All Comments on 'What Is Cheating?'

what to say. No comments. That way no feelings get hurt.

AMerryMan

some of your assumptions and premise are without basis or clarification

truthfully I think you just want to make yourself feel better

lying is cheating, avoidance of being truthful is a lie and in itself cheating, you missed that one

It's much simpler than this essay suggests.

'Cheating' means someone else is deceived.

If your spouse/partner thinks a particular thing is cheating (whether they know that you're doing it or not) it IS cheating.

So, if your partner thinks that even fantasizing about flirting with others is cheating-it is; and if your partner thinks that you having sex with other men, women, sheep etc. isn't cheating then it isn't (but if you're married you must have made some pretty weird wedding vows to each other).

Amoral. You seem to live by that code. There's no right or wrong, just what you want right now. Works for awhile, then you get very lonely.

I don't think an editor would help this mess. Was there a point? There certainly didn't seem to be a storyline. A "1" because I can't vote zero.

i liked it. it's cool to get a less violently strict " this is the only way" perspective. thanks. :)

I think some of these commenters are smoking stuff. This was actually pretty good.

This is a subject that's different for many couples, and it's something that really needs to be discussed. When not talked about, each person could have a different idea of what is cheating.

For example, let's say one person sees a friend (of the opposite gender) after a long absense. Before they share a polite hug and a kiss on the cheek, both people should know the rules. I know people that would count that as a breach of fidelity. A shoulder hug and air kiss is OK, but that touchy stuff is good for a big fight. On the other hand, I know people that would just be mildly annoyed by a lip kiss, a boob grope, and lude comments. And AFAIK, my circle of folks are fairly reserved.

How about this: any interactions you have with another person that your spouse would disapprove of is cheating. This includes real face to face interactions, on the phone, electronically, etc. Of course, this assumes that your spouse isn't some kind of nut that sees things that aren't there. "Why did you tell the cashier to have a nice day? WHO IS SHE???"

As for our thoughts, sorry. That isn't cheating, unless it interferes with your relationship. Rubbing one out thinking about that Hooters waitress isn't cheating, unless you obsess or neglect your spouse because of it. Cheating is acting on it for real with another person.

I bow before your insight and communication, and I am NOT being sarcastic.

Rarely if ever have I read a more eclectic, inclusive, insightful, or thought-provoking exploration of human sexuality in all its complexities.

You've given me pause, and food for much thought, and I thank you for it.

I especially liked the "But I try not to be an asshole." My buddy and I over many beers at a campfire decided that we could boil all of the world's major religions down to a simple mantra which anyone could understand: Don't Be A Dick. Poof! No more scripture, no more hierarchy, no more "interpretation" of arcane lore, just a simple phrase.

I also try not to be an asshole, in sex as in life at large. I don't always succeed, but I think trying is in itself worthy and beneficial. Would that all people followed that simple directive as best they could; the world would be a much better place, I think.

Kudos!

thought about this a lot towards the end of my marriage as I was entering into an emotional affair. My definition: Not sure. I think that something that is going to potentially end your relationship...To me talking/flirting with someone on line is not cheating...watching, swaping, not cheating. If you are Bi and your husband is OK with it doing girls is not cheating. Dry humping someone on the dance floor...fine. Flashing...fine. Sending and getting naked pics fine. What is not fine is lying...especially if they ask. Setting up sexual encounters with someone who you may leave your partner for is cheating. The problem is what if you are with someone who has a different definition?

yes thought provoking, very true ie to each his own. and I found it funny. : )

Even though incest is NOT my fetish, I get good reactions to incest stories, and I shall write more. I also plan to write a follow-up to this WHAT IS CHEATING! essay, called WHAT IS INCEST? I welcome your comments about incest, either here, or in feedback or PMs. Thanks!

As anonymous take as it comes, rules? Without some form of guidance (rules) there can be no established order. Your rules for following rules although undefined do prompt thought. If that was your desire then you were a success.

rules are for fools. fuck whatever is available. you'll be glad you did.

Fluid? You said it in your essay - it is giving your partner the respect and consideration s/he deserves. Sometimes it's easy, other times incredibly hard. But I do agree with Swilly about private thoughts, up to the point where thought/fantasy/illusion takes over the entire relationship.

Interesting and thought-provoking indeed. I enjoyed it very much.

For my husband and I, our rule is that cheating is lying, deceitful, secretive, and unfaithful. We're able to be open and honest with each other. Besides, I enjoy watching him screw Sonya while Terry is fucking me.

It's open, honest, no secrets, no jealousy. Just a fun time for all of us.

Great writing and thoughts. I'll have to go read more of your stuff.

For the members do not all have the same function, so we, through many, are one body in Christ. -Romans 12.4

IRL I have owned numerous businesses. Any relationship between individuals, real or fictional, is one of mutual agreement. And tacit acceptance is a form of agreement. Society handles serious relationships by requiring agreements to be in writing and adhering to certain norms, eg. a Marriage CONTRACT.

Did Jacob cheat on Rachel with Leah?

IMHO cheating is violating the INDIVIDUAL agreement between the involved parties.

This morning I sat in church with six of the best people I have ever known. My wife Jamie, George and his wife Kristin, Punch and his wife Lillian and her sister Eva. Before services we had breakfast, and sex. I was not cheating on Jamie when George and Punch were double teaming me. its the norm within our own small universe.

My baby brother, has a strictly monogamous, two person, man woman* relationship with his wife. He IS cheating on her if he thinks about what it would be like to touch another woman. (That is their, really kinky, norm.)

* BTW if you read scripture past Genesis 2.24, there are EIGHT (maybe nine) types of holy matrimony regulated by and therefore authorized in the Bible. Only one (or two) is one man one woman (that division being the woman's consent).

Lisa Ann

There is something to be said for the 'get all you can while you can' philosophy. Just be open and expect same. There does come a point in life where it is just not worth it anymore it seems.

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟👍 Interesting. Food for thought.

It's always easiest to teach if you get the target audience laughing. 🤓

Very well spoken. In regards to the Loving Wives section of this board, we see all variations of the above, and the related opinions and responses.

We mock and denigrate those who do not believe as we do. The BTBers mock those who don't want total destruction, and I/we take delight in mocking their vision of what a man is and should be.

It is life and we all fit somewhere in that spectrum. I myself have in a number of different spots in that spectrum.