All Comments on 'The Kikimora'

Brilliant. I enjoyed this story immensely. Thank you for sharing it.

PS Where can I get one a Kikimora?

<3

You have blown me away with this tale. I have no words. It was, just let me say, it was the best story I have read in a long time. No words can give this story enough praise. 5 stars, 500 if I could give that many.

I don't read many stories like this, but this has really blown me away. It had everything in it.

A master at writing and now I look forward to reading your other story's.

Thank you.

Your characters drew me in and I, while being old, related to your protagonist. He was quite believable. I don't know much about Kikimora, (kikimumu?) but I was disconcerted with her mannerisms. You alluded to that fact, but I was feeling like she was an android. It reminds me of the movie Cherry 2000. Marian's words sound just like Cherry's. No thoughts of her own. "Must Please Master." I don't know how long I would want to be in that world. I think I would get bored pretty quick once I think about the realities, forgoing reality. And that is what that movie is about...

Great story though and I am glad I read it. Gave it a five! Thanks for posting. Write more!

Ok when is the next chapter comming out. This was a great fucking story 5 stars. Please add more.

From the very beginning the story captivated me. I was not aware what a kikimora was so I had to look it up. In the folklore they are not as pleasant as you portray. But then again the is a story and you have control. It was a nice spin on that theme. If they truely exist then they will forever be in your favor.

THIS IS GONNA BE PAINFULL WITHOUT A SECOND CHAPTER THIS ONE FEELS KINDA CLOSE TO HOME IDKY BUT IT DOSE YOU CAPTURED MY COMLLETE ATTENTIONS....

Wonderful story. Best i've read!

Thanks for sharing it!

...as an opening chapter in a book length story of the 'Adventures of Dean and his Kikimora'. I don't know what you have planned for future works but to not to continue this story would be a great injustice. 5 Stars and four "atta-boys".

Fuddpucker

To those who commented and wondering, there will be no future chapters for this story. It is entirely standalone. However, I may be tempted to do a sort of epilogue that details the future between Dean and Marian.

Other than that, thanks for reading and voting, hope you all enjoyed the story.

Well I hope you do the epilog and thanks for at least responding to our hopes for more.

A really amazing piece of work Task. Hope to see more of it eventually.

I think that a sequel would be a bad move. It could only turn into one of two things: an endless series of battles against an endless series of enemies; or an episode of the old TV show "Bewitched".

I very much enjoyed this story. If you feel inclined I would love to hear more stories of the adventures of Dean and Marion. I also appreciate the story being complete. Thank You.

beautiful I loved it.....

VERY enjoyable read. I look forward to seeing more from you!

Incredibly sexy, romantic, devious, compelling, and downright adorable! The description and fluid battle scenes with interesting powers was a pleasant surprise. I'm not one to enjoy a story with magic, in lue of cliche dungeons and dragons type stories. But this one is perfect! Loved every part of it and could not stop reading until it was finished!

Squeeeeee the ending! So cute! Absolutely loved it!

Though was a little hard to read at times. An editor or two would help with that. And I just couldn't like the main character. Can't even get her species right. What a tool.

I was transfixed on the whole story! I wish it was me that Kikimora or Marion chose to be with for all eternity.

Okay, that's a lie, this story made me cry. It was beautiful, astounding, miraculous. I could only dream and wish to find someone even half as wonderful and dedicated and loving as Marian. You didn't write a story, you didn't merely craft a tale, you gave life to what everyone everywhere sincerely wishes that they could one day have. Thank you. Thank you for reminding us the importance of our hearts.

i wonder how u came up with d name (

kikimora)

and from d littel knowledge i have about kikimora,s they should look like a scarecrow anyway d story was awesome but try usin creature,s dat are less ugly in reality

This is the second time I have read this story and it is just as good as the first!

Please write more excellent stories. By the way I lived your description of the Kikimora!

Holy Shit bro, That was AWESOME I was hooked from the beginning and the fight scenes were amazingly detailed. By far the best story on here i have ever read!! KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!!!

i really liked this only thing that would complete my love of this story if i knew they will be able to have children

The plot and structure of this were really excellent. The pacing was spot on and you balance exposition to story progression and conflict to resolution brilliantly. Where most writers have the most trouble, you story up in this bitch like a Renaissance master.

That said, I am utterly baffled by the characters' speech and interplay. I haven't seen such stilted, inhuman lines outside of incompetently translated Hentai that was badly written to begin with. The introduction scene of the Boneyard comes to mind. There were also a couple of jarring shifts between first, third, and second-omniscient POVs here and there.

I believe I'm actually being a bit more critical than appropriate for an amateur fapfic. In retrospect, the meat and bones of this story are so damn solid, the wee peccadilloes protrude all the worse. "The Kikimora" is still amongst my absolute favorite pieces on Literotica, so... damn, son.

Here's me hoping your muse bites you some time to write a continuation; maybe explore the growth of both protagonists and their relationships between each other and the rest of the world.

Salut!

