All Comments on 'She Wanted to Swap'

If you are writing your story in Word, hit the key marked "F7" once in a while. It will help you with your spelling.

Not too bad for a first offering, don't give up yet.

Your grammar is atrocious! You also need to think out your plots a little better. No wife with that much to lose would ever allow another woman into her home for 2 weeks. The whole premise on which the story is based is flawed.

If you like to write keep at it, but learn to do it properly.

The writer is using voice recognition software. How can we tell ??...."Even as they wash they did not stop to saver the fun." one grammatical and one homophone. The fun part for the reader is to enunciate what the writer intended to put down, and then using different regional usa accents, decide on 'witch' area the author lives in.

That error was just about the last straw, 'witch' is good because it was in the last paragraph,

Keep writing, please, you do show good skills, but an editor is a 'must have'.

Cheers, and Thanks

Kilroy.

While the concept was good, you were unable to articulate it because of your inability to spell and use grammar properly. Get someone whose first language is English and let that person proofread your story before you submit it.

but you desperately need an editor.

with your writing... this could be a good presentation but with all the errors, spelling, wrong words, etc....

Outside of poor writing, just usual trash.

Really needs editing

Made it hard to read

I have to agree with bobby9909. You need an editor or at least a proof reader to iron out the mistakes in the spelling and grammar. I liked the story even though they were cheaters. The other spouses were not nasty enough, just stupid. One other point, Connie worked at a beauty parlour, her hair and make up would always have been perfect when she was out in public. That she was chubby would not have mattered.

Obviously your writing could stand editing help! Word choice, syntax, grammar etc. are all problematic. You should really research how to do dialogue as well. What I found refreshing was your portrayal of the 'good' husband and wife, Chuck and Connie, cheating while the 'bad' couple, Liz and Carl, were faithful, despite Carl's intentions and efforts. Early on I was puzzled by the lack of a coherent plan by Liz. Did she not intend to plant cameras in her home to keep an eye on Chuck or was she so sure he would not be interested in Connie? She really thought two weeks without her would make him welcome her back? Guess so. The narrator had obvious disdain for Liz, and that was not necessary. So a very mixed bag author, but thanks for writing an interesting story.

story could have been good but you need and editor and a proofreader

The huge number of grammar and spelling efforts don't just make the story really hard to read, they suggest the author doesn't care much about the story.

If you care about the story and want other people to enjoy it, take a little care with it.

Here are a few (not all) of the problems in just the first 3 paragraphs:

"With a large chest and worked out three days a week." is not a sentence.

"Which had a kind but forceful look to it." is not a sentence.

"As she stood up and dropped her rob and looked at goddess in the mirror."

"rob" should be "robe". "goddess" should be "the goddess".

Names are capitalized, so "chuck" should be "Chuck"...

Yikes, the mechanics of the writing is so poor that I couldn't finish reading.

1. You mix tenses in most sentences & paragraphs. Past Tense: she picked up the charcoal bag

Present tense: he sprays her...

2 I saw her do..., she saw me do... NOT I seen her do...

I finished the story, but can't give you any stars. Your poor grammar makes you sound like a country bumpkin who ain't had no good schoolin'.

She STRIPPED, NOT she striped. A zebra is a striped animal. A person who takes his/her clothes off and is naked has STRIPPED

Thought u were pranking us at first, but then I realized you were serious. Worst use of English language ever. Getting past 2nd grade would have been a better choice.

Did you know there is a way to construct a paragraph? Please don't write anymore or get a group of editors.

Trouble is, sometimes it lets the wrong word through.

Pay more attention to this with your next submissions and you'll do much better.

HORRIBLE!!!

You need an editor - badly. I think you had a decent storyline, it's simply your execution that's lacking. So many grammatical mistakes made this whole thing difficult to follow and your incorrect usage of so many words ruined the story. Try again.

That sucks! You need a proof reader/editor in the worst way. Spelling and sentence structure are terrible. AMF

Forget about formatting paragraphs!

Learn how to write a SENTENCE, first!

Two people raised rich. Sweetie's Dad was a crook, so he is NO longer rich! Hubby is still rich, but Sweetie is pissing him off with her materialism! Sweetie wants to show Hubby what a good deal he has, being married to her. She arranges a fake 'wife swap' and gets a woman who is not the breathtaking beauty Sweetie is as the substitute wife. Sub is hardworking woman, with a lush body, and Hubby appreciates the Sub's attributes - work habits AND physicality. Hubby sees his marriage wasn't as good as his time with Sub, so he divorces Sweetie!

