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English
You caught me on this one
This one is close to my being... Until a person loves and has lost a love to death, for whatever reason, it is not understandable by others... I see her in my mind, I feel her in my heart, I will love her forever and ever and ever... Thanks
wow
sorta saw this one coming. death the final separation. sad one but you did give him a future. thank yhou
Predictable but good
Caught on early that she was deceased.
Still, the style and thread lent this tale 5* in my book.
Thx.
Yes
I figured it out about halfway through. It didn't take anything away from the tale. Excellent, heart-warming and thought provoking. Sometimes love hurts.
Very moving and touching...
I saw this coming since she wasn't talking back to him, but it still brought a tear to my eye. I would have liked knowing if she left him in death or for another man. That's really not very clear. From his monologue it seems she left him for another man, but then how did she die? Oh well, it was still very well done; certainly worthy of a full 5 stars.
Very well done
Good touching story.
Excellent
Wow. 5 stars all the way. Great story and nice twist. I was wondering why the conversation was one sided. Did not see that coming.
Nice little tale, but left a LOT of unanswered questions
Please fill in the details next time you do a story like this
The only problem
Is the end....did the wife leave him for someine else and then died?Was the 'other person' listening to her own inner voice and killing herself?Did she run off then kill herself in regret? Yes,you can leave it to the reader but it leaves it unsatisfying IMO,too artsy and cute.
Brilliant!
Thanks for sharing
"Bridgit had spent no time with Maya since she left us"
That line was a bit of a misdirect. Nice try, but it didn't quite work.
Ok
Not written clearly enough to figure out. Somewhat incoherent. Keep writing 3*
Sad story
The fianceé's claim was a proper aim for a closure and to get the role from the imagine dead wife. 5*****.
Crunch
Nasty ending there, but as a widower I know the feelings. Not enough for Bridgit to embrace and a bit of a cheat there on his part. But all in all, not totally unexpected as you go crazy after a loss like this. 5 stars
you have no idea
having lost my wife after 56 years you really have no idea what it feels like. but none of us do till it happens. so just waiting to join her.
Thank you for sharing
I appreciate your attempt. I don't expect eroticism or anything like that, but I myself would have liked things to have been better defined. I have only buried a daughter - so I can't fathom being so distraught that the husband visited the grave site of a wife (in good standing) sooner than five years (sorry - it may well be just MY tunnel vision). So the implications through the story about a wife who willingly abandoned her family sort of detracts from the emotional pull that would have gone with the accidental demise of a wife who loved / was loved and didn't abandon her family. Sorry - just my take Still - well written and 5*.
Confusion abounds
I expected more. Not clear, if she died five years ago, cheated then died, or what.
BTTAP your writing has gone downhill.you need a beta reader to help with plot files and flows.
Confused in California
Only reasonable explanation
Is that she had cancer, or some other time bomb disease, and she didn't tell him. She was talking to another, her physician, and only told him when she was dying. In any case, the story, though showing promise, is not well explained, IMO.
Now
Finish the story. How did she die??????????
A five
For the writing, and for the touching of an emotion
Thanks,
MGM
Intentional
Good story, loaded with emotion. Closure is always hard, and comes to each person in a different way. In this story, I get the distinct impression that when Maya left her family behind, and went to the grave it was intentional. There is anger when grieving with death of a loved one, there are five stages. There is no established time frame for each of the five stages, and btw no particular order. Sandra knows that he could never reach closure until he confronts the anger. Sometimes the unspoken in a story is what creates the story. In the context of this story, the way Maya died is not important. This story has more depth than some realize. Very emotional and thought provoking. A good, solid 5* in my opinion.
Touching Vision
It reminds me of too many things....
old crap
There are enough of these crap stories out there no need for another. His own fault for marrying a whore. Good for the cuck probably not even his real daughter. Only redeemable person in the story is dead and that says a lot.
She could run, but can't hide ( from ex's saccharine rant )
The corpse may not be turning over in grave, but if she could , her eyes would be rolling. This was just so relentlessly vanilla. Afterwords the happy family went out for ice cream and root beer. It's just too easy for an author to kill a faithless wife.
The alter-ego husband doesn't have check self for fault or listen to opposing POV, fight for custody, pay child support. It's not like winning lottery in terms of improving life quality. It's better. Addition by spiteful spouse subtraction.
It definitely simplifies things for author who doesn't have to worry about alter-ego wronged spouse not getting last word.
Who
Who was the confidante? I'd like to think she turned to God, not another man or a doctor. 5*
Would've given it 5*
Had to deduct a star; biggest question left unanswered: why/how did she die? That's where the real story would be. If she had left him for another; what happened to that third party?
Nice story of closure though.
Ah. Sugna got in first.
It was god. Nice try BTTap - I guess you just penned this in a moment of sentimental fuzz. Ya always get a five from me.
Wasted on some obviously?
