All Comments on 'Trite'

Just cannot trust any of them.

Are you as stupid as the characters you write?

A great rambling little tale. It's a shame the cheating cunt got anything at all.

Five Stars

I enjoyed reading your story. Thank you for sharing.

3 strikes and the catcher is out, TK U MLJ LV NV

Thanks for the offering.

No bias against guns IRL. I grew up on a farm & they're functional in every sense of the word there. But in terms of urban setting MGM made it work. Fine story by the way, I actually thought the 1200 dollars was fair.

The narrator got connubial rights to a looker for 2 + years. Sure he had to pay maintenance but he wasily would have paid that much in dating . The guy made mistakes, paid the price and learned from them. The anon critics, of course, can be virulent in their reviews because they always get it right from jump street. Sigh.

Anyway, this story did ramble. But I'm a " scenic route " kinda guy. *****

I don't know about trite, maybe predictable and dumb. The guy spends most of the story telling us how poor he is and then we found out he had a pre-nup? What was he protecting? 2*

Well Done

A great story requires two things: first, it needs well-defined characters, at least one of which we can root for. This isn't the same as saying we have to relate to the character (how many people can relate to Raskolnikov or Michael Corleone?), just that there has to be something about the character that makes us want to see them succeed or redeem themselves. The other thing is an engaging plot, often centered around a single problem to which the resolution is unclear and which often brings with it a sense of building danger or threat. Occasionally a prolonged "working towards success and gaining momentum" tale can be great...Rocky V puts the low point at the start and builds from there...but like that movie those stories often rely on known characters that we already care about.

The point is, both of these qualities require more than just "I have an idea for something that will happen to a guy, and then he'll do this, and then he'll do this, and then he'll do this." We can learn a little bit about the character from his actions and reactions, but not enough to understand what makes him tick or why he is someone we should be emotionally invested in. If you wrote it as "he offers to give them a ride in exchange for money, then they get picked up by the authorities, then they sneak around and come up with a plan, then he shoots some of the authorities and gets them to their new destination, then he decides to leave but then comes back to help," it doesn't really sound like all that interesting character. As a list of behavioral events, it's meaningless. It's only in the little moments, the conversations, and the describable qualities that Han Solo becomes one of the most memorable characters in movie history.

When these little additions are removed or reused from story to story the characters never reach the point of being someone we care about. They become like little chess pieces that we are watching you use, and since we are watching you play both sides of the board that's not particularly interesting. You have to trick us, to con us into believing that these people are real...and doing that means searching for the smallest and simplest ways that you can add depth or emotional response to them and their environment.

Thanks for the great story! Humour is tough to write and you do it well in your understated sort of way. You are good at this. Humour also has a life of its own that does not follow literary rules.

I can see you laughing as you write this. I enjoyed it as well as you did.

Thank you.

I fell asleep while reading his/her comments.

Anyway, Mag... I enjoyed your story. It had a nice beat and was easy to dance to, no matter what Unoriginalist thinks.

Awww Magmawomen when will you grasp the "all men are not wimps" concept?

You really expect us to believe he would accept his slut wife's infidelity for a couple of blow jobs, and then forcing her (at least to the best of his knowledge) to keep her legs together for over a month.

Therein lies your character flaw, which you seem to share with most of the bitch writers, and non-men that haunt the "Loving Wives" section. You were too enamored with trying to be "cutesy" and clever, while trying to breeze us past your main idiot's stupidity and wimp like tendency's.

As I've tried to 'splain to you in the past, being an ex-SEAL/Marine with many different colored martial arts belts, while owning enough fire power to arm a third world country, does not make a man. Letting your slut wife get away with fucking the shoe salesman, does not make a man either.

SURPRISE!

She's fucking around on him again, and may even have been doing it for awhile.

Sounds like the slut wife has even less respect for him, than the readers of this story!

There is a thin line between trite and tripe, and you have crossed that line (again).

Thanks for a very interesting story, MGM. You have the ability to write in a first-person, un-pretentious style that I always enjoy immensely. The plots don't matter as much as your self-examination and ruminations that keep the reader in stitches while letting us see ourselves in your accompanying reflections. Like you explained about your rambling "Can't help it, I am 71 now, which means I get to if I want to." Nuff said, MGM. To me, your rambling makes your stories more enjoyable. You can also apply that logic regarding the few negative comments about your stories.

