Ashley's Revenge Ch. 04

I love these stories keep em coming

It only gets better

As the internship begins and Ashley's friend will want to know more about her new job. "Wifey" will want to make friends with Ashley's mother to convince Daddy to buy her a new car. We're off to the races! Damn good story. Looking forward to the next chapter.

Good, But

Your writing is great. Do watch your proof reading, though, as it disrupts the reader's enjoyment. For example, who is Linda. And you used "quite" instead of "quiet." Yes these are small points, but I'm hoping I help you.

Quite

Thanks for the comments, sorry I missed the "quite" instead of "quiet." I will edit and resubmit.

I don't see any "Linda" in the text, though I did have Ashley use "Linds" in reference to her friend Lindsey.

Thanks again for reading and the comments, I do appreciate them!

My Bad

I guess Ashley did refer to her friend as "Linda." I did miss that, and thought that you had mislabeled a character. I should have known that you are far too careful of a writer to make the mistake that so many writers on this site make.

I Guess

I have one more comment: I do not think you have clarified Brian's relationship with his wife. Does he still want to be married to her, or just in a low spot in their marriage? The sex with her did not seem like a loving act. I'm sure there are many wrinkles in your future chapters. Please keep going.

**************

Great story cannot wait for the next part !!!!!!!!

Wow

Can't wait for the next part, great writing

Great series. Excellent transition

Only complaint, you failed to taste the sweetness of a young pussy. Cardinal sin, my friend

Lee

Wow, Ashley's kind of a spiteful little bitch, willing to destroy a marriage over not getting a car. And what's *his* excuse anyway? There's this whole plot here where other people all have emotions, and while his lover is a bitch, his wife has some sense of guilt over what happened, and her parents show some emotional content as well, he does absolutely nothing except check off his bucket list. Does this guy have absolutely no respect for his wife? It seems like he doesn't feel anything for his marriage; he's cheating on her yet feels neither guilt nor pleasure at sneaking around and hurting the woman he married.

Give him some depth, because as it is, he just seems like an uncaring asshole.

Uncaring Asshole

Thanks for the comment! I don't know if I'd agree that he's an uncaring asshole. Since the story is told in the first-person perspective we are at the whim of the character to let us in on the story. In this case, I see him as trying to have his cake and eat it too. If he ignores the fact that he's doing something wrong or that the affair might end poorly he can enjoy the fantasy.

As you'll see in the next chapter and beyond, things are going to start getting more and more complicated for him and he is going to be forced to take a serious look at what is going on.

I hope you enjoy where the story goes from here!

To Lee2012:

You're right, it has taken him too long to get a taste! That will be taken care of in the next chapter which should hit within the next couple of days. Some other revelations are made also that will complicate things as well!

Which head is suppose to do the thinking?

Me Mate Not Available.....
Me Sad.
See New Female!
Me Male!
New Female smile at me!
Me smile back!
Okay, foreplay over....
New Female available?
Male always horny!
Me Not Need Consent.
Let the Fucking Begin!
Let the disastrous consequences unravel our lives....

Not bad

Not bad but not up too par for your work. Don't know what set it apart, but it doesn't feel comfortable.
Keep em comin !!lol

Oh Oh.

My wife wants to know ,what am I reading, and why are you smilling. Mr. Jones you remember Ashley is 18, right you are giving her some nice compliments concerning your new relationship.
Now you have posted this in the wrong category, it should be in the total Fantasy class.
Like your style, go big or go home. Oh I am home.