All Comments on 'Live from the Game Ch. 04'

Folks may quibble over the details but I really liked this one. In real life so many times people want to be left off the hook for horrible, deceitful, behavior....and blame you! Great story.

Five stars. A fitting ending. Good revenge, but no scorched earth. He was decent toward her even though she didn't deserve it. I am glad she is pining away for him.

This was heart wrenching. I was not only sad for the guy, but also for the ending of the marriage. I do think she loved him, but those words she spoke on the video were heart piercing. You captured all the emotion brilliantly.

"I wouldn't talk about you or discuss you at all. Please know that." You generally are a stickler to detail and I love that about you. This one got by the main character. She did talk about her hubby, saying he bored her to tears, and that she thinks of her lover when giving hubby sex. I wish he had called her on that one. Just a minor detail in an otherwise perfect tale.

I generally hate it when authors reference Literotica in their stories, but you did it very tactfully.

Absolutely top notch story - some folks might crib over the fact that there is hardly any sex in the story, but thats minor when compared to the fact that the narrative style and the dialogues are powerful and intriguing. I admit the first page was slow in setting the stage but at the end of it of all, I can really imagine each of the characters vividly. Paul hardly has a role but his character is etched in my mind. Same goes for Charlie as well.

I did think that the Melissa character and Crystal turnaround were not required. Maybe because Melissa didnt warrant a separate character intro and hence I didnt really get her. And Crystal character was too well defined for the about turn - I mean you dont suddenly stop cheating and become a good wife overnight just under the threat of blackmail.

But brilliant writing without a doubt. Full 5 stars. One of the best stories on this site. And thats saying a lot.

A totally new perspective to the Loving and Cheating Wives formula - I read all 4 stories back to back and really enjoyed it. An absolute page turner.

It is absolutely like real life - especially the end. Closure is difficult. Always.

And finally yes, its true - "Women that won't break your heart. I found one, you can, too."

I intend to read the other stories from this author soon.

Wonderful dialog, clever plot, five stars!

she made her bed and he was gonna set fire to it.....

umm... that wasn't even remotely any smoke from the bed she made, not a fucking puff of black or white....

utter shit ending

1/5

I kept waiting for him to play the audiotape from his conversation with Lawler when he had the meeting with Deana. Guess he took the high road but I feel the story lost potential entertainment value from this not happening.

Great story but, the ending seems to be lacking something; loose strings, unresolved issues and all that. Gave 4*: would've given 5*; again, ending was lacking something.

Very well written. Loved the characters. The story pulls you in. My gut ached for what he went through. Glad he did not take the cheating bitch back!

Ryan should have played the taped conversation of Jordan willing to throw Deanna in the deal of buying the apartment. That was just totally pimping her out

Let Deanna know the depth and feeling Jordan had for her. She needed more hurt and that was the vehicle to provide it. In all the conversation Deanna had with Ryan at the Red Robin she said she was so sorry, yeah right, sorry she got caught.

Good Read

Deanna really was a mental case. I mean she was served, publicly humiliated but she was still unrepentant. If she didn't get itthen, she never would. Takes the fun out of a btb story when the bitch is not fazed by the burns. Gotta love it when a plan comes through though, imagine if Deanna had really heeded Ryan's last call and come home. Would've been real awkward for him, coz all the arguments against Deanna would still stand. In the epilogue you should've put in that Frank did goto Deanna's for dinner, showed her the vdo and said bitch this is why I'm never getting back with you.

Loved the bit about the gum chewing process server, now if only Ryan drove a mustang........

Agreeing with the other comments, due to the cold and systematic continuing cheating, Ryan should without doubt have been more hard on the wife, exposing her egoistic behaviour far more than it has been done. The 'tame/lame' ending does somewhat ruin a story, where the overall theme are revenge and divorce, and not the usual and stupid unreal forgiveness or cuckold acceptance. Maybe there should be an alternate ending, where the video clip where used to distribute to friends and family, exposing the real lying and calculation wife and asshole lover to everyone, thus making them finally reailise their own faults and sole resonsibility in betraying both family and everyone they know who are not as morally corupt and selfish as they clearly are

Pretty good story overall, but more careful editing would make it even better. "Whore's get paid," should be, "Whores get paid." (Plural, not possessive). "I'm spending a lot of time getting 'passed' that need," should be "past that need." There are other examples, and while I understand this is not English Composition 202, these add up to distractions from the intensity of the story.

As to that, it was intense. Our hero's emotions rang true, and we feel for him. Ryan does come across as weak and wimpy at times, but it's understandable considering what was done to him. Clearly, Deanna does not get it. The only way she might is if she were cheated on, but that did not happen despite Ryan having thought about it. It's actually realistic because Ryan's self-confidence is shattered.

He's broken, unhappy, and the world looks gray and bleak to him now. He's forking over a good bit of money (it costs more to live separately than together), his freedom is limited because of the kids, he is older and out of shape so the women are not jumping his bones -- what more is there to say? Deanna can get sex again easily, but love will be harder. Ryan needs a makeover, and even then, he has a lot of baggage. Maybe a happy sequel with Ryan putting his life back together? Thanks for writing.

So-So ending, you need to write another Chapter from Wife point -view??? Also more info on Cheater&Result in his end result?? HOPEFULLY he was Beaten up & Left Poorer and Jobless!!!

I liked it, felt more real then the total and utter ruin that most authors feel the need to portray. Life goes on.

. . . the premise behind it is a mess, but this story is well crafted with a fair underlying sense of humor. Of course the flawed premise is the entire support structure for Loving Wives here on Lit so it's understandable the direction of the story. All trust in a marriage is not centered at the Vee men and women have at top of their legs. We are more than a piece of ass and the parts don't wear out when used, do they?

I wonder why in these stories the emotion is always anger and rage rather than curiosity? Isn't a reaction something like - I wonder if he (she) learned something new and exciting from the lover that he (she) will pass on the next time we make love? Seems like that reaction would be equally valid and a lot more fun.

