Overall... Brava! Great plot and idea. Although, I think that it could be even better if you were to get rid some of the commas and replace them with either colons, semi-colons or even periods. Also, if you make your piece a bit longer and add in some sexual tension/frustration, it would lure your audience in more. Hope this helps you improve your style and voice!
English
Some Advice...
Overall... Brava! Great plot and idea. Although, I think that it could be even better if you were to get rid some of the commas and replace them with either colons, semi-colons or even periods. Also, if you make your piece a bit longer and add in some sexual tension/frustration, it would lure your audience in more. Hope this helps you improve your style and voice!
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