You need to get an editor or read your story ALOUD before you submit. This was full of mistakes -- everything from wrong words to missing words. If you cannot get an editor then read it aloud at least three times, and each time you come to a spot that needs correcting do so immediately, then start reading it aloud from the beginning. Read aloud what you have written as if it was the first time you saw the story. You have potential, but you need to work on self-editing to find mistakes that interrupt the flow of a story.
Thank you all for your criticism, I take it as a way to help improve my stories. I will take more better care of checking my spelling and word use before submitting my next story. I truly thank everyone who gives me their honest feedback. Stay in tune for the next chapter where Ariel takes over as babysitter and maybe more than a lover
Although I did not enjoy your story, I want to say this to a fellow writer. If someone wants to criticize the way you write, or tries to interpret your writing, but does not have the balls to put his name in the box assigned, disregard it. Anyone can talk a good game, but if you cannot write, don't tell someone how to do it. It's hard enough sitting at a computer attempting to put words together to make a coherent story someone, beside yourself, will enjoy reading. Then to get someone by the name of ANONYMOUS tell you this or that is wrong with it, is truly disingenuous. Let these criticisms fall by the wayside, like water rolls off a duck's back. Continue writing, and if possible, get a good editor, these are the only ways you will improve your skills, and produce a better story.
by
Anonymous01/19/14
Pretty good but there are a few mistakes.
Mini skirts are verboten in school. Regardless of age. No no and no! Then there is the part where he "rammed her ass" without preparation and without lube. She would be squealing, but not from pleasure, more likely crying in agony. I suspect stitches would be necessary.
Finally, she does ass to mouth without prepping her ass? Unless she has no taste buds or enjoys the taste of excrement, she would be gagging in the smell and taste. True story.
All on all, a pretty good romp but after you write your story, wait a few days then re-read it to see if it makes sense.
English
More!!!!
Please more! I love it
Please get an editor!!
You need to get an editor or read your story ALOUD before you submit. This was full of mistakes -- everything from wrong words to missing words. If you cannot get an editor then read it aloud at least three times, and each time you come to a spot that needs correcting do so immediately, then start reading it aloud from the beginning. Read aloud what you have written as if it was the first time you saw the story. You have potential, but you need to work on self-editing to find mistakes that interrupt the flow of a story.
Thank You
Thank you all for your criticism, I take it as a way to help improve my stories. I will take more better care of checking my spelling and word use before submitting my next story. I truly thank everyone who gives me their honest feedback. Stay in tune for the next chapter where Ariel takes over as babysitter and maybe more than a lover
Although
Although I did not enjoy your story, I want to say this to a fellow writer. If someone wants to criticize the way you write, or tries to interpret your writing, but does not have the balls to put his name in the box assigned, disregard it. Anyone can talk a good game, but if you cannot write, don't tell someone how to do it. It's hard enough sitting at a computer attempting to put words together to make a coherent story someone, beside yourself, will enjoy reading. Then to get someone by the name of ANONYMOUS tell you this or that is wrong with it, is truly disingenuous. Let these criticisms fall by the wayside, like water rolls off a duck's back. Continue writing, and if possible, get a good editor, these are the only ways you will improve your skills, and produce a better story.
Pretty good but there are a few mistakes.
Mini skirts are verboten in school. Regardless of age. No no and no! Then there is the part where he "rammed her ass" without preparation and without lube. She would be squealing, but not from pleasure, more likely crying in agony. I suspect stitches would be necessary.
Finally, she does ass to mouth without prepping her ass? Unless she has no taste buds or enjoys the taste of excrement, she would be gagging in the smell and taste. True story.
All on all, a pretty good romp but after you write your story, wait a few days then re-read it to see if it makes sense.
I look forward to the next chapter.
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