What Is Cheating?

I don't know...

what to say. No comments. That way no feelings get hurt.

AMerryMan

rambling self justification it seems

some of your assumptions and premise are without basis or clarification

truthfully I think you just want to make yourself feel better

lying is cheating, avoidance of being truthful is a lie and in itself cheating, you missed that one

Cheating is Betraying Another's Trust

It's much simpler than this essay suggests.

'Cheating' means someone else is deceived.
If your spouse/partner thinks a particular thing is cheating (whether they know that you're doing it or not) it IS cheating.

So, if your partner thinks that even fantasizing about flirting with others is cheating-it is; and if your partner thinks that you having sex with other men, women, sheep etc. isn't cheating then it isn't (but if you're married you must have made some pretty weird wedding vows to each other).

There's a Word For It

Amoral. You seem to live by that code. There's no right or wrong, just what you want right now. Works for awhile, then you get very lonely.

Rumblin', stumblin', bumblin' BARF!

I don't think an editor would help this mess. Was there a point? There certainly didn't seem to be a storyline. A "1" because I can't vote zero.

i liked it. it's cool to get a less violently strict " this is the only way" perspective. thanks. :)

I think some of these commenters are smoking stuff. This was actually pretty good.

This is a subject that's different for many couples, and it's something that really needs to be discussed. When not talked about, each person could have a different idea of what is cheating.

For example, let's say one person sees a friend (of the opposite gender) after a long absense. Before they share a polite hug and a kiss on the cheek, both people should know the rules. I know people that would count that as a breach of fidelity. A shoulder hug and air kiss is OK, but that touchy stuff is good for a big fight. On the other hand, I know people that would just be mildly annoyed by a lip kiss, a boob grope, and lude comments. And AFAIK, my circle of folks are fairly reserved.

Black, white, or gray?

How about this: any interactions you have with another person that your spouse would disapprove of is cheating. This includes real face to face interactions, on the phone, electronically, etc. Of course, this assumes that your spouse isn't some kind of nut that sees things that aren't there. "Why did you tell the cashier to have a nice day? WHO IS SHE???"

As for our thoughts, sorry. That isn't cheating, unless it interferes with your relationship. Rubbing one out thinking about that Hooters waitress isn't cheating, unless you obsess or neglect your spouse because of it. Cheating is acting on it for real with another person.

A pithy and thought-provoking exploration

I bow before your insight and communication, and I am NOT being sarcastic.
Rarely if ever have I read a more eclectic, inclusive, insightful, or thought-provoking exploration of human sexuality in all its complexities.
You've given me pause, and food for much thought, and I thank you for it.

I especially liked the "But I try not to be an asshole." My buddy and I over many beers at a campfire decided that we could boil all of the world's major religions down to a simple mantra which anyone could understand: Don't Be A Dick. Poof! No more scripture, no more hierarchy, no more "interpretation" of arcane lore, just a simple phrase.

I also try not to be an asshole, in sex as in life at large. I don't always succeed, but I think trying is in itself worthy and beneficial. Would that all people followed that simple directive as best they could; the world would be a much better place, I think.

Kudos!

yup

thought about this a lot towards the end of my marriage as I was entering into an emotional affair. My definition: Not sure. I think that something that is going to potentially end your relationship...To me talking/flirting with someone on line is not cheating...watching, swaping, not cheating. If you are Bi and your husband is OK with it doing girls is not cheating. Dry humping someone on the dance floor...fine. Flashing...fine. Sending and getting naked pics fine. What is not fine is lying...especially if they ask. Setting up sexual encounters with someone who you may leave your partner for is cheating. The problem is what if you are with someone who has a different definition?

very good

yes thought provoking, very true ie to each his own. and I found it funny. : )

update

Even though incest is NOT my fetish, I get good reactions to incest stories, and I shall write more. I also plan to write a follow-up to this WHAT IS CHEATING! essay, called WHAT IS INCEST? I welcome your comments about incest, either here, or in feedback or PMs. Thanks!

Rules?

As anonymous take as it comes, rules? Without some form of guidance (rules) there can be no established order. Your rules for following rules although undefined do prompt thought. If that was your desire then you were a success.

rules? we don't need no stinking rules!

rules are for fools. fuck whatever is available. you'll be glad you did.

A negotiation?

Fluid? You said it in your essay - it is giving your partner the respect and consideration s/he deserves. Sometimes it's easy, other times incredibly hard. But I do agree with Swilly about private thoughts, up to the point where thought/fantasy/illusion takes over the entire relationship.
Interesting and thought-provoking indeed. I enjoyed it very much.