All Comments on 'Made to date'

I'm guessing you wrote it over (at least) a number of writing sessions, spaced over some time with rather long breaks in between. I'm guessing that because the story seems to have several "hiccups" where your direction and plot either stalls out, or shifts abruptly. The sort of things that would happen when you write a bit, take a long break, come back to write some more and can't quite recapture the frame of mind you were in previously, take another break, and so on. The sort of things where during those long breaks, if you should happen to think of something new you might want to change or incorporate, you just can't seem to catch all the small details that are affected by making those changes.

I'm not saying this is bad writing, but I will say it could have been better if it was a bit more cohesive. Sometimes the best thing a writer can do is let someone else read their work and point out what they caught with a fresh set of eyes.

your back and hot as ever...

The story is pretty hot. The plot is a solid one to work with, and you spin the tale well enough. In fact, your story is good enough that it deserves more, starting with a good proof-reader or editor.

Please, please review the different meanings of the words "there" and "their." Your story was crippled by this mistake, and some other easy-to-fix proofreading flaws.

Finally, the last section pushed this story from the gritty edge of the Lesbian Sex category into the murky category of Non-consent/Reluctance. Since neither woman is into the lesbian scene, even the enjoyment they learn to take from their actions is wrapped in reluctance. The fact they are each being blackmailed by Tracy, seals this story as a good entry for Non-consent/Reluctance.

Please keep writing.

I wished you had prioritize your first story, "With Strings Attached" over writing this one. Any news on when a chapter for that series is going to come up?

I really liked the story, but a proofreader would have really helped push it to one of the best. I hate to have to add in words or interpret what you mean to say because of misspellings.

Definitely keep writing.

It is great to have you back and I enjoyed the story. However, I hope we will also be seieng a new chapter in With Strings Attached, one of my favorite stories of all time.

Great story! Keep it going. Maybe Shannon is forced to get piercings, a tattoo and allow Jason to cum inside her unprotected.

Will Samantha share Shannon with another girs or the whole girls volleyball team?? Please next chapter. .

Tracy could ultimately humiliate both women by making them have unprotected sex with a black stud. Breeding sessions would ensure baby bumps in their bellies and they will move to the projects to be black baby breeders and welfare queens with no college future.

looking forward

too much jumping around though.

"But don't worry I promise to be genital."

Hilarious!

Are you going to go back and finish it?

Reading your work is always an experience looking forward to how this evolves.

The whole story was marred from the off by clumsy writing and some hilarious spelling errors. Writing doesn't come easily but if you are going to write, at least try to get the basics right.

I was very glad to see you writing again. The scenario is an interesting variation on "With Strings Attached". As in that wonderful series, you have a powerful gift for detailing the characters' drift into a world of submissive sexuality, and an artful eye for making the reader feel like she is watching these decadent scenes unfold.

I enjoyed the story, but I have to say that I was really hoping for more of With Strings Attached, which is one of my favorite stories right now.

Thanks for the stories.

Nice tale, an enjoyable read & seems set up for an another chapter.

With the slight twist at the end, there does seem to be the chance for the story to also be written from Shannon's view, rather than another chapter with Samantha.

Either way, kept me entertained!!!

Holy crap, the story itself was great, but your CONSTANT misuse of "there" (a place) when you meant "their" (belonging to them) and a host of other mistakes made for a jarring and uncomfortable read.

You have good ideas, but are in SERIOUS need of basic grammar and spelling assistance!

I am intrigued by the story idea and this could have been a five star story but the continuity issues deducted from the enjoyment. A good editor would help

As others have said (if you are still on here) you need the help of an editor. And reading through what you've written a few times so that you understand what you are talking about before submitting a story might help - what are 'chest hips' (first paragraph, line 4)?

The first page didn't make a lot of sense, to the point that I was confused and gave up reading. I even went back to try and work out the plot, but there were quite a few assumptions and suspensions of belief that I was not party to. Sorry.

But get yourself an editor.

I hope it continues. You are very gifted at making the reader feel like they are in the room watching your characters. I love your attention to detail. Also you make Shannon seem just delight date...

I do agree, some page breaks would help to separate the end of one scene. Like near the end when Shannon was hiding under Sam's skirt and her mother came home. A few more lines could have ended that scene and some sort of page break or header before the start of the next chapter would have helped the reader to follow easier.

But any criticism is minor. In the case of this story, if you ever continue it (and I hope you do) the motivation of Shannon's blackmailer could be clearer. Its a bit complex as to what she gains from forcing 2 girls to fall in love. That does not mean the story could not continue and be as interesting if that were left unclear - but the premise behind this story is harder for the reader to understand. When I found out that both Sam and Shannon were blackmailed - my first impression was why wouldn't Shannons blackmailer just pimp Shannon to her dads friends or to college lesbians and keep the money? At least that would have given the blackmailer some direct benefit.

Well, I do love your works and hope this as well as your amazing work "strings attached" are continued soon. Thanks!

Thank you for publishing this story. I found it very erotic and enjoyed it very much. I wonder if it might have been better placed as nonconsensual but if you had, I'd have been less likely to find it so I'm glad you didn't. I suspect that this is a story that I will remember for some time.

