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Was going really well till right near the end where I lost interest. you could have broadened on what was happening so I could picture it and get a good taste of it all. Otherwise I like the story line :)

You are adept at quickly setting up atmosphere and scene - not easy to do. Plus you deliver a tough fantasy in a safe way. Good writing.

excellent story

You have writing skills. Don't worry about criticism. A
Endings are hard. A good editor would have made you flesh it out a little bit. Perhaps details on the "leaving scene" or personal reverie as he leaves.

Also I sure love sex scenes written by women!!! If you could flesh out the "fucking like animals " part, the thoughts, sensations, movements. You left out the major part of the climax of the story and went straight to the climax.

Guys love those kind if details and personal reflections in stories written by women.

thanks anon

Thanks a lot anonymous! I tend to write straight from my own imagination and experience and since I tend to zero out at climax I find it really hard to write about. I can't really imagine what its like because its simply...good for me! But thanks for the encouragement and advice, hopefully I'll be able to make the next one better.