Pretty good story Jezzaz.

I have to agree with most of what the otaku has to say. just...please...no Pony cars...unless the bad guy is driving it.

The ending was downright weak, I would have sicced Solomon on Crystal's offshore account and send the money to her husband as punishment, had him also hack into Jason's secret funds and send the money to his wife. Lastly I'd have played the phone recordings and the video to his wife.

Point of fact, I wish I'd have been half as smart as the protagonist in the story. When I caught my wife cheating on me I beat her boyfriend up and tossed him off the apartment's balcony. Unfortunately the SOB lived, we were only on the 5th floor.

Fucking cunt got way more than she deserved. "I'm sorry. I love you. It was only sex." Isn't that out of the cheaters handbook? The truth is, she wasn't sorry. She did what she wanted. She didn't care about her husband for a long time. As is the case most of the time, she wad only sorry she got caught. Fucking cheating cunt.

For me this hits home because if I wasn't so blind, dumb and naïve I wouldn't feel as I do today. Nobody had my back as did our hero in this tale. No I was betrayed by many and now none can face me. Not that I wouldn't spit on them but that's neither here or there.

Great series. Keep up the good work!

So this is what you guys do all day? You all come to Lit to whine and cry about cheating women that you've made up in your head? And then you salivate over your fictional victory?

Whoa! Have you sad, demoralized males ever considered therapy?

... to a cheating wife story. The ones where the wronged hubby turns commando and cuts the lovers balls off while sending his wife to a Brazilian bordello and rolls around in willing women are a dime a dozen. Great work Jez.

and that's the iPhone recording, from when he went visiting the wife lover at the latter's place, and the conversation they had (with the lover not knowing he's talking to HIS lover's husband).

since this is a burn-the-bitch revenge (going so far as to do the giant screen thing during a baseball game, for maximum embarrassment), the husband should have, AFTER that last meeting with Deana, said to her, handling her the iPhone:

"I know we all have gone through horrific and tragic events lately.... and I know THIS will be another one, FOR YOU, but I thought you might want to view the few minutes of video your lover and I had. While YOU STILL THINK NOW that your THOUGHTS then, of him, was of a good, loving, attentive, fun-to-be-with kind of a fellow.... I want you to UNDERSTAND that HE DID NOT reciprocate in thoughts, where YOU WERE concerned; he thought you're just some older woman who needed some dominating and dirty acts done to her, by another man, and HE simply did it. He said, to me, that after he left here, back to his wife, that he would consider ALLOWING whoever who bought the place, TO FUCK this old chick he was banging, passing her/YOU around like you're really NOTHING...

"Anyway, VIEW the footage and perhaps it would make you appreciate the person who loves you publicly and openly, in a committed partnership, more... next time you come across such a person.... if for no other reason than so that you don't have to see counselors all the time, for mental anguish and other mental issues and needs..."

Great Ending! The emotions were tangible and very realistic. In real life, balding, middle aged, over weight guys don't have a bevy of mature, younger, older, attractive, beautiful, wanton, hot, women lining up to help take their pain away.

As you eloquently pointed out, he is much too damaged to recognize and accept such a relationship, a truism often over looked in the Loving Wives stories.

Of course having a six figure income always makes it a little easier to get through a tough divorce, worrying about finances with a broken heart is really the pits.

I enjoyed your story.

This is Loving Wives Genre in nigh-top form. The closure scene with the straying wife was very through. insofar as showing reconciliation not being an option. I know people like the very provocative and enervating who ' look' like borderline schlubs, appearing to be sweet but a scosh ineffectual & are very easy to underestimate.

Suffice to say they are indeed nice people, until you give cause not to be and then watch the f--k out, because winged vengeance is imminent. In the epilogue, there was a very nice touch by author havuing the company owner underestimate him much as ex did.

The technical gadgetry used was fun, didn't bog story down & gave story an edge. Nice sharp scene with stadium muckety-muck at end of hacking frolic, btw. IRL I suspect this whole gotcha kiss cam would have gone more viral then in story, but oh well.

One tiny quibble I presented is that this man was still totally bereft at end of story, in terms of companionship. He works & devoted self to kids. Maybe he's healing & will eventually date again, but maybe he has a huge blind spot in matters concerning women.

It's a credit to author that I wish his fictional character the best. If narrator can transpose the mastery shown in vocation, family & nigh flawless improvisation in ridding self of straying spouse - things should shake out well eventually on romantic front. Here's hoping.

There were a few preachy potholes encountered en route. jezzaz is not a lyrical wordsmith like the very, very elite writers in LW genre. But he has strong, grounded beliefs & weaves them extremely well while touching all bases of telling very provocative and enervating story. The slope of improvement he is showing as an author is just borderline awesome. *****

To quote Chris Rock. She was faithful until something better, more exciting came her way. The reasons you gave for why a perfectly happily married woman would cheat were the most comprehensive on this site. The way Ryan expressed how he felt about it all was crystal clear. Great writing. I thoroughly enjoyed this series. I appreciate the speed at which you released this story's chapters. The pacing in each chapter was right on the money. Maybe the hacking was a little over the top, but it was fun.

Jezzaz has the talent that puts him in the top layer of authors here. Great job! More...more...more *****

Great story, good writing and the kind of BTB story I like. Thank you.

Nothing really to add to my comment of yesterday. The good in the story outweighs the weaknesses. If you have the courage to be original you will be a good writer. The revenge bombshell was so-so as I expected - a sop to the angry brigade but outdone by the final conversation between husband and wife, which had some real feeling.

As many of the commenters said, playing lover boy's comments back to her would have tipped the scales and taken her out of her fairy tale romance world and shown her what her affair was which was being a cheap fuck toy

Author an epilogue from her would be good. Thanks for not making this a RAAC story

... You never really know whether this is actually the end of this odyssey or not but, if it is, I would have to say that the ending is very flat. Such an ignominious end to a very detailed journey into the mind of a betrayed man. 2 stars because your spelling and punctuation, for the most part, were first rate, even if your story was lacking.