That is what I got outta this tale! OK, but highly trite and predictable.(N. a S.)

Writing is Piss POOR! On about ALL counts! (N. a S.)

2* Sincerity earned the second star!

...after about 4 paragraphs. You cannot form a coherent sentence, you have no idea about grammar, spelling, punctuation...Please get one of the Literotica editors to help you out.

Please keep writing. Go to Literotica forums and email your next submission to one of the volunteer editors if they agree to proof it for you. You will notice your harshest critics are the ones with no stories of their own or they are anonymous so disregard most of the negative comments. Keep writing!!! -- clyde137 (changed my email address here and locked myself out of my own profile so I'm posting comment as anon.)

Looking forward to future submissions.

I love this story...and how it turned out....

It looks like English is not your first language. I agree that you need a Literotica editor. Not many readers will struggle through all your mistakes in English. You really need an editor. The story was tolerable and I read the whole thing, but it was painful.

Could had a little more of an ending. But like the story.

A good attempt for your first story. As per past comments you need a editor and check your grammar.

Okay, so you got a lot of negative comments and I must admit most are justified. I wish people who make these comments would offer more specific help. Yes, some recommended an editor and others pointed out various shortcomings, but many just said your writing was bad.

Now, let's see what we can do to fix it. First, you have a good story, it needs to be polished. I suggest you not try another story until you fix the problems with this one. It almost seems like you wrote this story and submitted the first draft. If so refrain from doing it again. I advise you to start by reading all the writer's help available on Literotica. As you finish each section apply what you have learned to this story. Also, as you read this draft, or any first draft, read it aloud. You'll be surprised by the errors that you'll catch. If you have someone you can trust, get them to read and comment on it. If they will read it to you, you'll find it a great help. After you have done all you can with this story try to get an editor to work with you. Start on a new story while waiting to hear from the editor. It's the old "get right back on the horse that threw you" thing.

Above all, don't get discouraged. You have a good story line. You are applying your own special twists. That's what writing is all about. Regardless of the naysayers, there are no new plots. We all must take old ones and make them live in our own special way. You have the knack for doing that. Writing it up properly is something you can learn. When you get all this straight resubmit to Literotica as a update. I'd love to read it.

An editor would help with the numerous writing errors. But the story was fairly original and there was some eroticism, so I give 3 stars, since it was the first effort for this author.

I picked up on the ultimate end of this story by early in page 2. Though, in all honesty, I'm not sure how you could have changed the developing plot line to make it a more enticing surprise. Perhaps the wife's "friend" could be made to be the one suggesting setting this whole scheme in motion (perhaps she has her own ulterior designs on the husband too?) - that way the wife gains some sympathy by being placed into more of a victim's role, and the ending becomes more of a surprise to all.

Over all, though, while the character development could use some more depth and polish also (I was beginning to wonder why I cared about these people and this story-line part of the way through), I did like your effort.

.....that suffers from a complete lack of proof reading and editing. OK, it was a little obvious early on where it would end, but it was a worthwhile read getting there.....if only it had not been so much work to decipher your intended meaning and thought in nearly every paragraph.

Dude, with some polish on your efforts, you could become a major contributor.

But you can't submit a story that is so filled with incomplete thoughts, poor grammar and poor spelling and think that's OK. It's not.

Just know that in the big world out there where people work at communicating effectively, the additional effort beyond first draft is always a necessary part of being a writer.

You have a knack for story telling and even have a real good first entry. Too bad you didn't respect yourself, the story and your audience enough to do the complete job the first time in.

Don't stop. Just do the whole job. I think you'll be very happy with the results and equally, so will we be thrilled by the great story without the distractions of trying to decode bad sentence structure and lousy spelling.

Oh, and to the commenter that moans about too general criticisms.....look, we're not the editors nor proofreaders here, we're the audience....the target group. It has to be good enough to get attention at all.

Great premise for a story but needs a friendly editor. I gave you 3 just

On the originality of your tale!

Too many fragments pretending to be sentences. Editor UP!

I join the many voices complaining about the writing in this humdrum tale. I can overlook a few typos but not the consistent use of improper verb tense including mixed tenses in the same sentence, misspellings that were not mere typos, and other jarring errors that distract the reader from the tale. Unfortunately, I did not pull out after two pages as I was tempted to do and others did. I read it to the end -- and it didn't improve.