It did not quite add up for me. The hard-up fork truck driver had a college degree but could not make anything of it himself. The boss had to offer him a promotion, he did not look for it.. He did not see what his wife was up to in two years even after catching her once?

Nice read felt real, except a college degree and all he could in the beginning was drive a truck. Why did his now ex work. And you made him pretty dumb in view of his wife's affairs

Some folks don't.

Just bits and pieces of stuff, an old man sitting here in the morning writing what pops into his head. Yea, that is me, got up early, my back hurt..

Shakespeare I ain't, he is dead and I'm not.

Some folks get it, some don't.

Fine with me. My wife Debs read it and laughed, so that was cool. After breakfast we will head out for our Senior citizen bowling league, my average is 186. I am 71, I have a 186 bowling average, not bad, huh? I even run the local 5 mile run every year, I don't win.

But I finish. Not bad at all, by golly!

Damn the PAY for writing this crap is great, ain't it? Another 350 stories and I should be able to RETIRE!!

For that great pay we get people like Zedo, griping, always griping. Sitting there in her housecoat with her flabbies hanging down in her lap, wishing and knowing she ain't gonna get any today, either?

LOL. Still...Tripe? Now that pissed me off, congradulations, mission accomplished. I was pissed off for dang near 15 seconds!

Yep, 71, alive, and having fun. It still comes up once or twice a week, Debs sees to that. Sometimes someone ELSE'S crap get me fussed up too.

So I read that crap myself, sometimes comment.

To those who enjoy the crap I write, thanks. To those who don't, well? Why read it? I ain't gonna change my name.

Maybe I will. To....Crap. Now that would be funny, maybe I will.

Thanks,

MGM

This time, your story, this guy was just a guy who only wanted to be just happy, go to work, be married, save and enjoy life. Apparently no ambition so...

As your story progressed I saw a man go from just wanting to go along, be a good husband and then when smacked in the face with problems...took action - no stumbling, no insecurities and denial - Just Action.

Moving up in the Company I'm sure will motivate him to want to grow.

Thanks, no wimp!

MGM carries into his world. You don't identify with his protagonist but you see the world through his eyes, and it is a funny world!

With your story telling ability I figure you must be from either Maine or Minnesota.

Lesson of this story. In todays climate of betrayal and divorce, being a dumb old man who doesn't pay attention to what is going on around him will bite you in the ass. Trust but verify....always!!!

Good story. What I like about Tom is that he admitted that sometimes he is stupid and sometimes he isn't.

Always enjoy reading your stories. I would have been a bit harder on the bitch.

A good reaf

Trite AND banal!

(Just like I like it!)

...engagingly told, as always.

Thanks MGM

You might be 71 or so yourself but you've certainly not lost your touch.

Thanks

Liked the content, loved the style. Thanks for posting.

Perfect little story.

I even agree with Splitlicker for a change.

5*

an enjoyable tale.

Thanks for posting

Light, funny and easy to read. More please.

Thanks for sharing. I love your style of writing.

I mean, stupid people don't *deserve* to be cheated on more than smarter people. But somehow there is a lessened sense of tragedy.

However, one has to ask "Hey dickhead...you are throwing your wife's goodies out to every predator out there, spending your $15.40 an hour on working girls at the club, SWINGING...and after your first wife cheats on you, not once, but TWICE, you STILL haven't learned your fucking lesson?"

So one is stuck with the TRITE definition of insanity: doing the same old things and expecting a different outcome.

I wonder how long Marie will last.

'nuff said.

Right from the beginning it sounded far more real than many of the stories I've read here. Enjoyed it!

Good story, well written. Thank You

Enjoyed the satiric style and the content. Four stars. Thanks for writing.

I enjoyed it and I gave it a five...

I agree with LSlamDogg. The use of fireworks really doesn't work. I tried in one of my stories, and I remember I used it as a short cut to avoid having to find a real solution. I also grew up on a farm, and I don't remember very many people owning pistols. We had a neighbor who owned a pistol, but he'd been raised in the city. Funny thing, he'd show us all his pistol, but he never owned a rifle or a shotgun. How odd; what if he had to shoot rabid raccoon? The pistol would never have worked. Really, I own a rifle and two shotguns. Everybody knows what they're for. I think everybody knows what pistols are used to kill too.

Owning a pistol I think for a man is the mark of a fearful person. Dare I say coward?