Ditto re: lordslamdawgg's comment. He said it better than I would

MM

No marriage, no relationship is ever one sided. Hubby is too perfect and the wife is too...imperfect. Neither is accurate or enjoyable because I can't relate to either of them.

Good! Now for the criticism: Too wordy, too much useless detail, Too long. The story is fine, the characters are good, just edit it down by at least 25%.

There were some editing problems. Some were technical distractions, such as "past" not "passed", etc. Some were structural: you spent time telling us about that recording and then it disappeared from the story. I think Checkhov's maxim about "if you have a gun in the first act, someone better fire it in the second" holds true here. Otherwise, it's also just a distraction.

Distraction quibbles aside, however, I thought this was an excellent story. The characters seemed quite real. I found myself, as a reader, becoming invested and rooting for or against them, as appropriate. I was struggling with Deanna's actions right along with him. I liked the reality of his emotions and situation at the end, even while feeling bad for him and wishing them otherwise.

I've read your other stories and, while I liked them, I think you stepped up to a new level with this one.

Thanks for writing it.

I had the most enjoyable time reading this story over these last few days. Great ome characters are develop and others developing, This being the case this story has legs and room to morf past the cheating wife storyline. Hoping we can follow Ryan into another chapter(s). Thanks

this series is a clear 5... It will be interesting to read some other authors continuation of this story...

1) It is "grokked", not "groked" and rather than read Webster, you should read Heinlein for the definition. I would argue you used this word quite incorrectly.

2) "And she wasn't even sure what he feelings were." I assume you meant "her."

"Whatever else you are to me, your are their mom" I assume you meant "you"

"He just leans back in the huge boardroom chairs, and stares at me, and I do my best to act nonchalant." Was he sitting in more than one chair??

Maybe you meant "in one of the huge boardroom chairs"?

There are syntax and punctuation errors here also, but they can be overlooked.

"With preamble, he says, 'So, Mr. Tomlinson. How about you give me one good reason why I don't hit you with a civil suit for that stunt you pulled?' "

Did you mean "without preamble" since John comes straight to the point?

Lots of those types of errors, "of" when you meant "off", etc

3) There needs to be no "misogyny" to have your character's feelings.

It is deep betrayal and the desire for revenge is sufficient.

4) Reality is you can't ignore it, because if you do, she repeats her behavior.

5) Why does anyone have the "after the affair is found out about" talk?

If she lied straight to your face before, now she'll really do it as she tries to dig herself out of the ditch she threw herself into.

6) She asks "did you really have to humilate me that way (on the jumbotron)"

He should have answered: "I think you should be asking youself that question, if YOU really had to humilate ME that way, given that it was the way my friends and the rest of the world saw you cuckold me."

7) "Fuck him" she says. That says all your character needs to know. QED.

Truly its a Cracker . Perhaps in the future you will consider a follow up ,keeping my fingers crossed

Really nice work. Top flight on each installment.

Loved reading them, and will look forward to what you write in the future.

Thanks for a VERY nice story.

This is what good authors do - they paint a very detailed picture. I don't believe any of the side descriptions were superfluous. They all seemed to relate some way to the story. Were they necessary? Only from the perspective of creating a rich story that generates anticipation and joy. Loved it!

Good ending, nobody wins in these situations. I found the literotica references grating but that's a minor quibble. I don't think he needed to play her the recording of his conversation with her lover as he had already kicked her to the curb.

Glad he didn't end up riding off into the sunset with a gorgeous blonde with a big bank account. He has got his kids and his self respect, the rest he would have to work on. I'm torn between a four and a five but in a good mood so it's a 5* story.

Written good, even with a few mistakes you soon forget them to get back to the story. Good well thought out story with a fair bit of emotion.

Good description of the characters and what they are thinking as things progress in the story.

All in all a great work and worth every bit of the five.

Keep up the good work.

Great story from start to finish. I agree with other commenters that an opportunity was missed during the diner meeting, about hubby not playing the conversation he had with her fuckbuddy and his true feelings about the slut he was banging. Considering the amount of chances he gave the slut to stay home with her family, come home from the ballgame and her giving her ass first to asswipe, the extra turn of the knife would of been justified.

Looking forward to your next contribution.

Well done. This is a good story that kept me interested to the end. Good structure, the characters rang true and the whole thing kept moving along nicely.

Thank you :)

Good read. Thanks for not drawing it out over several weeks.

I've just about given up. All the story lines have been hashed out, the great loving wives authors have lost their muse...loving wives has turned into a wimp or cuk group of stories...yet I've kept hope that there was more out there, more of the 'she cheated, I won't take it, where do we go from here?'

Thanks jezzaz. Great story! A couple typo's but overall you hit all the points, mostly I loved that you nailed the fact that nobody wins. You can burn the bitch but it just makes you an asshole in so many ways. What you did was painful, but it was for him, to help him survive and remember he's a man. Hurting her any further would just hurt him AND the kids. Again, thanks for this. Great job.

A powerful and human depiction that strips away most of the tired bullshit tropes and gets to the core of the emotional fallout.

It could have used a little more of her, though. She dangled dangerously close to undefined in the aftermath. Also, my own experience with my parents' divorce was that parent nor children come through without injury

Jezzaz, you are a writer! Thank you, in this winter of coldness you are a unique bit of warmth. I have yet to follow an installment story with as much interest, anticipation, and reward as I have with "Live from the Game".

Previously I read "MetaMorph" but at one "sitting" and enjoyed it as well. You have been on for less then a year and I hope you stick around for a long time.

Again, thanks for the good work and Happy New Year!

Very well done. Excellent finish to it!!

What a great story. I enjoyed the read very much and looked forward to each installment. The ending was perfect.

...well written too...

...AND THANK YOU FOR PUTTING THE CHAPTERS OUT QUICKLY !!

Jezzaz breaks his mold !

No reconciliation at any cost . No threesome with the cheater. No other woman.

Wow.