That story needs to either be an anime or a fucking novel. Actually I'd be ok with both, a series of novels and anime. Jesus. I came for cheap porn, spent damn near 2 hours reading a novel quality story instead. Yeah. You made me happy as ill fucking get out. 10/10 would fuckin read again! I mean really. This is straight up anime in book form. You've got a fucking gold mine here.

❤

Until you let the cat out of the bag. Dean is a fucking moron! When you had him order Marina to let Max go; you ruined the story. It is beyond repair. You even damaged my opinion of Marina, as there must be something wrong with her to fall for someone so stupid. Making a character act stupid seems to be a common plot devise on this site, and not once have I ever liked it. It was particularly galling here because it was completely unnecessary to your plot. Marina could have killed Max, Dean wouldn't reveal himself as a pitiful stupid wimp; and the rest of the Boneyard would still have come after them. Thanks a lot. You managed to snatch defeat from victory. 3 stars.

Please please please find a way to make a add-on or something using Marina and Dean. Loved it.

this is one of the best stories i have ever read. action romance all included! love it!!

Infinity/5. I can't stop reading whenever I'm free.

Romance, action, love, hot fucking ... who can balance all that but you?

I have a strong maid fetish too, so that was the icing on this cake of a story. Please write about more monster girls!

This story is absolutely amazing. I hope there's a sequel at some point, because this is just too good.

Definitely one of my favorite stories here. Very nicely done.

You made me read it for 2 hours straight even though I'm not a fan of furries or maids

You're Amazing!

I have read this before, browsing around randomly and I'm glad to have stumbled upon it again. The style is smooth and definitely worth the read even at 3 in the morning.

This was fuckin amazing! Make more stuff like this please!

Its required suspension of disbelief doesn't run out before the story ends. And the battle scenes are funny because the Kikimora uses sewing needles. Once in her hands, I picture them as magically two and a half feet long with an eye you could put 4 fingers in, and glint brilliantly, like silver that's been polished to be smooth at the atomic level. Was that in the story? The erotica was enjoyable to read; many stories don't do it right, but I haven't figured the formula yet...I think it's slightly deeper than the complete submission. I hope you're doing well and aren't dead.

My primary issue with this story is the characterization of Dean. People he doesn’t know come to kill him but he is more concerned by the actions of his defender. Was it necessary to write Dean as such a dullard? That, and Dean’s ability to mortally injure a character with the ability to disintegrate objects with just a thought. Payne defended himself from flying knives and the Kikimora but not a flying drop kick from a one armed man? That said, the Kikimora character is one I would like to see more of, perhaps in the hands of a different writer.

It was truly hard to suffer through these 11 pages. Some parts were good while others were horribly written. I really liked the premise but the execution was simply poor.

The characterization of Dean is probably the result of naivete and the brainwashing of the world. Not to mention that witnessing the unbounded sadistic nature of Marian in carrying out her duties might induce an equal but opposite temporary reaction in an observer that isn't Taliban head-soccer Richard from that one story.

Such harmfully dogmatic ideas were modified to acceptable compromise once he realized that the world wasn't quite the utopia the things he were taught were meant for. "Kill all necessary, and do it quickly" is fairly pragmatic versus the initial "cause no harm."

And...the characterization allowed for two of (the same) lines from Marian that are probably the best in many stories. People have guilt and insecurities from being the only survivor in an accident others died in; it's not so unreasonable for that to be a transient feeling adjusting to a being pledging her will to you...a being that is godlike in power, and partly in nature.

So, while Dean might bring painful memories of youth, he seems capable of growing up. Granted, using such a character might be too painful for some, it doesn't seem so unrealistic. Plus, it serves the plot well on a few occasions, like experiencing life with Marian gone from sight without unduly tarnishing characters, or those lines I mentioned. If you've never said anything in passion you regret later, I am genuinely glad for your composition to avoid such mistakes.

But I agree when it comes to the use of euphemisms, they are unacceptably corny. And maybe some other things I forgot. And the story isn't perfect. And something didn't feel quite right about the emphasis on loving him for what he did for her in the past. I guess her memory won't fade away. But it seems like an eternal payment for "bringing the light" and I don't think the reader grasps the gravity of it as told...maybe we are supposed to infer backwards of how terrible it must have been because what she does now. But these stories aren't like heavy psychological material most days, except if hung over.

And here's what I meant about that line.

"Master, it is unbecoming for a man like you to not take praise that is given. You are far greater than you realize. You can bring light to darkness with the way you act, as you did with me. While there may be those with qualities similar to yours, you are the only one I believe in and love."

Yeah, hotter than 300 stacklecones.

Like... please? A sequel?

Why'd you make Dean such a fucking dweeb? "stackle bears," "holy crack pots," etc. Nobody talks like this, it's more jarring than fantasy or porn elements. Some other dialogue was bad too , like something from an "incompetently translated Hentai" as bdsmfag put it. Great telling, awful talking indeed.

[15.01.24]

Top Shelf!

11/10!!!!!

Some people liked the story ... some didn't ... some half liked it. A story starts with a single thought and grows and is meant to be enjoyed from the writer to the reader. Not picked apart ... just enjoyed as a gift from the writer. Thank you.