Getting Closer to Sister

Someone needs to break the news to you:

You do not write well. Your sentences are confusing, with poor or non-existent punctuation that only makes them more confusing. Your dialog is vapid, dull and so unrealistic that it's actually a distraction. Your idea for the story was unoriginal and tedious, and you didn't seem to put any effort into developing it into something that might have had a chance of holding the reader's attention.

* * *

I've read worse. Keep trying, you'll get there!

.

Apparently you don't listen, Fukai_Ai.

Many people have commented on your other stories. The theme is almost unanimous. Either get an editor or fucking stop writing.

I liked it but...

I thought this was pretty good. I liked the romance, but the story left me hanging.

Are they ever going to "close the deal" so to speak? Or is this as far as you intend to take their relationship?

I really do not ...

... understand the mental abilities of people who "favorited" this story!!
Their own abilities must be extremely poor.
Basically YOU ARE NOT A WRITER!!
If you must persist in trying then you desperately need the help of an Editor.

Progression way too fast

A paragraph explaining a character isn't going to cut it. It feels like I just skipped five chapters of this story! Writing needs to be improved. I'm getting tired of the quickies in these types of fucking stories being published!

I can be ur editor

If you need an editor just email me and we'll talk DeadJoshua@gmail.com

Whners.

Fukai....
Cheap advice...IGNORE the wannabe critics!
Enjoyed the story & hope you continue with it.

To all you wannabe critics aka whiners...PISS OFF!
Go fap in your mommy's bed with your latest copy of ARCHIE!!!
DeadJoshua...what an effing joke you are!!

so real

it was like seeing a living story . you may think that im a sick fuck but ,these kind of stories are like doing drugs to me , and this story addictive. there is nothing wrong with loving someone else even if they are brother and sister . I don't think god meant for us to go through life alone , and sad . if god didn't think it was right HE would tell you or show his disproval one way or another . so get over it SOCIETY

good start

but you never finish a story,went to read others you have posted, there the same, all lead up then no next chapter, no continuation and/or ending

please finish what you started and ASAP

Really liked it. Please continue it.