A very entertaining story. Too realistic in some parts but it all comes together nicely.

Maybe this is reason enough to read the Ingram stories ? lol

By the way ,I saw Mancow recently and he looks terribly old , worn out .Radio

business is chewing him up !

Ahhh, so that's what the Jumbotron is used for ,ha.

AMerryMan

could you add a chapter in the romance section, just to help Ryan out?

Loved the story. Would love for you to do a follow-up of Ryan' life. Hopefully it gets better for him.

I do love a story that stirs up emotions and draws lots of comments. Yes, the writer made more than a few errors. It did distract a bit from the story. Some readers are upset that the revenge wasn't greater, and some are upset that so many men find this scenario so emotionally painful. The debate on what makes a story suitable for LW is ongoing. This certainly belonged in LW. Many of us readers are able to enjoy all kinds of stories, from revenge to sharing, if they are well written and have a plot. This story had a good plot, even if the technical aspects could be improved a lot. It had emotion and that's the first thing we look for in a story.

There are comments about how men do not own women and a little extra sex does not wear out their genitals. Some men may be into sharing. Some may be into cuckoldry, but 99% of the men and women that read these stories will not like lies and deceit. That is the deal breaker here and in many stories. She lied. She stole time from the family to be with another man. Did she deserve her own special time? Maybe, but not by lying and cheating. That's what destroyed the marriage in this story. This was not wife sharing, or anything close. It was simple betrayal and a marriage cannot survive that behavior. How could he have ever enjoyed her company again, not knowing when she'd plunge a knife into his back one more time.

I did notice that the writer left it open for a sequel as the wife has declared that she will win him back. Suddenly he's become very important to her. We've seen those stories before. She becomes a modern Mother Theresa, scorning all males, waiting for her ex. He gets laid a few times, has a relationship or two and then has a heart attack and she takes care of him and they live happily ever after. If you do make a sequel, make it a bit different in some way. Many kudos for posting it every day and for submitting it all without benefit of seeing any readers' comments before the final posting. That was excellent. This was truly your baby and not a compilation of what readers urged you to do. Thanks for the very hard work and the generous donation of your talent and time.

Jezzaz, you got everything right, he still was to generous to his x. But over all the facts are correct. She still has the kids and a roof over her head. That's how our court system is set up. And he Is suffering, he forgave her but could not give her another chance, so now he goes thru life as a lonely single and dating and finding another spouse at this stage of his life being that he is a faithfully true guy.is very difficult for him.

How to put this?

I did not like this story because it was too good? The writing was great, the characters real and engaging, the outcome followed from the premise and was understandable. As a whole, this has everything I should like in a story. But the total was just too much like real life. Though not mine fortunately,

I like happy endings. I don't need everyone to be happy but I want to know that someone leaves the story with some reason for wanting to get out of bed in the morning. Preferably more reason than at the start. This one left us with a woman aching over her loss, a man damaged and lonely and children questioning there parents morals and love. The happiest person here may be the divorcee who at least now knows that it wasn't just her who couldn't hold onto a partners love. I am left a bit emptier than when I started reading.

AS someone said, this need something to close it out. Leaving Ryan as a broken soul is too joyless for me.

Writing 5

Story 3

This was a well written story. I didn't notice any technical writing errors that badly detracted from the story although there were a FEW errors. You could feel the angst and insecurity in Ryan. You could even feel the insecurity and need in Deanna and the arrogance in her asshole lover. This story was more nearly real life than we want to admit I think although Deanna's part was full of overused cliche's. The most unrealistic part was the Wrigley Field exposure and the conversation with John Upton. It was somewhat necessary to close out possibilities so acceptable but improbable. FOUR stars and, perhaps 6/8ths. I disliked the insecurity shown by Ryan but honestly that is probably what most men who are cheated on feel. At least the ones I know about in that situation have shown some of those characteristics. It would have been nice to see how Asshole Lover fared but we can't have it all. Very, Very good story.

Liked the story, loved the ending.... noting is ever fully resolved, much like life.

I, like others, enjoyed the daily installments of this well thought out saga. I am glad to see others comment on just how well you are improving as an author. I think ALOT of what is great in this story is captured in your dialogue. The scene with Crystal in ch. 2 was clearly the apex of this story. If readers are let down by the ending, it is because Ryan eviscerated every argument Crystal put forth (and apparently convinced her to change her behaviors AS WELL AS her thoughts towards cheating). However, he depressingly trudges through the conversation with Deanna, and leaves it up to the counselor to teach her the final lessons. Getting her to understand that the marriage was over ISN"T quite as exciting of a climax as the more typical BTB nuclear strike where the cheating wife is destroyed emotionally, professionally, financially, etc. But, it seemed appropriate here, as what you REALLY tried to write was leaning to a dose of realism, more interested in capturing emotions, then on clever payback scenarios. That said, you KNEW the story needed SOME form of revenge, and so the full circle use of the jumbotron comes in. I liked that you were careful to include the scene with the stadium official, so the readers knew that there WAS a consequence to the hacking activity. Even if the result wasn't the most realistic, the idea that real people just can't pull shit like that off, was. I found it interesting to see that while you give a "send-up" of Literotica LW story clichés, (saying that in real life, that doesn't happen), there WERE several cliché's you uphold. But the one I want to point out is the one that I think could have improved your ending.

