All Comments on 'The Girl Next Door Ch. 01'

...Very original, your characters seem well thought through, my critical thoughts are these... Because these are your major characters, more background is needed for motivation (why are his college girls 'missing' something, your reader can fill in the blanks, but when you think about Michael's viewpoint, we need to understand his thinking better). Thanks for sharing, always great to see new stories, and can't wait to see what's next for the teasing shemales trying to nail the the boy next door. Fun!

Good start to the suduction. Waiting for a hot follow-up.

Great start. Looking forward to more...

great start to the story ,cant wait to read more.

Mesmerized and seduced can't wait for the real seduction after the setup. Well written and steadily paced. More background is good but you do well with the action being quickly paced. Nice descriptions and plenty of thought cums through. Don't stop or keep me waiting too long, plz.

Why do all hot girls end up having cocks? And why do guys always realize they are gay too late? And why do the guys always end up with a cock in their throat and one up their pooper? Oh life's great mysteries

great start.....will wait for more of this........a suggestion....make them filthy mouthed when they horny and topping the guy....just my .02

That would be hot. But this story is hot too.

I am looking forward to Michael's submission

you've got talent and a good plot going. One thing I noticed is that you sometimes get a little repetitive. Do a search for the word "cock" in your document and you'll see what I mean. Keep it in mind and bring out the synonym dictionary and you'll be fine.

This is a great start, I can't wait for more.

Very good story. Very engaging, can't believe he didn't give in.

What is wrong with me? Am I gay? fuck man

Almost describes me a bit perfectly. Telling myself I am not gay, which I'm not, but yet the very idea of a woman with a cock excites me to no end & your story managed to capture that feeling perfectly. Thank you & I anxiously await Chapter 2, 3, 4 & on & on & on ........... :)

Great stuff , looking forward to part 2 and i hope lots of future stories.

Mmm, I really loved this one! I can't wait for the next chapter where he gets taken by both of them at the same time!

Many guys would like to be in this situation. It can be the best of both worlds.

perfect! please! continue this!

This is very hot MMMMMMMMMMMM keep writting

very good and very hot love to see more and soon i hope

Very good first try. I'm looking forward to the next installment.

nicely written-well done sex scenes-as an admirer, I like reading about first-timers discovering the beauty of t-girls-thanks,. Jim

Pretty good start. I would like to see more.

You like bringing us readers to the edge and then denial, kind of like Patterson books. Do us readers a favor and make the next segment a little longer. If or when you get 10 -20 together written look for a way to get published . You are so much better than majority of the writers on Kindle. I Hope for the best of luck to your future ventures. Tata

OMG, I"m so horny and worked up after that. This was fantastic. I hope you fulfill the glistening throbbing promise that this obvious *fragment* of prose gave our imaginations. *hits favorite*

It has its moments, and a good read. Better than I could write, 1st or 20th time. You must have been too horny while writing since you (or your characters) were overly anxious to get it on. If the gals were that experienced, one might think they knew better than break the news to him like he was the last guy on earth. Seems there could have been more setup, more playful discussion teasing him with 'other options, what-if's and "have you ever thought about" moments. The build up might have given him more to think about, positively, even if he did turn down their first advances. And maybe the longer talks explains why I haven't been as successful as some of my 'salesman' friends who know when to close a deal. Please show us how it's done, with a little more finesse, in many more episodes.

looking forward to chapter 2....... hurry :D

Please, please get a move on with the second instalment. I can't wait until either one or both of these sexy bitches have their evil way with Michael. Would love to find myself in his position. No way would I have left.

Wow!! Michael is in for a good time in the next chapter with two girls wanting to suck him and fuck his ass.

Congratulations!!!!!!!!

Excellent story!!!

god I so love your story and cant wait for ch 2.my cock has never been harder.

I have read many stories like this but this one is extremely good for your first time writing. So good job I loved it.

This was a good first attempt at writing a story to be posted here. I would say that you need an editor or someone to proof read the story before you submit it. I noticed a few errors. One was using the word NO instead of KNOW. Did you type the story or did you use a voice speaking to type program to do the story? Since Michael knows that Jenny is a TS, he should also start to think that Alexis may be one too instead of a genetic girl. I look forward to reading the next chapters.

