by BlushingBabe99
No tension. The character's reaction to increasing interest in sex was too much, too fast. Seductions can be fun reading - but this needed less exaggeration in the description of the sex and more of an explanation of the seduction - if you want to call it that - process.
A bit too rushed.
She was 17? was she legal in that state?
I agree with the other comments about the pacing of this story. Building up the tension over a few days of interaction between the characters makes the story more realistic and increases the enjoyment for the reader.
About the age--I realize 17 is legal in many states, but I thought Literotica had strict rules about characters being at least 18.
Who is this guy??
What made him so special and so desirable?
Who is your main character?
I don't even know who these people are, which makes me wonder why I should even care about whether they hook up or not.
That is not a good start.
No female who has ever lost her virginity likes being slammed into for their first time.
This story rarely has any dialogue. If we can't read what these characters are communicating, then how will we know who they are??
When did they exchange phone numbers?
This entire story is confusing to me.
Develop more. I won't mind revisiting this story if you'd add more detail to it. I'd say try writing this one again.