Father and Son Fantasy

nice start

good start,but you need to get a proof reader.too many grammer error's

"he was feeling me ass"

That line made my dick hard because it's been sort of my fantasy to have sex with a leprechaun. Maybe in future chapters you could put something like that that in.

You should continue your story because you want to, not because others do. I for one want to see Dad and son dick dueling and Dad sticking it into the boy's shitter.

Must have been a very small eighteen year old teenager for dad to pick up and carry into his bedroom with out the kid knowing it. A few holes in the story but still OK.

Keep it going

You have had some very critical comments but still you have made a start on a very appealing theme--one that is not often seen in Literotica.
So heed the criticism but by all means keep the story going.

I'm giving you a 5 for effort.

Re: the anonymous comments

1. Asians are usually quite small in stature. Carrying the son without waking him would not have been a Herculean task,

2. The person commenting on "grammer" needs a few lessons on spelling.

3. Have a heart! Give Ocean22 a break. He's got a good story line going and some real good hot porn could be forthcoming.. But not if you discourage him from continuing--you might even see a Leprechaun getting spit-roasted.

Well said Mr. Smyth

Regarding your comment about the "grammer" complaint - and then on top of that there was the "error's" which should have been "errors". Lucky the critical comment was only about a dozen words long :)

There are too many nit-pickers here sometimes and I say give the guy a chance. If he's still making the same mistakes down the road (and most of us make them) then give the guy a hard time

People need to lighten up. Everyone who gave a negative also complimented his story in general. How is the author ever supposed to improve if no one tells him what's wrong with his story? There's a little thing called constructive criticism, which is something all new writers need to hear. It's not like anyone was going, "lulz, your story sucks, xP." People were polite and kind, and told him what could be improved on. What exactly is the problem?

P.S. Before anyone says that if you haven't upload a story then you don't get to give criticism, take a minute to think about the ignorance of that statement. You don't have to know how to make a movie to know when you've seen one that needs improvement. It's the same for short stories. Simply reading a lot of the genre can make you expert enough to give constructive advice on short stories.

more

More please

"leprechaun"

The comment about the leprechaun was really funny, thanks. I honestly, don't care about my grammar, as long as you can understand what I meant or what is happening, your fine. Thanks everybody who commented, part 2 is coming soon.

I honestly, don't care about my grammar

Then we REALLY don't care about your writing! 1*

Well written

If a story is well written, then the poor grammar and whatever other errors could be found become secondary and hardly noticeable. As I began reading this particular story, I immediately and annoyingly grabbed onto a spelling error, then another - but the story enticed me so that I didn't notice the errors anymore. I thought the story was well written and I look forward to part 2, errors and all.

To those who critiqued the grammar, this isn't an English class.

Extremely Hot

I have had many encounters with Indian men. When I read about your incest story with a couple of Indian dad and son being the main character I enjoyed it more than I should!!

Keep it up bro.