this may very well be the worst story I've ever read. The grammatical mistakes are unbelievable and the story sounds like something thought up by a 5 year old.
disjointed, confusing, unbelievable piece of sundry waste with him marrying D's wife. The worst cliché of loving wife stories. But of course most this ridiculous story was just one boring cliché after the other. Married his wife. Ha, Ha ha. Ha ha ha.....
Strike One! better effort needed on your next story. You need to be prepared for all hate comments when you write on this particular type of cuckold stories. Well at least the guy had some type of revenge. One comment though, the wife of three months and a baby already doesn't flow too well. Better luck next time.
How can the baby (his boo boo) be his if he has never had sex with his wife? Boo boo isn't Jesus Christ, so no immaculate conception here. Also, pay attention to your syntax. You boo-boo "means" a lot to you, not "mean" a lot to you. Your wife "has" strawberry blond hair, not "have" strawberry blond hair. Also, this is full of typographical errors. The details matter, Alana. Please get an editor.
Thanks for the read. I think the theme and the outcome were great! Who doesn't like to see people rise to their potential!
But - I think you need to fill in some blanks, For example, the summary of the story is taking his wife. But besides for the title & the last line of the story, we know nothing about that. You might have wanted to fill that aspect with more background on her and, how the main character (Austin?) got her... We don;t even see the character identify himself but rather as a side note half way through the story. The father just ends up with his daughter...? Show us the process, a little background! These kind of things sort of frustrate readers who are reading a story for more than just a stroking exercise. And as said already, an editor might help.
Do you use an editor? The use of an editor would help with some of the word usage and make it easier to read. From my own experience, the words are all correct in my mind, but never seem to show up here on the screen... no matter how hard an effort made. There are some inconsistencies in the logic of the story as other comments mention. He does seem somewhat submissive but not a wimp per-say. Please do not use this writing as an example of good grammar, no claims on my part for that skill. Please do continue writing, any kind of writing is better that silence. Your courage to do this acts like a stimulus for some of us who are silent.
I put up with the horrible spelling and grammar because I wanted to see where it was going. So far I have read that you have never had sex with your wife; that she has a baby you think is yours (even though you never had sex); and you don't have sex with her because she doesn't use birth control and you don't want a baby with her, even you you HAVE a baby with her. Maybe you explained all this later on, but it wasn't worth my time to find out.
I commend you for writing a story with the male being abused. I would not consider him a wimp. He only did what any female would do when they stay with their abuser. I know how hard it is for the abused to leave. My dad beat my mom when I was younger so I know what he went through.
The story need some editing especially the part where he stated he didn't have sex with his wife yet but think the 4 month year old baby is his.
It sounds like a lot of commenters actually understood the gist of these writings! I do NOT! I'm pretty sure I don't CARE to understand it! Give ME a 1* as a commenter, because that's what I'm giving this abomination!
PS 'D' will NOT be incapacitated very long! Be afraid! Be VERY afraid!
"she have strawberry blonde hair" Not she "has"?
"But, it defiantly wasn't a wimp!" Not "definitely"?
"I have a 4 month year old baby, who I think is mine," What is she, four months or four years?
"but I might of changed my mind." Not "might have"?
"Helen doesn't know that Barbra isn't her real mom and as she proceed to grow, I'll try to slowly slip it in." If Helen doesn't know, what need is there to "slip it in?"
the story is bad but his storyline is good to many stories where the woman and her lover win thats stupid any husband would want revenge like in real life alot of husbands would buy a gun and just kill the lover and the wife hell thats what i would do
English
Not bad
I don't get the waiting to dump the whore but it was a good story......"5"
Well, as for content and technique
this may very well be the worst story I've ever read. The grammatical mistakes are unbelievable and the story sounds like something thought up by a 5 year old.
And you had to end this
disjointed, confusing, unbelievable piece of sundry waste with him marrying D's wife. The worst cliché of loving wife stories. But of course most this ridiculous story was just one boring cliché after the other. Married his wife. Ha, Ha ha. Ha ha ha.....
A bit rough, to put it politely.
Outline material. Might make for a story at some point, but it's too fractured at this stage of development.
Swing and a miss
Strike One! better effort needed on your next story. You need to be prepared for all hate comments when you write on this particular type of cuckold stories. Well at least the guy had some type of revenge. One comment though, the wife of three months and a baby already doesn't flow too well. Better luck next time.
