Should I Be Jealous of a Vibrator?

Share a vibrator

My wife and I have used vibrators on each other since our honeymoon as an adjunct to foreplay. Am I jealous of a vibrator? No. As a matter of fact, if my wife decided to use the vibrator without me, I'd think it was because she's horny--and when she's horny, I'm happy.

Vibrators can be as stimulating for men as for women. We've worn out several of them over the years. Our first was a two-speed Oster which had a rubber cup (for me) and an inch-long protuberance (for her). With a little warming lubricant on the attachment, we were off to the races. Unfortunately, Oster no longer makes that model.

Our current favorite is the Hitachi Magic Wand. It also has two speeds, but with a "router speed control," it has infinite speeds. Search the Internet for "Hitachi Magic Wand Attachments." There are attachments for both sexes, though most are for women.

There have been times when one of us "wasn't in the mood." However, a well-placed vibrator can change your mood in short order. Purchase a vibrator and use it on each other. You'll never have to be jealous of it again.

Excellent work!

I love a good essay, and this one was very good!

And P1C, thanks for the tip!

good advice

There is quite a bit of good advice here and i genuinely hope lots and lots of people read this column, but I know that few will and less will follow the advice laid out here. However there are a couple things I would like to correct and some advice to add.

1 I read the column quote above and while it seems to give a bone to men it doesn't. It is really an admonishment of women who don't engage and interact completely with their sexual partners during sex. The women who just want to get their partner off with no real personal enjoyment so they can get themselves off after. The lesson learned later in the column is that they needed to learn about their bodies and teach their partner what gets them off so they can stay connected, whether a toy was included or not. The guys who are feeling inadequate compared to a toy or vibrator are feeling so because they are not the ones providing the pleasure and satisfaction to their partner. Women let your partner wield the instrument of your pleasure, whether that is your favorite toy, mouth, fingers, toes, tongue, penis, nose, breast or the visual stimulation of a hot mutual masturbation session. There is a feeling of power, intimacy, love, fulfillment, and dare I say it total satisfaction in the giving and receiving of pleasure that gives the most mind bending, world altering orgasms that can not be achieved through self pleasure. By pleasuring yourself especially at an intimate moment where two are supposed to be most connected generates inadequacy, fear, anger, loathing, jealousy, doubt, confusion, intimidation, etc. Let me bottom line for you ladies, if you have to get yourself off after you've had sex, then you are just letting your partner masturbate himself with your pussy and you are masturbating after he is done. May as well be masturbating by yourself. I will get done faster and be less messy.

2 ok guys here it is. A womans body is like a complicated and unique musical instrument. First you must learn how to play. And yes there will be many common and basic notes that ever woman has with which to start as a basis for learning how to play with your individual woman. From there it is all mastering your instrument to produce the notes your are looking for(ie orgasm). Once you have achieved a level of mastery in which you can consistently produce orgasm then it is a matter of maintaining the condition of your instrument. Remember a womans health and well being have a large impact on whether or not you can achieve the orgasm she needs. If she is sick, emotionally distraught, or has another health or psychological problem even she may not be able to achieve orgasm through masturbation. You need to be sensitive to this and find creative ways to arouse and pleasure her.

3 Word about orgasms. Male or female, achievement of orgasm happens on a sliding scale. Some women are easy to please some hard. Take notes ladies, the same thing applies to men. Males achieve orgasm easily due to the obvious biological need to ejaculate and insemination in order to reproduce. I mention this ladies because men can orgasm and get off for years and still be sexually frustrated because they are getting just barely enough pleasure to ejaculate and are not really satisfied. Yes news flash mens bodies are just as complicated orgasm machines as a womans. So yes a sliding scale. Some women are more easily stimulated and have a lower threshold for achieving orgasm and some are more difficult with a higher threshold or any combination of the two. Anyone who reads this and is moderately experienced with sex at this point knows what I am taking about when I say mini orgasm, moderate orgasm and mind blowing orgasm. For guys a mini orgasm is just enough to blow your load if you allow yourself to. For gals it is just enough to say you are well stimulated. For lots of people male or female this is as far as it goes(in many cases not even that far for ladies). Remember pleasure itself is the goal and mind blowing orgasms the achievement. It will take time, patience, sensitivity and understanding to master your partners body to make it to that achievement.

