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English
Thank you!
Hello everyone, can see people are kind enough to be voting for my story. Glad people are enjoying it. Am a new writer so it gives me more confidence, thank you!
Libby xxx
GOOD STORY
You have written very well for a beginner. I just wonder where you take them from here. Just a couple comments that might help. #1 Stay in the same tense, (he either laughed or he laughs. He shouldn't do both in same story. It is easier for me to stay in past tense. A few more proof-reads would probably help. Try reading aloud on your final pass. The last sex scene probably would have gained heat if there were a little more foreplay. Libby has the chance to make Dad climb the walls before finally sinking it home. In real life and fiction that's a better story.
You have a lot of talent and I hope to read much more of your work.
Normal Stuff
Nothing new or exciting here. We have seen and read this plot line millions of times..
As You Wish
After reading both stories, I see improvement in your stories, from good to very good. I will leave it to others to comment on grammer and trivial items. With "Libby Succumbs to Temptation" you have set up a plot line that you can easily expand in the future. Give James some time to process and have him continue to make love to Naomi while he explores his sexual attraction to Libby. As Naomi is a very sexual being, Libby and James must eventually make her join them. If you do, please don't fall into the trap of making Naomi experienced with women. Her entry into the incestual menage should be gradual and exploritory. I look forward to your next offering.
+1 fan for Libby :-)
I have read both of your stories and enjoyed them both very much. My only suggestion is to have a friend proof read your writings. Besides that, short and sweet are what usually works for this demographic so keep up the good work. I look forward to reading all of your future writings :-)
Great story
Libby,
You have a great style of writing and I loved your story. I would love to hear more about what happens with dad. Please give us more. I can't wait to read more.
Impossible Read
I rarely comment on spelling and grammar, but in your stories the grammar is so bad, it is impossible to have any pace. You leave out words, misuse words, use "she" when you should have used "her", I could go on, but there isn't enough room in comments to name half of them. Why any Author submits a story without having it proofread and edited is beyond me. If you're too embarrassed to have it proofread, all I can say is the end result is much more embarrassing, in my opinion. If I wrote this, and read it the next day, I'd set fire to it. Your witing has potential, but your knowledge of the language is horrific. Please send your creations though an Editor/Proofreader from now on, then perhaps I will try reading you again.
Also mir gefällt Deine Geschichte sehr gut!
Vielleicht ist mein Englisch nicht gut genug, um die in einigen Kommentaren bemängelten Fehler zu erkennen. Ich habe die Handlung verstanden und mußte nur wenige Vokabeln nachsehen. Mach weiter so!
Übersetzung:
I have to say, that I like Your story very much!
Maybe my English is not good enough, to recognize the mistakes having been criticized in some comments. I conceived the storyline and had to look up few vocabulary only. Keep on writing like that!
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