Ryan Teaches Us a Lesson.

Horrible Writing

Poor flow, skips around, really bad writing...

what the fucking hell was this?erase and start over

Don't try again!

Total fucking rubbish by A Wanker

Total fucking rubbish by A Wanker

Do your parents know you are looking at adult websites?

Reading this I question if English is your first language. Couldn't finish story it was so bad. Don't bother with more. Please don't.

A bit harsh people

I don't completely agree with other comments. Yes, it skipped around a bit and your writing could do with a bit of work but it's not terrible.

Oh my God...

This is such crap, go away, you're not old enough to piss straight, let alone write about sex, come back when your testicles have descended, and you've spent enough time is school to learn how to spell, write, and actually tell a simple narrative like this should have been. No fucking stars, you don't deserve any.......

Good effort

Keep at it, it will get better

I thought it was okay but you really do need to work a little harder

Shit...

This shit is horrible... No type of background or build up ... No sequence or order of events what so ever... Just STOP!

i loved it

I really liked it i like that it was so rough

WTF

Man you had them go from a hotel lobby to fucking in an alley, with no explanation of how they got there. This is not the only mistake. You have talent, I suggest you get an editor so that your talent can transfer to the page.

What??

Not hot at all. So stupid!

Couldn't read it.

I couldn't finish reading it.. Very hard to follow.

I think it was good. it jumped straight into the sex and for that moment I was lost, but in the end I found it easy to follow. Nice :)