4 Which brings us back to the point of this essay and my comment. Toys, vibrators, dildos, rabbit's, massagers, etc guys you should welcome these wonderful tools into your bed that will allow you to more easily, fully and completely satisfy your lover. If however you must eschew to use of such devices to satisfy your lover then you better damn well learn to use your body to satisfy her or you deserve the feelings of inadequacy etc and she deserves a lover who can satisfy her sexually whether it's a toy or another guy. Also just because you use a toy doesn't mean you are not learning where and how to please your lover. I am sure a vibrator to the nose, toes, ears, etc is not nearly as pleasurable and one to the clit or tits. Ladies guys deserve the same thing. Get to know his body and how best to pleasure him. Just because he blew his load in your pussy or on your body doesn't mean he is satisfied or sexually fulfilled. Toys work on guys too.

5 word about masturbation. Sexually active men and women whether they have a sexual partner or not are going to masturbate on their own. It is just going to happen. No one should get butt hurt about it. If the sexual pressure/tension is high and a partner is not there to help they are going to relieve themselves. The use of toys for masturbation is prolific. There male masturbation toys too. And guys you think a woman is going to worry about her pussy not being tight enough, or not good enough if she sees you pocket pussy. Of course not. Well she might if the first thing you do after getting her off is pull out the flashlight and go to town(hint hint ladies with the pulling of the toy after sex and getting self off). So masturbation is natural, it's going to happen, and using toys during masturbation is quite normal and should be enjoyed.

6 Toys between partners. Using toys in the bedroom can be a great deal of fun. They add spice to your sex life and provide numerous additional ways to get off. Toys they amazing enough said.

7 here is a suggestion for all the women who are feeling unsatisfied after sex and reach for the toys to scratch that itch. Get the toys involved during sex. Wild thought, have your lover hold his cock still in your pussy while you use the rabbit on your clit. The vibration will be fantastic for both of you and feeling a cock inside while orgasming will make it that much better, also feeling your pussy cumming all over him will definitely get him off. Another wild thought, stuff that giant dildo in your pussy and let your lover fuck your ass. The intensity of being double stuffed alone will drive you wild. If he is done and you still have an itch to scratch, grab the toys turn to your lover and give them to him saying I need you the get me off. Maybe beg him a little for it, but let him use the toys to get you off. He won't feel inadequate if he knows your pleasure is coming from him and you need him to get off. In fact I guarantee if you give him the toys to please you instead of rolling over with a limp dick feeling like a little man because he can't satisfy his lady, after getting you off with your toys he will be pounding your poor abused clit with his freshly hard cock after watching you cum for him.

In closing, guys no you should not be jealous of a vibrator. You are already so much more than a vibrator ever could be. If you genuinely want to pleasure you lover you should take the time to learn what pleases her and make use of every tool you can use to maximize her pleasure. Ladies if you give your man the keys to your pleasure instead of taking upon yourself to achieve fulfillment, both of you will be much more satisfied.

This one should be mandatory -

- reading in colleges and remedial hospitals.
It's that good.

Good thoughts

I think this is good advice, but I think you missed an opportunity to point out that a woman's clitoris is *outside* the vagina, so it needs different stimulation, whether that be from a hand, a tongue, or a vibrator. Sex isn't all about tab A in slot B. Partners should work together to find out what satisfies them both (or all) the best.

It works both ways

I wrote a story, "Just Being Polite," that tries to look at his masturbation from her point of view, If you think of it the right way, everybody (and every body) wins.

Interesting and fresh perspectives, thank you.

The funny thing though, is that like many married men, I will still be at least slightly jealous of it. If for no other reason than to think that the toys have the n-th percent chance of taking some limited playtime away from me.

That being said, I am glad to hear this perspective. It will help me look at things differently.

Nope

If we're talking about the "animalistic urge to orgasm" then females should be fine with their guys going with girls as young and as fit to procreate as possible. And once the guy does that once, he'll get used to it and able to use that logic too! Just as a woman won't love a vibrator, a man won't love a girl just because she makes him cum hardest by catering to his biological hardwiring (yes, we work differently).

I'm sorry, but women should make the decision of staying away from vibrators just as guys make the decision of staying away from other, more "primally appealing" women. Because they are precisely equivalent.