Your story line has possibility but in its present form is more suited for a "Letter to Hustler" if it's still in print. In fact it would probably be one of the better they have printed.
Constructive critism: Make the characters real, not the red hot cardboard figures they are now. Ex. Who are they inside? Briefly, what do thay look like? How do they think? Why is Mom so ready to spread her legs for son? What about Sis, why is she so available at that age? When they finally decide to make a play build up to the main event with a couple lead-in scenes.
Of course it's easier to give advice than to actually write it, but we all keep trying.
by
Anonymous12/04/13
Beginning
Everyone must begin somewhere. However, too many beginning writers are leaving out needed content. There is nothing here to keep the reader's attention. It's just another "find 'em and fuck 'em" story.
by
Anonymous12/04/13
@thecarolinadreamer ...
'letter'??
More like a Postcard!!
Might have got a 4* if there had been more to it!
It went from unrealistic to completely unbelievable-by-any-stretch-of-imagination.
The comment about submitting to Hustler fell short. If there's a version of Hustler that caters to idiots, one which relies more on pictures than it's misspelled words, THAT's the place for you to submit it. This is garbage. I feel like I lost IQ points just reading it.
I agree, this sounds more like an "incident" than a real story. This may have worked better as a flashback with him looking back at how it all started.
I have to agree with the others. One does not simply walk into incest. You need build-up. Motivation. Even hesitation. One person willing to commit the ultimate taboo is one thing. Three people jumping at the chance without even a "are you sure about this?" is beyond the pale, even when two of them have already tried it.
by
Anonymous12/05/13
to hell with the rest, I liked it
Write more! :-)
by
Anonymous12/05/13
very good
I rate it 8 on a 1-10 scale. Could have spend more time building it up.
While you a better grasp of the English language than a lot of writers on this site, the pace of the story was too fast. While the main character was still outside the window, the story was believable in that the mom and sister could have thought of it as just a little harmless teasing, just a little thrill. As soon as the protagonist went inside, the story would have greatly benefited from a slower pace, more description and, as a lot of others have pointed out, at least some hesitation on the part of the characters and their motivation for wanting to commit incest.
by
Anonymous12/05/13
"Your horny son's here, Mother." Mom looked over her shoulder, "You're not coming in here like that. Leave your clothes in your room." I flew across the hall, stripped and hurried back. "Whoa, would you look at the love muscle on the kid!" "You wrap
Some may call this excellent story rushed, but I call it hot. No need for "background." We can assume the urges that simmer below the surface in plenty of families. There's an 18 year old boy, at the peak of his sexual prowess, there's his mother and sister, sex-savvy women with urgent needs between their legs. All three know that the boy's got something between his own legs that can fulfill those needs, and then some. No use mincing words--Mom and Sarah both openly admire their son and brother's big hard cock, and he invites them to test-drive their twats on it. He knows he's got more than enough warm creamy semen in his hot young balls to fill both the family twats, his sister's twat and his mother's twat, to overflowing. This little family's in for some great motherfucking and sisterhumping for a long time to come. I only wish the boy had a name, like his sister does.
Total rubbish- please do not write anymore until you come into the real world
by
Anonymous12/13/13
Hahaha
This is one of the silliest pieces of crap that I've ever read. It was so surrealistically funny that I would love to see in in a video version (with cartoon characters). Good job, very entertaining (even though you didn't intend it that way). I'm going to call you the idiot savant of porn.
by
Anonymous12/17/13
Quality
This is a foul worded piece of garbage, as well as being demeaning to women. My suggestion to you is "GIVE UP WRITING!"
by
Anonymous12/24/13
Ewwwww
Im 9 you idiots, I didn't wanna read any off that but I did I will never be able to forget this story ewwwwwwwww
by
Anonymous12/26/13
Eh
It seemed very unrealistic, but it was still hot in terms of sex. And to the comment that says they are a nine year old, this is literotica in the incest category, what did you expect? I think if you got rid of the attempted story line and only write hot sex scenes from now on you're good to go, or collaborate with some who can write good story lines
English
....
absolutely pathetic attempt of a story
this was way to rushed
never post a wham bam thankyou maam story. give background and character development as well as a REAL PLOT this had nothing to keep our interest.
