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English
I hate to be a grammar/spelling Nazi, but . . .
you really need to proof red better, or have someone else do it for you. The constant use of the wrong word breaks the flow of the story - kinda like hitting potholes while driving down an otherwise smooth street, For example, in the second paragraph, you wrote "and ladies where nice dressed." Since the first part of that sentence is about the club's dress code and that men wear suits, I'm guessing that you meant "ladies wear nice dresses".
Then there was "her" instead of hear (3rd paragraph).
In the 6th paragraph, "Then without a queue he broke off the kiss and moved on." I don't understand what a line of people waiting for something or a Chinese style single braid have to do with the situation being described. Perhaps you meant "cue", as in a signal to a performer to begin a specific speech or action?
There are many more such throughout this story. Too bad. They made reading this post much less enjoyable than it should have been. I thought it was an interesting concept, and I did like it in spite of all the little problems.
Please continue writing, and work with someone to get the bugs out before posting. I hope to see more and better from you.
I agree about the proofreading comments
Nevertheless I found this story very, very hot. Pushed a lot of my fantasy buttons.
I would like to read more...
Despite the errors it was a fun, interesting and sexy story.
Please keep writing.
Thank you.
sorry
Sorry for the errors. I had it in Word but I guess it didnt catch all the spelling and such. I appreciate the help. Also to comment #3 you misspelled "read" in the first line which made me laugh since it was all about being correct. ha =P
The spelling was BAD
and the use of wrong words (here instead of her) made it hard to read, but the premise of the story was great. You need a follow-up story with the women behind the mirror.
As good as the story was...
I agree with all the complaints about spelling and mis-used words.
Spell checker will never pick up "witch" when you meant "which" or "here" when you meant "her".
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