You're right, it's, trite. Good reading and writing. Enjoyed the story. I hope Marie is the one that's right. After Dave she's probably tight. Ain't sex grand? Cheers!

The prenup was obviously to protect the house!

Damn, I really do like it when a cuckolded husband finds out his whore of a wife is cheating on him, and he gets to pop a cap in the intruder AND kick the bitch out and she finds out that life WITHOUT HUBBY SUCKS! 5 Stars and add it to my Favorite Story list.

"I was punishing her for being unfaithful. Now I am not even real sure why, lord knows I had my own share of experiences in my life" - But not since you've been married!

That's the problem with forgiving one case of infidelity, they feel that since you forgave them once, that you will forgive them again.

and know when to move on. TK U MLJ LV NV

How to deal with a cheater: Forgive, holding on to anger is a waste of time and there is no way for a cheater to repay their debt. Don't Forget, forgiveness does not mean acceptance or even tolerance. It certainly does not mean sweeping it under the rug. Move On, there is no future with a cheater. They have too many emotional and psychological problems to be a good spouse or parent. Fire (divorce) them. No Need For Revenge, their actions become their punishment. What a cheater gains by cheating: thrills, ego gratification, a temporary sense of power. What a cheater loses by cheating: self respect, self image, damage to their spiritual life, the love and respect of family and friends, real world opportunities that will never come to them because of the damage to their reputation. They lose a good future that could have been theirs.

I didn't understand how he forgave her the first time she cheated. I think certain people have an extra 'cheating gene' in their makeup. A' cheater is a cheater is a cheater' came from somewhere. Cheaters cheat...that is what they do. There are thousands of reasons and/or rationalizations to cheat BUT there are also thousands of reasons and/or rationalizations NOT to cheat. This wife was a cheater. Forgive her for your own sanity but move on and leave the cheater behind. Thank you for an interesting and entertaining story.

When he caught her fucking the shoe clerk in his own bed. She should have been out of there right then, not fooling around for however long it was. She was probably screwing around quite a while, it is a wonder she did not give him an STDZ. He deserved the clap or something for being stupid. MGM, not one of your best.

The wife is a slut but your protagonist is just a plain ass-hole!

But a very good read 5*

What a wife, what sewer did she evolve from. All tits and no brains.

He might be stupid, he might not. He might be a bad shot, he might not. Probably a good thing she didn't wait around to find out.

The same thing happened to me in my second marriage. There are no reformed cheaters. Kinda like a reformed virgin. It just does not happen.

is the best word to describe Tom. After the swing is disappointing to June, he just shrugs his shoulders. He should have eaten her til she passed out the next couple of nights to make it "even." She cheats, he gets a few blowjobs, he forgives her, and life goes on. Is he more vigilant? No. She joins the spa, sex life falls off, and what does Tom do for 2 years? Nothing except work, grab a beer, and watch TV.

For readers with poor comprehension, Tom had inherited the house. W/o children, he didn't even need a prenup.

This writer is 50/50 on a whether it's a decent story or a shit pile. This landed squarely in the shit pile.

Funny story. Laughed all the way thru. I really liked that staccato delivery. Brought back thoughts of Mickey Spillaneand Mike Hammer kinda story. That dude Tom was rrslly beat. I mean beat in the late forties to mid 50s kind of beat. I think you done really good. Write on Magnaman!

A really good story, I loved the humour and reference to other trite tales on here! Sometimes a funny take on this kind of thing is totally refreshing, I enjoyed it... Thank You 5*****

Would've been better if you hadn't wandered off with random, irrelevant tangents. Take your memory pills and go grab a nap.

I literally have no idea why

I really cannot say that I care for either person and I don't know what he saw in her.

Reading this again, it was funnier than hell. Just really trite.

Very entertaining, top quality. Great presentation and funny in the right places. thanks for a great read

1 star - a really sad fracked up story

Honestly other than getting the ammosexuals all hard over a gun being in a story this one did absolutely nothing for me. Then again boom sticks dont get my libido all crazy and shit.

Could have done without the racism. Either way, mediocre.

Pointless and awful. That entire first page was a waste of words. Let me guess, "organic writing"

And the racism. Everything about your writing screams small penis

Define wasted and waisted.

Just ugly and stupid!

Not much to comment on or like for that matter. Pretty boring. A generous 3. No smiles.