YOU CANT LOSE WHAT IS NOT YOURS
but you can forget what it was and move onward to something more to your liking, TK U MLJ LV NV
Please get an editor
How can the baby (his boo boo) be his if he has never had sex with his wife? Boo boo isn't Jesus Christ, so no immaculate conception here. Also, pay attention to your syntax. You boo-boo "means" a lot to you, not "mean" a lot to you. Your wife "has" strawberry blond hair, not "have" strawberry blond hair. Also, this is full of typographical errors. The details matter, Alana. Please get an editor.
Stupid story
full of cliches.
Thanks for the effort.
Needs a little more
Thanks for the read. I think the theme and the outcome were great! Who doesn't like to see people rise to their potential!
But - I think you need to fill in some blanks, For example, the summary of the story is taking his wife. But besides for the title & the last line of the story, we know nothing about that. You might have wanted to fill that aspect with more background on her and, how the main character (Austin?) got her... We don;t even see the character identify himself but rather as a side note half way through the story. The father just ends up with his daughter...? Show us the process, a little background! These kind of things sort of frustrate readers who are reading a story for more than just a stroking exercise. And as said already, an editor might help.
short n sweet
Do you use an editor? The use of an editor would help with some of the word usage and make it easier to read. From my own experience, the words are all correct in my mind, but never seem to show up here on the screen... no matter how hard an effort made. There are some inconsistencies in the logic of the story as other comments mention. He does seem somewhat submissive but not a wimp per-say. Please do not use this writing as an example of good grammar, no claims on my part for that skill. Please do continue writing, any kind of writing is better that silence. Your courage to do this acts like a stimulus for some of us who are silent.
Needs work
Quite a lot of work.
Though kudos for tackling the subject of female on male domestic violence.
PRETTY DAMNED BAD
WASTE OF TIME READING.
Not A Wimp But Vengeful
The story sucks, but he got his payback a different way.
I made it through 3 or 4 parapraphs
I put up with the horrible spelling and grammar because I wanted to see where it was going. So far I have read that you have never had sex with your wife; that she has a baby you think is yours (even though you never had sex); and you don't have sex with her because she doesn't use birth control and you don't want a baby with her, even you you HAVE a baby with her. Maybe you explained all this later on, but it wasn't worth my time to find out.
I commend you for writing a story with the male being abused. I would not consider him a wimp. He only did what any female would do when they stay with their abuser. I know how hard it is for the abused to leave. My dad beat my mom when I was younger so I know what he went through.
The story need some editing especially the part where he stated he didn't have sex with his wife yet but think the 4 month year old baby is his.
Alone
It sounds like a lot of commenters actually understood the gist of these writings! I do NOT! I'm pretty sure I don't CARE to understand it! Give ME a 1* as a commenter, because that's what I'm giving this abomination!
PS 'D' will NOT be incapacitated very long! Be afraid! Be VERY afraid!
1* as promised!
WHAT THE FUCK was that GARBAGE?!!!!!! STOP WRITING!!!!! Why does Lit keep allowing this garbage through?
Well it wasn't THAT bad..
Okay, I lied. But at least it was short, and he got his revenge in the end. Plus, his dedication for Helen's safety is commendable I'd think.
yes it was
A 2 year old could do better.
Stop Writing
"she have strawberry blonde hair" Not she "has"?
"But, it defiantly wasn't a wimp!" Not "definitely"?
"I have a 4 month year old baby, who I think is mine," What is she, four months or four years?
"but I might of changed my mind." Not "might have"?
"Helen doesn't know that Barbra isn't her real mom and as she proceed to grow, I'll try to slowly slip it in." If Helen doesn't know, what need is there to "slip it in?"
No logic. No sense. No ability to write.
BAD!
REAL BAD!
No Rating
I'm not criticizing. All I'm saying is it needed more information. more background. Try this again.
This is by far the worst story I have read on Literotica. Ban him/her, and take away his computer.
Petooeee ....pure trash
why doesn't this site have negative rating ?
This immense pile of steaming BS, miserable excuse for writing needs a minus 10 stars.
.....
the story is bad but his storyline is good to many stories where the woman and her lover win thats stupid any husband would want revenge like in real life alot of husbands would buy a gun and just kill the lover and the wife hell thats what i would do
TURNABOUT IS ALWAYS FAIR PLAY
just shouldn't take so long to accomplish. TK U MLJ LV NV
Utter Garbage
Yes we do need a negative rating system. Better yet a reader "DELETE" button!
omfg
Giving this steaming pile a one star rating is an insult to stories that deserve a one star rating.
WHICH ONE OF THE 4 PAIRING OFF
is a social climber, TK U MLJ LV NV
Say nothing
Nothing 😡
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Just As He Took My Wife, I Took His or
More submissions by Alana22.