I was very sad this story finished so quickly. Please keep it going.
by
Anonymous01/07/14
NICE, VERY NICE
This being your first post, I'm impressed. Thank You!
However, the grammar problems do detract quite a bit. I attended Uni for a year in a non-english language country myself. For me to write with correct grammar in that language would have been a super human feat. So if English is not your first language, you are forgiven. I bookmarked your STORY SUBMISSIONS page and look forward to your next chapter.
by
Anonymous01/07/14
more MORE PLS
short but very good starte I hope the rest of is going to be just as good . Is she going to do afem make over on him yours leann 5red xxxx
by
Anonymous01/07/14
Love the read, keep it up
Excellent reading, I liked how it didnt drag on to start. a couple of paragraphs then you could feel the scene happening. keep it up. I want to read more.
...And I'm certainly looking forward to where it may be headed. The english issues have a pretty easy fix, there are many volunteer editors available that might be able to help clean that up for you. Other small things would be helped by having an extra set of eyes reading the story before it gets posted. Having the main character (Matt Fischer?) go into Sarah-Lee's room to 'borrow' her clothes, then explaining that they were Louise's clothes on the bathroom floor. Such confusion is easy to fix in the editting process. What might help the story at this point though, would be a little more background on Matt. But you've set up the story well, and that first posting is always the hardest! Its great that we have so many new writers trying their hand on Lit lately, its always nice to have new selections to read. Thank you for sharing your story and looking forward to future chapters. Cheers!
English
keep this going please.
I was very sad this story finished so quickly. Please keep it going.
NICE, VERY NICE
This being your first post, I'm impressed. Thank You!
However, the grammar problems do detract quite a bit. I attended Uni for a year in a non-english language country myself. For me to write with correct grammar in that language would have been a super human feat. So if English is not your first language, you are forgiven. I bookmarked your STORY SUBMISSIONS page and look forward to your next chapter.
more MORE PLS
short but very good starte I hope the rest of is going to be just as good . Is she going to do afem make over on him yours leann 5red xxxx
Love the read, keep it up
Excellent reading, I liked how it didnt drag on to start. a couple of paragraphs then you could feel the scene happening. keep it up. I want to read more.
Hi from New Zealand
Come on over and we can play dress up together. ;-)
Rebecca.
Interesting. Overall The Story Is A Good Start...
...And I'm certainly looking forward to where it may be headed. The english issues have a pretty easy fix, there are many volunteer editors available that might be able to help clean that up for you. Other small things would be helped by having an extra set of eyes reading the story before it gets posted. Having the main character (Matt Fischer?) go into Sarah-Lee's room to 'borrow' her clothes, then explaining that they were Louise's clothes on the bathroom floor. Such confusion is easy to fix in the editting process. What might help the story at this point though, would be a little more background on Matt. But you've set up the story well, and that first posting is always the hardest! Its great that we have so many new writers trying their hand on Lit lately, its always nice to have new selections to read. Thank you for sharing your story and looking forward to future chapters. Cheers!
Huh?
The first part was confusing cause the grammar was off really bad, but other wise good story keep it up
Questions
I was totally confused from beginning to end. It was awful short too. There was no conclusion.
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