NEEDS MORE WORK (also more pages)
Your story line has possibility but in its present form is more suited for a "Letter to Hustler" if it's still in print. In fact it would probably be one of the better they have printed.
Constructive critism: Make the characters real, not the red hot cardboard figures they are now. Ex. Who are they inside? Briefly, what do thay look like? How do they think? Why is Mom so ready to spread her legs for son? What about Sis, why is she so available at that age? When they finally decide to make a play build up to the main event with a couple lead-in scenes.
Of course it's easier to give advice than to actually write it, but we all keep trying.
Beginning
Everyone must begin somewhere. However, too many beginning writers are leaving out needed content. There is nothing here to keep the reader's attention. It's just another "find 'em and fuck 'em" story.
@thecarolinadreamer ...
'letter'??
More like a Postcard!!
Might have got a 4* if there had been more to it!
It went from unrealistic to completely unbelievable-by-any-stretch-of-imagination.
The comment about submitting to Hustler fell short. If there's a version of Hustler that caters to idiots, one which relies more on pictures than it's misspelled words, THAT's the place for you to submit it. This is garbage. I feel like I lost IQ points just reading it.
I agree, this sounds more like an "incident" than a real story. This may have worked better as a flashback with him looking back at how it all started.
I have to agree with the others. One does not simply walk into incest. You need build-up. Motivation. Even hesitation. One person willing to commit the ultimate taboo is one thing. Three people jumping at the chance without even a "are you sure about this?" is beyond the pale, even when two of them have already tried it.
to hell with the rest, I liked it
Write more! :-)
very good
I rate it 8 on a 1-10 scale. Could have spend more time building it up.
While you a better grasp of the English language than a lot of writers on this site, the pace of the story was too fast. While the main character was still outside the window, the story was believable in that the mom and sister could have thought of it as just a little harmless teasing, just a little thrill. As soon as the protagonist went inside, the story would have greatly benefited from a slower pace, more description and, as a lot of others have pointed out, at least some hesitation on the part of the characters and their motivation for wanting to commit incest.
"Your horny son's here, Mother." Mom looked over her shoulder, "You're not coming in here like that. Leave your clothes in your room." I flew across the hall, stripped and hurried back. "Whoa, would you look at the love muscle on the kid!" "You wrap
Some may call this excellent story rushed, but I call it hot. No need for "background." We can assume the urges that simmer below the surface in plenty of families. There's an 18 year old boy, at the peak of his sexual prowess, there's his mother and sister, sex-savvy women with urgent needs between their legs. All three know that the boy's got something between his own legs that can fulfill those needs, and then some. No use mincing words--Mom and Sarah both openly admire their son and brother's big hard cock, and he invites them to test-drive their twats on it. He knows he's got more than enough warm creamy semen in his hot young balls to fill both the family twats, his sister's twat and his mother's twat, to overflowing. This little family's in for some great motherfucking and sisterhumping for a long time to come. I only wish the boy had a name, like his sister does.
* * *
The premise or idea here is good as a plot base.
But reading this felt like 0 to 100 MPH in 10
seconds then slammed on the breaks....
Thanks***
For the read.
It had absolutely no believability to me.
Rubbish
Total rubbish- please do not write anymore until you come into the real world
Hahaha
This is one of the silliest pieces of crap that I've ever read. It was so surrealistically funny that I would love to see in in a video version (with cartoon characters). Good job, very entertaining (even though you didn't intend it that way). I'm going to call you the idiot savant of porn.
Quality
This is a foul worded piece of garbage, as well as being demeaning to women. My suggestion to you is "GIVE UP WRITING!"
Ewwwww
Im 9 you idiots, I didn't wanna read any off that but I did I will never be able to forget this story ewwwwwwwww
Eh
It seemed very unrealistic, but it was still hot in terms of sex. And to the comment that says they are a nine year old, this is literotica in the incest category, what did you expect? I think if you got rid of the attempted story line and only write hot sex scenes from now on you're good to go, or collaborate with some who can write good story lines
mom ans sarah
should have been longer but good
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