This should be in Non-consent or BDSM. There is no emotion in the story and it certainly isn't lesbian erotica..
The comment about grammar and editing was pretty mild. You have no articles and frequently omit verbs. I am actually surprised lit accepted it first time.
Both of the earlier comments did not mention anything about story line or content. I am sorry if the author does not meet up to your grammar standards. How about some comments about the story's content. I found it very amusing, if not slightly erotic. But, hey, that's just me.
Couldn't get into this story, probably because I couldn't get past the horrible writing and lack of editing.
I can dwell on the on the preponderance of misspelled words, incorrect words, incorrect grammar, incorrect punctuation, lack of punctuation, and so on. But I'll just stop at the horrible writing. The concept was lame, and poorly executed. It wasn't interesting at all. In fact, it reads like the fevered imagination of a 14 year old with a tenuous (at best) grasp of the English language.
English
Editing
Please have a native English speaker edit your story.
I hope English isn't your first language, because it definitely doesn't read like it is.
The flaws are all relatively minor, but the frequency makes the story difficult to read.
Not lesbian
This should be in Non-consent or BDSM. There is no emotion in the story and it certainly isn't lesbian erotica..
The comment about grammar and editing was pretty mild. You have no articles and frequently omit verbs. I am actually surprised lit accepted it first time.
Get an editor from the volunteer editors' forum.
Editing?
Both of the earlier comments did not mention anything about story line or content. I am sorry if the author does not meet up to your grammar standards. How about some comments about the story's content. I found it very amusing, if not slightly erotic. But, hey, that's just me.
Couldn't get into this story, probably because I couldn't get past the horrible writing and lack of editing.
I can dwell on the on the preponderance of misspelled words, incorrect words, incorrect grammar, incorrect punctuation, lack of punctuation, and so on. But I'll just stop at the horrible writing. The concept was lame, and poorly executed. It wasn't interesting at all. In fact, it reads like the fevered imagination of a 14 year old with a tenuous (at best) grasp of the English language.
I'll sum this up in two words: Please stop.
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