It seems to me that part of the reason the convo with Crystal went so well is BECAUSE he is still angry enough NOT to take any shit off of her, or buy into her bullshit rational. He has a fact-finding agenda, but his raw anger at that moment, gives purpose to his arguments rebuffing her cheating philosophy. Later, after a few weeks, he is less angry and more depressed. All he is left with is sadly assuring Deanna that trust is forever gone, there are no second chances, and it is over. Well, DUH! My point is that it seems to be the ultimate justification of wronged spouses (especially husbands), to put off the final confrontation until anger has abated, but by then it is too late. This cliché of "I'm too angry, so I might do or say something I regret later". I think it is a fine line between waiting until you have the facts, and waiting beyond the point where you can never go back. Your character will console himself that he gave her more than one chance to stop and do the right thing, and ultimately she is a victim of her own choices. YES, I agree. However, the opportunities he presented were DESIGNED for her to fail. There still hadn't been ANY real communication between them. Whatever his justifications are about ending the marriage (and I'll never say he is wrong in that), if he thinks that he gave her a chance to save it he is wrong. By the time he asks her not to go (on the night she finally surrenders the ass to loverboy), just what would have happened if she agreed not to go and stayed home? Would he REALLY have worked it out? Would that have been the night for the final confrontation? Would her making the "right" choice, allowed the marriage to continue? No, we knew the marriage was over before the end of chapter 2. Even if when he called her at the stadium, she had gotten right up and left then, all that would have happened would have been to spare her some embarrassment. The marriage had already been over for weeks, and was not to be repaired. I go back to my earlier thought. I wish these guys would confront the bitch RIGHT away! If only to say "This is bullshit, this is your one and only chance to fix our marriage, or decide that it is over. It may never be the same, but it can not continue as it is". OK, it takes some real writing skills to pull of convincing dialogue that sends that core message. But I think Jezzaz is well on his way towards bringing us to the place where we find characters who have a relationship WORTH fighting for, and where, although mistakes have been made, the lessons learned from them turn the characters into better people by the end. That is the kind of conflict/resolution that makes a good story. It can cling to realism, and build to grand climax that doesn't include the word nuclear, yet leaves the comments saying that it was still very good. I believe Jezzaz, or possibly some others, will get us there one day. For me, I wish for a story that when it ended, my first thought ISN"T "well shit, just another story about people who don't know how to communicate", or "sigh, if only they had communicated better...." As good as this story is, the failure to communicate lies with BOTH of them, and so that failure in the marriage is BOTH of their faults. Sure she cheated and lied, but he lied too. She didn't think she was risking her marriage, and she should have known better. But it was clear that given the choice between him and her lover, the choice WOULD have been clear. He is just too depressed to realize it. He shuts down and never gives her the chance to show him her true love and respect. He demands it from her, but won't allow her the opportunity to correct her behaviors. Taking someone or something for granted DOESN"T mean you don't appreciate it. It DOES show laziness and complacency, but that can be fixed. For something completely new and different, how about a story where DESPITE the best communication, the marriage fails ANYWAY? Hmmm.....

I know it doesn't happen more because it is damn hard to write. But, I end by saying, it is apparent that Jezzaz doesn't back down from a challenge. Good work on this one. They really do keep getting better.

I enjoyed reading this story. It was an emotional page turner. Very realistic. Fantastic character development. My only complaints a few grammatical errors that for the most part were easy to ignore because the plot was just that good and the last chapter felt a bit rushed to the finish. I would love to read a follow-up story with Ryan getting a second chance at love not with Deanna as she burned that bridge with her callousness and comments but because I'm just a sucker for happily ever after. Thank you for posting each chapter daily.

The already printed comments sort of sum up everything that anyone might say about the situation; it is just that Ryan and Deanna seem to be decent people (she, even if she did something very wrong), and to see both so broken at the end of the story is just sadder than it needs be. Oh if Ingram and Associates could only appear and fix things.....Phony as that might be, it would happy me. Great story.fine writing.....a very strong "5"

And the bitch got minimal consequences but we can hope she suffers for a long, long time to come for her selfishness & disregard for her family & marriage. Well done, author. Anon John.

OK, some reality here. I have lived this nightmare, so can say with some authority that this is about as realistic a look at what can happen at all levels as I have read here and elsewhere. Even though I am over twenty years into a new marriage, some old pains were felt as I read the story. Lots of authors try to put into words the feelings that accompany the destruction of a marriage, abut few of them approach this one in my opinion, but YMMV. Even the aftermath is right on, he did not become a new man, he did not get the CEO position, he did not have his PA suddenly knocking at his door. Why, because he is the same man, good and bad, people do not really change and why should he, because he is a good man, perhaps a little boring, but good none the less. He is a good father and provider and God bless him for that. He is a good employee and companies need people like him, because he keeps it all together, while others get the limelight.

This was a five star story only because six was not available.

To be perfectly honest I was concerned that the ending would not be up to the previous chapters build. A couple of your other stories endings left a lot to be desired, at least for me. The opening and subsequent chapters were always well executed, then came the last chapter, and well to be blunt the story was executed...

This fourth chapter was more than worthy of the previous three. It all came together here in the finale'. Fantastic. I hope these last words at stories end are prophetic and you will do a follow up:

"Oh and Ryan, it gets better. There are other women out there. Trust me on this. Women that won't break your heart. I found one, you can, too."

And then he left the room, and I was left sitting there, wondering what to do next in my life.

I too am wondering what Ryan will do.

Thank you,

M1*****

for your story and for taking your time to pull the threads together. Also, now my heart rate can return to normal--I even woke up this morning hoping your final chapter would be online today. As some of the comments noted, you do have enough material for several sequels. You should also be pleased that you inspired so many comments. You obviously hit many nerves. My only objection is that you did not show Deanna what scum Lawlor was. But thanks again. I do not think I have ever rated a multi party story with straight 5's.

That was a wonderful sequence of stories. The first 4 had you panting for the next one. It was sort of like the old serials that they had when you went to the Saturday matinees as a kid. I am 74. They had the hero tied on a board with the evil saw coming towards him and then it ended wanting you to come back next week and pay your 12 cents to see if he gets out if or not. That is how your stories affected me, I wanted to see the next one to see how it turned out. Thank you for getting them out so fast.

Your last story lost some appeal but that is because you had this scenario going in the first 4 where the main character and the reader knew what was going on and the wife didn't. The reader wanted to see how this would end and as soon as the wife found out, that technique ended.

To the reader who complained about the length of the story, it is probably because you are a slow reader and things don't happen fast enough for you. My advice is to keep reading and you will get faster and then perhaps appreciate the greatness of this story.

