It reads like an endless tick-off list; why is there absolutely nothing here that's even slightly erotic when you have all the elements to make a terrific short story? The only explanation is that you honestly have no story-telling talent whatsoever, and write like an 8th grader following strict, inflexible writing rules without any regard to form or flow (or even any interest) - 10 words, period, 10 words, period, endlessly, mechanically. Please rewrite this, and get a sympathetic editor to show you how to tell an adult story like an adult. No stars, in this form this story was marginally less interesting than watching a faucet drip.
by
Anonymous12/13/13
Anyone
who posts so many stories on the same day has to be a crap writer.
You are a chickenshit hiding behind your anonymity, the story isn't perfect but at least it's an honest attempt. I hate you anonymous pricks that contribute fucking zilch except your lousy contemptible comments behind your anonymous shield. I criticize authors all the time but I don't fucking hide from them. Fuck off and die.
English
So dull...
It reads like an endless tick-off list; why is there absolutely nothing here that's even slightly erotic when you have all the elements to make a terrific short story? The only explanation is that you honestly have no story-telling talent whatsoever, and write like an 8th grader following strict, inflexible writing rules without any regard to form or flow (or even any interest) - 10 words, period, 10 words, period, endlessly, mechanically. Please rewrite this, and get a sympathetic editor to show you how to tell an adult story like an adult. No stars, in this form this story was marginally less interesting than watching a faucet drip.
Anyone
who posts so many stories on the same day has to be a crap writer.
You are. A crap writer.
A simple love story!
It was nice for a change to read a short simple love story...without all the embellishments and drama...thanks!
Re anonymous
You are a chickenshit hiding behind your anonymity, the story isn't perfect but at least it's an honest attempt. I hate you anonymous pricks that contribute fucking zilch except your lousy contemptible comments behind your anonymous shield. I criticize authors all the time but I don't fucking hide from them. Fuck off and die.
Loved the story!
Great story and well done!
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