I do hope you continue this story as this was very erotic.
by
Anonymous01/23/14
Nice story, but...
If Kate is bff with his daughter, and she's a sophomore in college, there is no way in hell that he is 35. When I got to that little tidbit I stopped reading for a moment. You can't let details like that ruin the flow of the story.
by
Anonymous01/23/14
some people need to get a life
He could quite easily be 35 to their sophmore status as katie is best friends with his NEICE not his daughter
Ignore the comments ref age difference! I was 9 years old when my niece was born, so at 35 my niece would have been finished uni as she would have been 26.
The story was a little rushed at the end, but I do hope the "skiing" continues in the next chapter. I am looking forward to it.
by
Anonymous01/27/14
Great read, looking forward to what's to come next!
In reference to the age difference I was 3 when my first nephew was born and he was born 8 months ahead of my younger sister. The age gap in this is totally realistic. There's 20 years between my oldest and youngest sibling.
by
Anonymous01/30/14
Not original
You can always tell when the writer is from the South. They all use the same words and phrases and all have the same fantasies; apparently not one original thought to be had!
I can guess why you think I'm from the South. But I'm not. I'm from NYC. Thanks for your input anyway.
by
Anonymous02/21/14
I had a similar experience...
My youngest half sibling is 15 years older than me and her oldest daughter is only 4 years younger than I am. My niece lived with my parents and I since she was 5 and was always more like a sister to me than my own siblings. I was her go to person for anything and everything including telling her all about my sex life and my best friend who was our neighbor took her virginity while they both were in high school after his senior prom. I slept with 3 of her friends before i was 18 and have slept with more since then and i am dating one of her high school friends who just returned from college that I slept with when we were both young. I feel our relationship helped us both to become the people we are today and my being open with her from my bad and good experiences helped her to choose better men to be in her life. My niece lived with me until 2 years ago when she finally got married even moving out with me once she graduated high school. I do not regret or feel I did anything wrong by sleeping with her friends or her sleeping with mine. I never treated her friends with anything but respect and mine never treated her any different. My parents would of killed me if they knew what went on.
So for all the ones who say this isn't possible I am proof it is.
There are only so many stories, it's good work when you can take one that is done to death and still make it hot, that takes effort. Good job.
Critique: Balance. It's incredibly important in this type of story telling. You have to hit that delicate edge between believable and erotic fantasy, then balance on it perfectly. Knowing this was going to be a multi story piece a little more time to build a firmer "relationship" foundation and a little less of the erotic play (strange as that sounds) would have stood this story good. Let that slow build of sexual tension between the characters not drive them towards the next story but pull it back to them.
You did 2 pages, this could have easily been four or five and been enjoyable as the tension ratcheted tighter and tighter.
MST
by
Anonymous09/03/15
Food
Steak, MASHED POTATOES and a salad?
Bloody hell,, what awful combo.
What is with the American fascination with mashed potatoes?
I've lost count of how many times they are mentioned on this site!
MS Tarot is all good. He's a friend and we offer each other suggestion and council on our writing. It helps us improve. I like praise as much as the next person, but praise doesn't make us think about what we could do better.
English
Very, very good
I do hope you continue this story as this was very erotic.
Nice story, but...
If Kate is bff with his daughter, and she's a sophomore in college, there is no way in hell that he is 35. When I got to that little tidbit I stopped reading for a moment. You can't let details like that ruin the flow of the story.
some people need to get a life
He could quite easily be 35 to their sophmore status as katie is best friends with his NEICE not his daughter
As noted
It was his niece, not daughter.
I guess some people just skim through until they get to the good parts, huh?
Great Story
Ignore the comments ref age difference! I was 9 years old when my niece was born, so at 35 my niece would have been finished uni as she would have been 26.
The story was a little rushed at the end, but I do hope the "skiing" continues in the next chapter. I am looking forward to it.
Great read, looking forward to what's to come next!
In reference to the age difference I was 3 when my first nephew was born and he was born 8 months ahead of my younger sister. The age gap in this is totally realistic. There's 20 years between my oldest and youngest sibling.
Not original
You can always tell when the writer is from the South. They all use the same words and phrases and all have the same fantasies; apparently not one original thought to be had!
I reckon
I can guess why you think I'm from the South. But I'm not. I'm from NYC. Thanks for your input anyway.
I had a similar experience...
My youngest half sibling is 15 years older than me and her oldest daughter is only 4 years younger than I am. My niece lived with my parents and I since she was 5 and was always more like a sister to me than my own siblings. I was her go to person for anything and everything including telling her all about my sex life and my best friend who was our neighbor took her virginity while they both were in high school after his senior prom. I slept with 3 of her friends before i was 18 and have slept with more since then and i am dating one of her high school friends who just returned from college that I slept with when we were both young. I feel our relationship helped us both to become the people we are today and my being open with her from my bad and good experiences helped her to choose better men to be in her life. My niece lived with me until 2 years ago when she finally got married even moving out with me once she graduated high school. I do not regret or feel I did anything wrong by sleeping with her friends or her sleeping with mine. I never treated her friends with anything but respect and mine never treated her any different. My parents would of killed me if they knew what went on.
So for all the ones who say this isn't possible I am proof it is.
Good beginning
There are only so many stories, it's good work when you can take one that is done to death and still make it hot, that takes effort. Good job.
Critique: Balance. It's incredibly important in this type of story telling. You have to hit that delicate edge between believable and erotic fantasy, then balance on it perfectly. Knowing this was going to be a multi story piece a little more time to build a firmer "relationship" foundation and a little less of the erotic play (strange as that sounds) would have stood this story good. Let that slow build of sexual tension between the characters not drive them towards the next story but pull it back to them.
You did 2 pages, this could have easily been four or five and been enjoyable as the tension ratcheted tighter and tighter.
MST
Food
Steak, MASHED POTATOES and a salad?
Bloody hell,, what awful combo.
What is with the American fascination with mashed potatoes?
I've lost count of how many times they are mentioned on this site!
To MSTarot
Do other authors critique every one of your stories?
To rjw69877
MS Tarot is all good. He's a friend and we offer each other suggestion and council on our writing. It helps us improve. I like praise as much as the next person, but praise doesn't make us think about what we could do better.
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