Thanks for writing a great set of stories. 5*

Finally,I am happy that you don't take all the advice from the readers that you get.

But I feel like there is more to the story. Or needs more. The epilogue feels like it's missing something.

Author here. Firstly, I wanted to say a MASSIVE thank you to everyone for reading this and commenting on it. You have no idea what it does to an authors soul to have people actually talking about what you've written.

Now, I actually wrote this about six months ago. Reading it again now, I actually agree with those who said "Is it done?" The end confrontation with Deanna was incomplete. There is more to her story, from her point of view.

So, while I don't normally do this, I'm writing an addendum for the story. Chapter 5 - from Denna's point of view. I know some people will love this and some will hate it - I know I can't win that. But I think it's necessary, so I'm doing it. Expect it in a week or so (It takes that long from submission to the site before it's published).

Also note, it will be written in a slightly different tone - chapters 1-4 are written through Ryan's eyes, and therefore tainted with his personality. Chapter 5 isn't, so it won't have the same style. Just so you know.

.....for a wonderful story.

This was a great story. I don't necessarily agree with the poster who indicated to keep writing, there is more to the story. Of course there is more to the story, that's what life is, "more to the story". I can't wait for your next effort. Very well done. xoxo Bev

Until the finish of the story to comment.

I've enjoyed your tale and will have to read more of your stories.

I'm happy there wasn't a reconciliation after what the wife had done. People who haven't experienced the depth of deceit and disrespect of a cheating spouse have no idea of the hurt and trauma involved. Enough with the psycho babble and on the my comment.

This story was well written with just a touch of self depreciating humor to keep it from being morbid. The scenario was more realistic in that that wasn't a soul saving beautiful woman waiting to make the husband's life all better. Unless somewhat of a relationship has already been building, most people are faced with being alone and to some extend unloved.

Thanks for the hard work and keep plugging away; we'll keep reading.

Woodmanone

The Jumbotron thing was original and unexpected and if the story had just that and nothing else you'd get a 5 in my book. While some of the moralizing was a little over the top It's hard to argue with your end result -- and thank you for making the post-divorce scenario so much more realistic than in most other stories! In summary, I wish that I could have given a score higher than 5!

Now you are adding a chapter to cover Deanna's thoughts. I really don't give a shit about the cheating bitch. We know she was bored and la de dah de dah. She betrayed her husband and is suffering the consequences. End of her.

Who cares why.

Now to see how Ryan is doing after the divorce through her eyes, I can get into that. Watching Deanna squirm as Ryan finds love again.

But please do all the readers one favor, don't fucking go with threesomes or other cockamamie things that ruined your other stories.

Keep it real.

Damn this was a good story!!!!!

Thank you for a great series, and for my enjoyment of it. Also, thank you for your commitment to write an additional chapter. Deanna really was left with basically a positive view of Jordan and of her ability to judge men's characters. She also wasn't forced to admit to her demeaning of her husband and to her lack of real love for him. Moreover, I hope you give us some red meat by way of seeing that some bad things also happen to the scum Jordan.

Well, more hurt people...kids...spouse(s).

Cheaters never prosper, and anger never leaves. Just retribution for the hurt.

Stupid people who look for excitement, outside of their relationship / marriage, and then the kids suffer, along with the hurt to the innocent.

But who is guilty? Should the spouse(s) not have seen the signs of lost feelings /lack of intimacy and not have acted upon them?

Naturally 5***** story but I thought the chapter does not contain The end at the end., Luckily the Author wrote in his selfcomment, he wrote his 5th chapter with POV change.

I hope you include the recording Ryan made from Jordan's apartment. Deanna needs to know what lover boy really thought of her.

I think you missed the boat not using it here.

I can only salivate at how the bitch will feel. I also hope you let Ryan move forward. He is a good an with a good soul.

... as others already stated:

the eye-opening effect of the i-Phone recording of her lover's opinion about Deanna would have done a lot. There is also still a lack of real remorse on her side - but obviuosly you intend to fill this void by a follow-up from Deanna's POV.

I appreciate that in advance - thank you for sharing.

5* from me!

Hello Author Jezzaz:

I don't know that Deanna's point of view will do any persuasion to the many who read to this point, to sway them for any other reason that justifying her position!

She wasn't happily married, in a mid-life time, he was unknowing about her and too busy to talk, knowing full well that she was not "listening" when he talked.

So I don't look forward to your chapter 5 posting, to justify anything that hasn't already been written.

Well... interesting.

Turns out I was reading a book about the why of affairs from the female side, and this seems to match most of that argument - it may be the author and I have similar libraries.

Personally, I find exotic revenge motifs depressing and unrealistic, but am coming to the realization at it is kind of a Walter Mitty thing - trying to get some of your own back. My point of view is that you didn't lose your own in the first place - they lost yours, if you can follow the twisty verbiage.

So... the jumbotron thing seemed over the top, and the emotional realities of the separation are ignored. But you needed to "save" the hero, in some part, and so I see the need for it.

You may in fact be dealing with the follow on to the "revenge" in chapter 5 - I'll be interested in seeing what that entails... a discussion of "limbo"? {:-^)

Green-something

That is realistic. Pain. Just pain.

She needs to know he considered her a "fixture" of the condo to pass on to the next person. Not really a person at all.

During their Red Robin meeting, there were two points which COULD have been added by Hubby! The point that Her Bull was willing to pass her along as a bonus for buying his place (sexy accessory!) was unnecessary, because she knew (despite Bull's trying to get an ILY from Sweetie) that the adventure had a finite duration! Hubby's option to play Her Bull's taped statements about her became superfluous and unkind.

The second point became 'eligible' when she asked for a 'second chance'. Hubby coulda (and IMHO, shoulda) said "I gave you a second AND third chance! If you remember when were 'going to celebrate a colleague's success - in bed', I asked you, in front of the kids, to STAY WITH US, because your family was more important? Then, I called you at the game BEFORE the shit hit the fan and told you to come home - that your family needed you! If you had opted for us EITHER time, reconciliation could have been a consideration! You blew your family off both times!"

