Friends Share More than a Suite

where was the group sex?

wrong category.

started well, decent grammar and spelling, some good descriptive passages, but between the brevity, the dashed expectations, and the strange switch from a naturalistic dialogue driven style to an interior monologue narration, it teased more than it pleased.

Great feedback. Thanks.

I hadn’t noticed the switch but re-reading I can see that when I felt turned on I got a bit lost in my own head and it reflected in the voice. I'll be mindful of it with my next story - I hope to keep improving.

Sorry the story was mis-categorized. I was publishing a much longer story with group sex but when I read the preview I wasn't happy with it all and opted to cut it down. Don't have a good feel yet for length and sex vs. story/character development.

WR

"who's boyfriend was bigger"

Try 'whose'.

Also, some commas would prevent some amusing ambiguities.