Mom's BFF

Good story line

Good story line, but you really need to have someone edit for you.

I agree

Seriously, the spelling and grammar are so distracting that I couldn't even finish reading the story - get it edited and resubmit and see what kind of reviews you get then.

so.....

So I tried to read this! So there are so many so! Also so many !s So the people were THAT excited about everything? So find yourself an editor or so graduate high school

So I stopped reading after the first paragraph and when I saw that you seem to be in love with the word so but not with punctuation.

You write like a person who doesn't speak English very well ...not speaking English very well. The First Issue, with that, is that when writing English as it's spoken, which is to say "casually", and with rules of grammar and punctuation "relaxed", it's a difficult thing to pull off without looking like you simply aren't capable of writing coherently. The Second Issue? I don't think you were trying for that gimmick. I think you simply aren't capable of writing coherently.

The one, most important, thing I'd like you to take away from the criticisms you're generating with this story? If people keep pointing out the same problems, whether or not you care to admit they ARE problems, then you DO have problems. Ignoring problems doesn't make them go away. Deleting the negative comments doesn't make them any less true. Figure out what you're doing wrong, and stop doing that wrong. It's not that difficult.

What are you looking for?

If it's literary excellence go to the nearest public library.
If it's good hot porn then encorage this writer to give us more of it.
I give him a 5 for pornographic acheivment.

Seek Help

I usually don’t leave comments but this needs it. Open a book to see how writing is actually done. The exclamation marks are overly abundant an excessive. You ramble, have no sentence structure to speak of, need commas, and the spelling errors are numerous. I couldn’t get halfway through this as you jump around far too quickly.

Must Be A Second Language Writer**

Get an editor!!!!! Good luck on future stories

Good one

Your ideas are good. Your writing style might need a bit of work but don't let these guys discourage u from writing. Love to hear more.

You need to get an editor. This reads like a dick and Jane story.