Great story!

5*

Jezzaz: I commend you on this story, both its style and substance. I would like to echo a commenter who requested that you write a story where the husband actually confronts the cheater when he first gets wind of the cheating. To me, I can't imagine being able to bottle up the emotions well enough to fool someone who lives with me every day. Just as a person feels a cheater being distant, so would the cheater feel that something was "off" about the spouse's bottled up demeanor, especially since they are likely worried about being caught in their cheating.

I, too, thought that the woman's character seemed clichéd and weakly developed. You're addressing that with an addendum, and that's commendable. And maybe I'm expecting too much character from someone who would cheat, long-term, with some one-dimensional sleezeball. But all too often I find the women cheaters to have less believable emotions than the men characters, probably because I'm a man. I would also ask that in your addendum that you provide a better treatment than many authors, who simply re-tell the events in the woman's first-person narrative. Give us some real meat here, where we can believe the emotions and where they aren't simply as shallow as they are in the original story. A tall task, for sure.

Again, thanks for the story. I gave it a 4 instead of a 5 because I don't like stories where we only get one side of things for the majority of the story. And I don't like stories where the guy accepts the cheating for any length of time while he "gathers more evidence..." all the while finding ways to [unrealistically] avoid contact with the cheater. Those critiques aside, you captured a lot of believable emotions and I appreciate your effort.

This is NOT a BTB story ... This IS a weak attempt by a Cuck aurthur trying to make the reader believe the indecisive, weak husband is really a man and is exacting "revenge" on his cheating WHORE wife Deanna.

In fact, this is an attempted RAAC story starring a disgusting, low life, gutter slut wife and a husband who has no pride, no self respect and certainly NO balls!

Revenge ..... Neither Ryan or jezzaz can spell the word much less know how to exact it!

This story just came to Literotica. I think it will be one of it's most popular over time! Deanna, his soon to be ex, is caught cheating. In the end she is divorced but not very sorry, except for getting caught. Her ex-lover, in town for a while, also ends up divorced. They each blame each other for getting caught: not for the cheating. Deanna wants her old life back, like nothing happened, Ryan, according to her, just doesn't understand? Will he take her back someday? WE don't know for sure. Well thought out story!

This is a typical tragedy. He did nothing wrong and she has no reasonable excuse for what she did except that well known feeling of Invulnerability which lets people drive cars at high speed beyond their limit of control.

If the kids were not involved I would demand two dead bodies... hers because of what she did and his because there is no way that he will ever recover from what she did and said. Excellent story and storytelling.

I too have been there and done that. Didn't plan it, but ended up with living well as my revenge - didn't need any on psycho first wife she messed up her life afterward all by herself. This guy WILL find another lady to spend his wife with, because looks become less and less important as people age AND we guys start dropping off earlier. In my case my second wife is better than I could have ever hoped for or imagined and we are 29 years and happy. Back to the story - thank you J for avoiding th RAAC ending - when wifey dearest started with the counselor and the cliches I was afraid that was where she was going. The only critique I have is that the abjectly penitent wife is a myth - an appealing myth - but still a myth. IRL this selfish woman would have blamed it on her husband for being too boring et cetera et cetera. Great story, though. I loved the jumbotron hack.

Thank you for the time and effort you spent writing these stories. I can tell that you are trying new things because you changed your writing style (a little too chatty) and didn't make the offended spouse reconcile. You need to focus on your story and the build up. You spent a lot of time planning for lawyers and lawsuits but in the end you don't even tell the reader what happened to them. Did he sue Lawler? Did he keep the kids and the house? Did the wife agree to a divorce? If she doesn't want a divorce, why not separate and give her nothing?

The wife is supposed to be smart but has no idea that something is wrong with Ryan when he returns home after she is on national TV making out with her lover? Ryan never has sex with her, he cries when given a crappy gift, he appears to her to have suddenly become a drunk and doesn't figure out that he knows? Even weeks after she is caught, she didn't figure out that he was behind the video that captured her having anal sex with her lover in his apartment that was on the Jumbotron? Ryan told the sister what was going on the day wife was served. She has had weeks to have figured it out.

I am glad that you are going to write another chapter. Its your story so I'll have to accept that this was her first affair. It just seemed to quick and easy. How does a faithful wife turn into a whore so fast. The guy was an asshole but not a player. After being in Chicago for a year this is his only conquest and it happens as he is trying to go back home to his wife and kids. It doesn't make sense. Ryan should have played the recording for her. She still thinks Lawler was a good guy. She needs therapy and so does Ryan. Both agreed that she wouldn't have done it if she knew she'd get caught. That is wrong. She got off on the risk. Ryan gave her one chance when she was dressed like a slut to go to her lover to stay with her family and she should have caught on after all of his strange behavior. She knew what she was doing and decided to do ass to mouth with her lover instead.

Take your time. I look forward to finding out how these characters develop. I know the story has been going around in your head for some time and now you have shared it with thousands of readers. Thanks for your work!

I would have liked to have know more in regards to what happened to the other cheating spouse in the story. Plus the cheating wife never gets to hear what the man she was cheating with and was falling in (lust) love with really thought of her. That would have been classic if her husband had played the tape of him trying to set her up with the guy who purchased his apartment. That would have been choice. Maybe "Finish the Dam Story" will use it. Still gave you a # 5. Great Job. No gay husband shit.

I also think that he should have brought up the offer to have her with the condo sale and also shown her the video of sex and audio. maybe a part 5 would be good. I thoroughly enjoyed this story. I actually checked everyday for the next part. Great writing and great story. A part 5 could tell us what happened to Deanna and Ryan afterwards and the fallout. Maybe she cons him back and cheats again or gets caught dating while starting to see Ryan again after promising not to... Maybe Mellissa gets with Ryan. Alot of possibilities.Id love to read more on this.