RJ

nice story. made me want to be there.

However, the use of a FREE editor can do wonders.

Please, don't change back and forth between past and present tense.

One of the best shemale stories I've read!!!! It would have been nice if one of them would have been a genetic girl but the setup with Jenny stroking her cock while Michael and Alexis made out was perfect. The story was so hot, I shot off three times! Would love to meet girls like them. Can't wait to read Chapter 2!!! Please write more hot TG stories.

Please make more!!!!!!!

One word, grammar. Other than that great

for your first story this works well. the plot outline holds together better then many others here. I do agree you need to work over the grammer, but its minor. I am looking forward to more and since you have given a time line, summer. you should be able to get some very nice stories in this saga

This was a great story, particularly considering the fact that it was your first. I think maybe a little more build-up and dialogue before the "big reveal" would have helped some, maybe some more of the truth or dare game, but this is still one of the better stories I have read on this site and I'm looking forward to reading more.

What makes your narrative appealing? The mistery, the misdirection, the fact that it has threesomes and bathtubs, the way everybody has misconceptions about everybody else... I like how you blend transsexuals into classic themes. For me, it works. Perhaps people like straightforward fucking stories, but i like a little passion, suffering, dissapointment and promise of more now and then. It keeps things real.

Thank you for this story.

wish the girls had walked in on him jacking off to sucking their cock!

I finally sat down to read this and the second chapter and it blew me away. It is a wonderful and arousing story. Well-written, it moves right along and results in that certain reaction in my pants that I seek when I read here on Literotica. Thank you for a good read!

I had around 15 cocks in my mouth so far but after reading this want to have she male to fuck my mouth and probably ass too

A straight guys little fantasy

I would have been kissing and sucking on that big cock and hoping to get the other one up the ass! great story

Made me jealous, Michael should have gone for it. He's lucky to possibly get a second chance

AWESOME start to this story!!!!!

Massive potential. Three hot relationship stories. Four if you bring the lonely, divorced mother into the drama. Exponentially a potential novel looking for a place to happen.

Part 3, Please. I love to see him realize how much he wants suck Jenny `s Cock.

Your writing is wonderful. The images in my head from your writing is making me cum so hard. Where do I find such beautiful people.

Funny how when guys get a girl so drunk she can barely speak and try to have sex with her it's rape (or at least attempted rape) but when girls do it to a guy it's all fine... this could have been a good story without the alcohol.

I need a neighbour like that.

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Interestingly written, presented as a boy unexpectedly staring at a "girl" and when it turns out that she is someone else ... he runs away. Does every situation have to involve alcohol or drugs? Can friendship, love not come by itself? I understand that for the plot, the script of the story has to be used and it develops under its influence. I know that even in natural life alcohol, drugs or some other stimulants are often the beginning of such stories. I really like the character of Alexis and Michael, I would even like to be one of them. I will read the next parts with great interest and how will the relationship between Alexis and Michael develop and what will it lead to? SissyBoy from Warsaw, Poland.

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Interesująco napisane, przedstawione jak to chłopak niespodziewanie zapatruje się w "dziewczynę" a gdy wychodzi że jest kimś innym ... ucieka. Czy każda taka sytuacja musi zawierać w sobie alkohol czy narkotyki? Czy przyjaźń, miłość nie może przyjść sama? Rozumiem że dla fabuły, scenariusza tej historii musi być użyta i rozwija się to pod jego wpływem. Wiem że nawet w naturalnym życiu często alkohol, narkotyki czy jakieś inne używki są zaczątkiem takich historii. Bardzo podoba Mi się postać Alexis oraz Michaela, nawet chciałabym być jedną z nich. Z wielkim zainteresowaniem przeczytam następne części i jak rozwinie się znajomość pomiędzy Alexis a Michaelem do czego doprowadzi to? SissyBoy z Warszawy, Polska. 📝🧑🏻❤️👩🏻👱🏻‍♀️