Eric's Revenge

Too short

No one likes a 1 minute read to then have to wait a day or more for another 1 minute shot at a tale. Has potential. Fuddpucker

Longer

I hope the next chapter's longer. I like it so far, so keep writing!

Pretty good start...

... But just a start. I agree it should be longer and develop more. One problem is who the heck is Eric? I assume we'll find out in future chapters. There are a host of questions too. Who is the guy Josh is working over? What does he do? (Is it gov't or private?). How has Adalynn been trained? The list goes on but just goes to show how much of a teaser this is. I'll be looking for future chapters.

Nice start L I P

Again i concur
A little too brief for a first chapter but well written.
Don't be afraid to set the scene and taking your time to do it.
The good stories are the ones that draw you in and have characters that you can relate to.
Develop this and i think you will do just fine
You also don't have to leap into a sex scene just for the sake of writing one. Make it a part of the story.
we don't mind waiting...honest

Sounds promising

I like the fact that there is a thriller-style plot and you haven't jumped straight into the sex. Keep it up. Looking forward to more.

Good first chapter to bait the hook.

You've given us one the most important parts of an enjoyable story-a believable reason for the story to happen. Revenge via the innocent is a tried-and-true motivation, now take your time in developing your own twists to the story.

As a new author, it can be easy to reach for common descriptions, but be careful that you are not falling into cliches. Does she need to be 32DD to be sexy? To be innocent at 19, must she be religiously repressed? Why not not selective and self-respecting? And to wash and care for girl parts some touching is required, hard to believe extra curricular touching never crossed her mind. Yes, that makes the contrast stronger. Just be cautious of depending on extremes.

Look forward to the next chapter.

Good Start

Ditto to every previous comment, you've got a good first chapter so far. One thing bugged a little bit - Joshua realizes he's one of four men whose covers have been compromised...and he's thinking about paperwork? I feel like he should be slightly more concerned for his fiance's well being. Even if he did "train her well" how did he train her? To take care of herself if men were to break into their home?
I feel like you took a wrong turn with his offhand remarks there. Could be a personal thing, but if he's going to have the kind of job where he tortures men for information, he should know that, if they realize his true identity, they could use those same tactics against him and against those he loves. He should run the fuck home when he hears he's one of the four that was ratted out.
He could be talking to himself, trying to convince himself that Addi is just fine, he's getting worked up over nothing, but there's just that niggling, uneasy feeling creeping up his spine...
Still, he goes home.

Looking forward to another chapter!

Thanks***

For the read.

Glad you haven't . . .

abandoned such a promising storyline. Thank you for continuing onward.

Too often we're left hanging. If I'd any talent for writing, I'd adopt all Literotica's orphans & finish them!