Ryan was almost too wishy washy to be believable when he tried to be a hard case. Don't get me wrong, I liked this story, but after reading chapter 2 I thought that if Ryan was a facebook meme it would read: Scorched Earth, you're doing it wrong. I'm glad he didn't take the whore back, but he gave her too many extra chances.

I like the absence of a magical happy ending. You've introduced a character with a problem, resolved that problem, and left them in a place where they can move forward with their life. You've done it with insight and with respect for your audience. Fairy tale endings are fun, but on Lit it seems EVERY story has to have one, and when the same plot points get covered over and over again they become meaningless and heartless compulsions. I'll gladly read your addendum...I'll even look forward to it....but I think what you've left us with here is fine.

Any story that generates 96 comments in less then one day shows how popular it is...The fact that the author is willing to grant us a 5th Chapter to show Deanna side is very commendable.

I hope as so many others have written she gets to hear that lover num nuts thought she was part of the apartment closing deal. If her fantasy was to "compartmentalize" her life then she needs to find out "prince charming" was just a pimp.

Great Story...the olde Naksub would be proud of your accurate Chicagoland references.......Go for More

All the previous comments have covered what I wanted to say. The emotional connection for me was maximized, i looked forward to each following day's postings.

And thx for posting consecutively-really keeps the story alive. I have never given another autor "5's" on all segments of a multi chapter story, even DQS or Rehnquist (maybe Rehnquist on one of his tomes) or Josephus-but this was great.

cannot wait for Deanna's POV in Chapt 5-will prob be disappointed if you are a man writing this-so hard for a man to get into a female psyche-but anxiously await your efforts.

The quality of this story will cause me to read "Metamorph", which I have studiously avoided.

I would love to see Ingrams & Associates activated to solve this dispute:) Also, reach out to Betrayedbylove-I think he has a story that you might be able to bring to fruition, if he would care to share it with you..

Great job-be proud-look at the Literotica HOF author's who have commented positively on your work!

patillie

There are only TWO possible ways why we ---- most of us anyway ---- should/would care what the ex wife has to say:

One: when she speaks, some years had passed and she has, against many of our *predictions,* found a way to win him back and they've resumed their former life. This option is way too clichéd to be done here, since this is a very good story as it is...

Two: she's found someone better! This will get THE AUTHOR tar and feathered; but it WOULD indeed make it a very ironic reading and story.

(This could happen, if ONE the husband simply crumbled, from bitterness and other narcissism and TWO the woman actually learned from life's painful lessons and made concerted effort to move on, to build a more worthy life. But, again, this would make the story here too tragic and painful for its readers.)

Ultimately, neither option would make the average reader happy, because as average people, we tend to be fickle, hypocritical, moralizing, and judgmental. But at least one of these two options would say to us, Well, yeah, she DOES need to tell her *side* of the story or needed to tell us what happened "at the end."

In other words: bringing in the rambling excuses of a woman who has treated her husband heinously in her cheating activities ----- a decently good husband who may be a bit full of himself, at work, but who still remembers to bring her flowers, etc. weekly ---- DOES NOT add any thing to THE STORY, this story.

I agree with others, I think that there is more to this story, the background is very realistic about the impact of cheating, and the compartmentalization that Deanna shows is very, very true..but the real question is not answered here, why? Could Deanna simply be a selfish bitch who wanted what she wanted? Possibly, but on the other hand she is a good mom to the kids, seems to have friends and does seem to care about Ryan. The angry posters with their tales of woe about women, how women are cheating bitches looking to spread their legs, is one sided and in many ways so is this tale, her explanations are cliches and something doesn't ring true.....

The most important thing for this story in my opinion, is that Ryan needs to understand why she did what she did, why would she tell loverboy her husband was a dud in bed and would be fantasizing about him, not Ryan? Was that part of the act, the game, or did she do that because she told herself that in justification in screwing around? A Good therapist would make her come clean, and probably would want Ryan to confront her, too...

The thing is, Ryan will need that for closure, otherwise he will blame himself. Maybe part of the reason she felt like she could go ahead and do this was because for years Ryan had not called her on her behavior of ignoring his stuff and only focusing on herself, like, for example, when he got her nice gifts and such to show he loved her, not responding....it isn't his fault, of course, but maybe he needs to understand her to forgive himself and realize he did nothing wrong. And yes, it is possible for them to build a new relationship, they are obviously in love with each other, but to do so Ryan needs to understand why she would feel comfortable doing it, how it happened, to have trust he could trust it wouldnt happen again.

In reality, few women cheat for the reasons some commenters would like us to believe, that women are tied into their lust and all kinds of other old crap..women cheat in large part because they feel like they are missing something from their primary relationship, and it usually is not just sex....a recent study on women and sexual response shows that women do not get the sexual response out of casual sex men do, for example, that they get the big charge when they are emotionally invested in the person..so Deanna is not just doing this to get laid or have thrill sex, something about the douchebag touched something in her, there was more to it than the sex...Deanna rationalized that this was just sex, but it wasn't, it was emotions expressed through sex, and that in many ways makes it worse......

Hopefully part5 isn't just the events as seen from her eyes, because the problem with that is usually it is just more of the same what we saw from Ryans eyes, saying "I don't know why I did it", "he made me feel alive", "I love Ryan, why can't he see it" and so forth.....and more importantly, Ryan needs to understand...

Okay, now my personal take, I think there is room for this to go where they get back together, but it is going to take a fundamental change for both of them, the only way t o prevent the same thing is a relationship where they both have the strength to A)call the partner on their crap and b)open up

Just like life.....The wold goes on, work and kids continue....No majic, just life.....and other opportunities

Just reading through the comments this morning and wanted to add a couple of things.

I would be very interested to see chapter five. Hard to write from second POV when readers have already got a firm picture in their mind. Her point of view was explained in the final meeting.

I don't think I've read any of your other work but will have a look when I get the time. Authors shouldn't be pigeon holed and the Anon who was critical of this story because your previous stories weren't to his taste is an A-hole.

A 5th chapter? You just made my day.