by susypeat
You need a little more work on spelling and grammar. Over all, a great story line! Just needs to be cleaned up a bit. Keep working on it, and I look forward to your future submissions.
This young man, in the prime of his life, is kidnapped, drugged, constrained, chained up and beaten and he's ok with it? At no point do we see him furious at his treatment, at no time do we see him reacting with human emotion...the adrenaline would be pumping, his emotions would be in high gear and the fight or flight instinct would be at full throttle. His subdued reaction is completely inappropriate. As well, his crying is just plain embarrassing!
I really liked it. The thought of being a femdom is such a turn on. Just lower down on the beating a bit.
Re one of the comments: for me your you know you want to even though you say you don’t consensual non-consensual storyline and the actions and reactions are plausible. Each psyche is unique and one can never please all readers. There’s constructive criticism and there can also be times when a commenter unfortunately commits the sin of attempting to make their problem into a problem for the writer. Keep up the good work! All your efforts are appreciated.
Then get a plausible storyline. How you think the amount of torture he absorbs would turn him totally subservient is ludicrous. Really really bad.
It's a wonderful and well-constructed story, but still needs editing.