Poignant! Well written and thought out.
Well written and clever
Of course I suspected something was up because "she" never responds. But it still surprised me and got me to feel about it. I agree with others that the "confidante" should have been clarified. A priest? God? A counselor? I strongly suspect so. She knew she was dying and didn't tell them until the very end. But it would have been better to leave no doubt for the reader. Thanks for a nice change of pace.
Nicely done
Short and well done.
Thank you
5 stars
NOBODY TALKS TO GRAVE STONES? Try watching families or those close to the loved ones lost. What a twist, this story is awesome, anticipated cheating when the end threw me for a loop. Well written. Please continue writing 5 stars, which we could vote for more.
Yes, people do
talk to headstones. He might have shown a bit more tenderness, though, unless her death was the result of her cheating, as contrasted with a terminal illness. I really do not see enough here to know which. Realistic story, though. Thanks.
Good job
Great twist on talking to the grave stone however it's missing the nuts and bolts of the story.
Why did they break up? Was she sick? Killed or something else?
Next time you write take all this into consideration other then that good job
Who Was He?
I had to read it more than once and I am still unsure who "he" was. It could have been an MD, or a minister or even a lover but I still liked the story. If it was not a lover than he should have been more upset with himself than with her for shutting her out.
Good Read***
Only I feel like someone remove Pages 20 thru 40 out of a 80 page book. Leaving me to wonder what the hell happen to her. Your story your ending. Thanks for sharing.
Good Little Read
You intended the reader had to fill in the blanks; I get that. You express feelings well and sometimes that is enough.
Wow. 5* read
I was sort of expecting something like that. But it still sent a shiver up my spine.
Well done.
re: The only problem
That's not the only one, but it is the most egregious, because that comes very close to establishing that she’s alive.
The other is “You shouldn't have turned to him…” Yes, it could be a MD, but taken with the other line it pretty much establishes the inference that she’s alive and left them. That makes the ending not so much a reveal, but a twist, a canard.
That's not the only one, but it is the most egreious
AGAINST THE WIFE IN THE GRAVE
where is the Juevos for his kid and his closure, TK U MLJ LV NV
Good short story
Terrific writing! I just wish I knew what she confided in the other man that she took her own life. She admitted it was wrong to talk to another, it certainly did not help.
"I hated that she went to him behind my back. I never knew I had competition to be her confidante; she let him know about herself while deceiving me, for months"
That suggest a third party. Maybe it wasn't important in a flash story, but I am still curious. ***** Thanks for writing the story and sharing.
Not LW, maybe not LIT (except nonErotic?)
As I read it, Sweetie died of something which MIGHT have been curable if caught in time. She expressed her concerns to her boss or clergy, but not Hubby until later (when the end was inevitable). Hubby at least recognizes he would probably not have sought competent aid in time, either!
Very poignant. Suspected the denouement early and it became increasingly obvious as the soliloquy went along. But, there is no direct reference to any hanky-panky (or pre-mortem disagreements or unhappiness!) It IS suggested, but so is Sweetie's live presence as Hubby's audience! Deliberate misdirection!
unrated ... not adventurous, very anti-erotic. (But it is kinda sweet. But Hubby shoulda been bringing daughter to cemetery earlier)
Well that was strange
Saw it coming, but still - strange. It sounded like a telephone conversation most of the time. Seemed a little long to wait for the daughter.
Whooooa! Talk about emotion.
This is writing very close to the vest. Skilled beyond most very deep stuff. I read the comments which were quite interesting as well as the story. I need to read again to ensure I didn't miss something.
You are getting very tiresome Splitlicker.
This IS a Loving Wives Story.
5*, Great Story.
Maya died aged...
...17 years 354 days.
Did she, perhaps, die in childbirth?
Certainly very young.
Very emotional and thought-provoking story.
Well done - a rare 5
Math is off
She was 27 years old.
good story
very good
4*
Nice Story
I had started to pick up there was something strange occurring as I read through the story and so the ending was not a surprise for me. But, it was still well written and descriptive of what the guy went through coming to his resolution. It was a sad story but that final touch with his daughter lightened it. Well done!
I don't understand
Why is it that there are some people who need to figure out a story before reaching the ending. Well, I understand maybe doing that while reading a murder mystery (kinda like a jigsaw puzzle), but that exercise doesn't fit here. I tried to read the story without prejudice The twist at the end was much more powerful to me by approaching the story this way. I watch and become absorbed. The story is already written. I am here to enjoy not to analyze.
This story is a bit on the short side. I think that if you were to build characters, throw in some details, etc. the effect you were after would be next to impossible to maintain. You are quite good at portraying raw emotion. Keep up the good work.
is this author a retard ?
Let me see if I have this right
she cuts him of
goes behind is back
fuck his brother
then walks out on their 2 year old daughter ..
and the husband says "It wasn't fair to lay that on her?"
wow...
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