Were they not permitted to see each other after they were split apart? It seems if maybe they kept in touch then maybe they wouldn't have to wonder if they would like each other or not.
Avani's dad is a piece of work. Its not her fault, she is a product of him and her mom.
by
Anonymous12/10/13
I'm sorry, but as an alpha he does a piss poor job. He's not much of a father either. SHE is weak too, grown up with them all but she has NO spine at all. Also if you continue you need an editor. Lots of punctuation missing. Errors like this: "Their concerned". "Should have been "They're concerned". Learn the difference between their, they're, there. That's just one example.
This is a winner. Please keep going. As for the errors, I am no expert, but do your best. Don't give up. I would love to see where this leads.
by
Anonymous12/10/13
Magnificent! :)
ilove your writing and am sooo looking forward to more commin my way.. Keeb it ub and forget bout the hate comments..x
by
Anonymous12/10/13
moon risings happen each month
Moon risings happen each month (just look at your calendar for the lunar phases) so the way it is currently written, she has had 20 moon risings (so would actually be twenty months old, like a toddler) and he would be 21 months old. This part needs some tweaking, but a good start on a first submission!
by
Anonymous12/10/13
KEEP GOING!!!
Omg I absolutely love this. There may be errors but they don't even bother me. I love this story and weres it's going please continue!
So Trace and Avani are bethoved but Trace really doesn't seems to be happy about it. You friends as children so that should ease the way but Avani has feeling for you as you will for her. Good Stuff!!
English
Interesting start
Something different for the genre.
Were they not permitted to see each other after they were split apart? It seems if maybe they kept in touch then maybe they wouldn't have to wonder if they would like each other or not.
Avani's dad is a piece of work. Its not her fault, she is a product of him and her mom.
I'm sorry, but as an alpha he does a piss poor job. He's not much of a father either. SHE is weak too, grown up with them all but she has NO spine at all. Also if you continue you need an editor. Lots of punctuation missing. Errors like this: "Their concerned". "Should have been "They're concerned". Learn the difference between their, they're, there. That's just one example.
Keep going
This is a winner. Please keep going. As for the errors, I am no expert, but do your best. Don't give up. I would love to see where this leads.
Magnificent! :)
ilove your writing and am sooo looking forward to more commin my way.. Keeb it ub and forget bout the hate comments..x
moon risings happen each month
Moon risings happen each month (just look at your calendar for the lunar phases) so the way it is currently written, she has had 20 moon risings (so would actually be twenty months old, like a toddler) and he would be 21 months old. This part needs some tweaking, but a good start on a first submission!
KEEP GOING!!!
Omg I absolutely love this. There may be errors but they don't even bother me. I love this story and weres it's going please continue!
Interesting start
please continue
Already in love
Hiiiiiiiiiiii
can u please not take long for the next update :D
Love
Really great start. To fix the moon thing you could use equinox (40 of them). Can't wait to read more. ;)
Continue
Please, please, please continue. This story is great.
I really like this story....keep going please......
I really enjoyed this! I like the angle you took on the twins along with the expectation of the eldest. thanks and please continue.
Great Story I like your angle on the twins and expectations of the older. Please continue.
I give tghis story two thumbs up!!
So Trace and Avani are bethoved but Trace really doesn't seems to be happy about it. You friends as children so that should ease the way but Avani has feeling for you as you will for her. Good Stuff!!
oh wow
i can honestly say..i didnt think id like it but wow.... o.o
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