The name of this site is Literotica. The "Lit" precedes the "erotica" and has to be honored. You don't have to be Hemingway, but your product has to reflect writing skills more advanced than a 5th grader.

Good idea for a plot line which had some very good potential for a great story.

Though 4 pages was little tough going with out an editors touch !

...you´ve got interesting ideas for nicely plotted stories, but do yourself - and your readers - the favour: Use your talent, use your ideas but let yourself be helped by getting them proof read. Your stories are hard to read due to too many rethorical mistakes (i.e. "set" instead "sat", "witch" instead of "which" etc).

Others do it, so why shouldn´t you? Once you have settled with everything I am sure we can expect many interesting stories.

How could whoever it is that approve stories to appear on the site have ever approved this as it is?

It's unreadable, practically illiterate and should embarrass the person(s) submitting it.

I usually don't go for the cheating wife stories. I go for the BTB stories. But this one was sweet, and his wife was a bitch. I hate women who think they can get anything they want. So what the next time she arranges something like this it will be for her to be able to cheat. That's the way these stories are written. So why not a sweet one where the husband who was wronged in the first place gets his comuppance. Seriously, if you really read it he really fell head over heals in love with the woman who wasn't a total bitch-a rarity in this site. I hate women who are total bitches, and this one was good for me.

What does that mean in English?

i find the ending stupid .. there was no nothing on Liz's or Carl's reaction .. there should have been

I sure hope so because this was written so badly, if english is your primary language then shame on you. There was no drama here. Everything was broadcast from the very start. The writing, in addition to being so poor, was very flat with no emotion what so ever. I would give this one star but gave it two because I feel sorry for the writer.

The spelling in this story is so bad, i'm almost embarrassed to be reading it.

Hard to decide which was worse, the story or the writing. Not sure if this is the most pathetic tale I've read on LW, but it's certainly in the running. I struggled with the very poor spelling, sentence construction, oh hell just about everything; only managed to get to the end of page 1 & then gave up. Extremely poor. This is one story that deserves a very large minus score. 1 *

Seriously needs an editor. Not a bad plot, it just needs some serious work.

4* for the effort.

hopefully you continue this. don't pay attention to assholes that cut up on stories. i do hope to see a second part to this story, and thank you for writing it.

Refreshing to see something different. You need an editor though. Desperately.

Story difficult to follow given so damn many errors

Please continue with more stories that was hilarious

Looks like Liz really fucked that one up didn't she?

Dude, a sentence should have a noun and a verb. I gave up reading after two paragraphs. It was just too painful.

The story may have been great but I will never know.

I only got three paragraphs in before the misspellings and incomplete sentences got to me. I gave up. Four pages of that stuff would have been too much to handle. It may have been a good story, but I will never know.

Surely it was obvious what Liz was like before he married her.

I read for a few minutes but the missing words, misspelled words and other grammar mistakes made it too distracting to continue. Don't submit rough drafts. Get an editor. Keep trying.

Connie weighs 200 pounds so she looks like the Pillsbury doughboy. Chuck would never get a hard on looking at someone like Connie. This author lives in a dream world.

I agree with Stubbyone

I love bbw's. So what she weighed a little more. Her personality made up for it. Plus the fact she was natural was a plus.

The Good...It was an interesting story. The Bad...It had more spelling and grammatical errors than any one story I have read in at least a year. You were constantly changing from present tense to past tense...sometimes in the same sentence. Learn punctuation. Learn sentence structure. Either English is not your primary language or you are a thirteen-year-old writer.

As both women are different sizes ,how come the blue dress would fit them both?.

With this exposition, we finally know who is making all of those abominable translations from Chinese that come as instructions with the crap the Chinese are sending us!

Full4life is the guy doing it all! Who else in this country could make such a disaster out of the English language!

I think all the negative reviews scared him away; it's been five years since he/she last posted. If we could encourage him/her to start writing for Literotica again, maybe the Chinese would hire a different translator, so we could figure out what the hell their instructions and manuals mean. So get a different computer, new laptop / tablet, etc, and start posting reviews that give him/her five stars and state he/she is the greatest writer of the English language since the Bard of Avalon put down his quill!

Then maybe we can all learn how to make the electonics we buy stop flashing "12:00" over and over!

Story is not terrible, but spelling is awful. Can't take it seriously when you're laughing.