As far as the need for an editor, yes you need one but grammar, spelling etc are far less important than telling a good story. The problem is they distract from the reading and make the difference between a good story and a great one. If you want an automated spell/grammar check, I have had good experiences with grammarly.com

Finally remember that those who have been writing have felt that your work was worth taking there time to write suggestions on how you van improve your work and at the end of the day, that's what art is about, getting better and perfecting your craft.

If you keep writing, I'll keep reading.

You have a gift for writing in general and for writing lesbian erotica in particular. Please continue this story.

You have written a very good story and I have added it to my favorites. My only complaint is there are so many grammatical errors that they became a distraction. If you clean those up you will have 5-star material.

"Quite" (rhymes with "kite") is NOT "quiet" (rhymes with "diet")!

"There" is a place (like "here")

"Their" refers to a person (like an "heir")

"They're" is a contraction of "they are"...

🙄😝😖

Please please please continue this story

Theme ok but too many loose ends made for a confusing story at times

I'm afraid this writing is rubbish.

Liked the concept of this story with the two gorgeous girls getting together in a developing relationship. However, way too many gaps in the story line. From theater romance to two months later with Shannon improving on her licking pussy to the ending with a guy in place. You could still salvage this story with your readers by bringing Shannon and Samantha back together as college lovers with Samantha in definite control over the relationship. Both could be very excited about how life turned out for them. Expand it from here without any guys in the picture.

Write some more adventures for these two hotties.

This was a great story, with a very interesting plot. As it continues, please consider the relationship evolving into a more dominant submissive one. Drop Jason‘s intrusion into the story and focus solely on Samantha and Shannon. While at college, Samantha should give Shannon very strict rules to follow and discipline her for not obeying. For example, Shannon should not be allowed to talk with or communicate in any way with any boys. Of course, Shannon must be forbidden from masturbation; And her movements around campus strictly monitored. Samantha must interrogate her each evening to ensure her obedience. Also Samantha must physically discipline Shannon via spankings, hairbrush spankings, etc. (not only on her bottom, but also the backs of her thighs and the insides) on a regular basis. This is a wonderful start, please consider continuing the story. j.

Also, Samantha should seriously consider a clitoridectomy for Shannon. This would result in a more docile, malleable, compliant girlfriend; completely, completely under Samantha‘s control. It might be nice to see Shannon as a totally broken, subservient girlfriend. There are many capable female surgeons that could provide this service. j.

"Really fucking Hot"!! From Samantha literally taking and controlling her at the Bathroom, to the intimate dominating sex she made Shannon comply to. The Strap-on sex was superior and clearly demonstrated her control over Shannon. Now that they're into college, in addition to the existing restrictions placed on Shannon, Samantha should require her Shannon to "select" a beautiful Professor or student, or both, to continue their love-making and take it to the next level! "Well done", please continue with more chapters.

First, the head hopping was a little disconcerting. Make it clearer whose POV we are seeing. Otherwise, this story was super hot and deserves a second part! Follow this one, it has legs to be AWESOME!

A lot of spelling and much grammar is totally incorrect.

Fantastic concept and execution! Please continue the story! No need for more of the third wheel. A dominant sporty girl subtly changing to desire a soft girly girl with blackmail & unspoken lust is fantastic! Super hot & sexy.

Who the fuck suggests an inhumane surgery to show dominance over your gf?as a surgery technician I can not tell you ANY surgeon who will do that for non medical reasons.most normal people consider that to be a barbaric act if you think it's OK to have it forced by you then you're fucking crazy .

OKAY... interesting story line UNTIL you find out (I found out Shannon was being Blackmailed as well, from the comments-- DID NOT read that far) Blackmail is behind it. I LOATHE stories of the non-consentual genre.

Because the story line was a hot one, I Suffered through your bad grammer, bad spelling and generally awful vocabulary (you don't know the difference between "obvious" and "oblivious"..??),

...UNTIL YOU SKIPPED (??!??) THEIR FIRST SEXUAL EXPERIENCE TOGETHER.

What a Lazy, Amateurish cop-out. That's where I stopped.

Get some input from other writers, and get someone who can proofread!

Could NOT finish reading your story after getting to the part where you fast-forwarded PAST

1. The story is interesting and erotic.

2. The story at times was also confusing - had to read certain parts twice to understand.

3. How is Tracy so powerful in a high school setting? What does she get out of this?

4. The introduction of Jason ruined the potential for other chapters.

Your story started out pretty well with Samantha being blackmailed into having a lesbian relationship with Shannon. Shannon, also seemed to be blackmailed, went along with the ruse yet Samantha seemed to get used to having Shannon service her. My problem, was that it seems that Samantha was given a golden gift which is Shannon. So she should have used this opportunity to groom Shannon to be her girlfriend for now and for their future in college. Yet, she disrespects Shannon and brings some dude into the mess. Once this happened, you lost me and I thing that the story fails from here to the conclusion what every you decided to write. Not good and definitely non respective of Shannon.

Just had to ruin it by bringing a man involved

Story is OK!

The spelling is a little off (THERE should be replaced by THEIR)

THERE is a location

THEIR is a variation of THEY ARE and it is the correct way of addressing a form of the possessive case of plural they used as an attributive adjective, before a noun: