. for example, you've got a sex scene in which one partner has five orgasms, but don't devote as many sentences describing how the partner got there. what it feels like, what was said, how it sounds, smells, et cetera. this is in contrast to how the story opens, with a problem, and a well-paced uncomfortable dialogue that sets the stage for the situation that follows it. for the fantasy to become believable and absorbing for the reader, giving a little more about why each character behaves the way they do, and how they do it would help the reader take the journey with the narrator. this is an interesting premise that could be developed in a much longer piece, or in several chapters. keep at it!

what

a load of crap

Very realistic

Written by a young man whose problems are very real.
I like the tone of sexual insecurity throughout. The author can't possibly fake it. It's a very real problem for him and he's sharing his inadequacy with everyone.
The realism comes through loud and clear!
Elaine Hargrove

What da hell

Load of crap

Totally impossible.

THIS BUNCH OF BULL ISN'T EVEN CLOSE TO A GOOD STORY....

Well...that was SHIT

this is a joke

Do you know anything about sex? I mean make stuff up but not like this holly shit.. go back to school