Get an editor. One star because I couldn’t get through it.

I love pretty women, no chubby chaser am I, and my wife is hot. But I had friends who have had wives like Liz, and their lives sucked. I have always thought even a less attractive and/or overweight woman who is fun, and actually acts like she wants her man adds 2-3 points to her peter-meter score.

What crappy grammar, spelling, word usage.

Fit for a grade school pupil.

Get yourself an editor that can edit properly.

This has a good plot and some good character development. The main problem is the editing, there are to many spelling and grammatical errors. However, this is more difficult to do than most people think.

Keep writing and developing your ideas the rest will come with time. Well done!

When first we practice to become bitches

I couldn't like much of the story because of the absolute shit spelling and grammar. It makes the story very difficult to read and understand. You have had over 5 years to have this story edited properly and reposted. Apparently you just don't give a damn. Contrary to what an anon wrote about 9 months ago, it is not difficult to get someone like me to correct those errors.

detroitdave

Good lord...GET AN EDITOR!!!

Should have had them not have sex till after the papers were delivered.

“If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, don’t make a pretty woman your wife”. Kid Creole and the Coconuts

Read a few comments about editing. Yeah true, but if you can’t slide over it, understand the story and enjoy it anyway, you need to remove that stick, you aren’t very bright or both.

Decent story spoiled by terrible writing.

Enjoyed the story plot line. The written part was really awful and one often would have to stop, say Huh? and then continue on.

Although the plot was great, you really need someone to edit. Rea h out to me next time and I'll help

Nice story, great plot

But needs editing

Maybe Spellcheck, maybe a good editor, but your English is lousy, your spelling atrocious and the rest was questionable.

Ridged for rigid, witch for which and that is just two. Perhaps the worst grammar I've ever seen in Literotica. No score because I just couldn't fight the lack of reasonable English any longer.

The writing left a little to be desired, but the story was fantastic!

Why do you call this loving wife literotica? The actions are just the opposite of loving wives. Zero stars!!!

This is a very good story, although spelling and grammar need work. I can see a story happening like this in real life. Chucks wife was clearly in that marriage for nothing other than the lifestyle that the money generated for her. It seems she wouldn't even be with him if not for the money because her inheritance was spoiled. I gave it 5 stars, because it was very readable with cueing up the spelling and grammar. Hi attraction to Connie clearly indicated that he was so interested in her because of her down to earth persona of life, and their clear similar interests which generated mutual understanding and very similar values.

i don't get it .

This was written by someone with about a fourth-grade writing level. Maybe, even third grade. It was about 70% comprehendible, but the writing was muddled and unclear. Awful. I see why OP never posted again.

I am cognizant that I did not pay a cent for this story. Happy that is so.

The writing is so poor that it was much too laborious to attempt to complete the read after the first 4 paragraphs. This was not worth the ether space required to contain it.

A miserable offering of drivel, to be sure.

Virtually unreadable.

I don't understand it why fake wife swap for two weeks,there more time to cheat any away, write something real believable even cheating wife never send beautiful women to husband for 2 week..

Wow! This guy writes his first story, and most of the commenters rip him to shreds ? The plot, for those of you too busy finding grammar mistakes to notice, was that a woman without inner beauty, is ugly. The woman who agreed to the swap, was so busy trying to make a living, she never had the time for the finer things in life. And as a consequence, she appreciated all that life had to offer. And Liz thought that her plastic surgery, somehow made her the better choice, that he couldn’t turn down. Liz lost in the end. No amount of makeup or surgery, to cover up her ugliness. Thanks for the story- 5 stars.

Schwanze1- The original, and hit version of “ you wanna be happy for the rest of your life” was recorded by Jimmy Soul in 1963. Give it a listen.

I don't read these stories to find something wrong, rather to fire my imagination. grammar and spelling make little difference. This story painted a picture which I put my own frame around. Good read. #4

Chit story, 2 😔⭐️s

Why are you writing? Just to get the words out of you? To simply purge yourself of unpleasant ideas and sentences?

Oh, you want to communicate with readers? To have your ideas understood, to have your readers feel the same feelings you had when you wrote it?

THEN TRY GIVING A DAMN ABOUT YOUR READERS AND GET AN EDITOR, OR AT LEAST REREAD YOUR SHIT.

If I am editing your nonsense prose while trying to read it, I’m no longer enjoying it, I’m working.

I enjoyed the story but not the writing, get an editor or re-read carefully.