Mark and Renee

You like this story bro? No I don't bro. Too many bro's bro. Bro bro bro bro bro

I know it's fiction, but...

pregnant sister and her brother? love the concept! but sudden intimacy after years of not seeing each other? bit of a stretch if you ask me. not saying this scenario couldn't play out, but why have they not seen each other if they live so close? something caused the distance... emotional? did they fight? as for structure, keep the speakers separated into their own paragraphs... makes it less confusing for the reader.

Memories.

I remember, although it was many years ago, the radiant beauty of a young pregnant woman. The soft, radiant skin, and the slightly rounded shape of the beautiful breasts make you short of breath as you inhale the soft aroma of an aroused woman. Your first short thrusts, being careful not to hurt the baby with the end of your cock, until you realize that there is no obstacle to worry about. As your worries diminish, you are totally immersed in the lovely feel of a hot wet pussy wrapped around your hard, thrusting cock. As your mutual orgasm subsides you realize that was the best fuck of your life. Well done and "thanks for the memories."

* * * *

When she has a baby girl, Bro can fuck her too!

Ich gratuliere Dir!

So wie es aussieht, ist das Deine Erstlingsgeschichte, veröffentlicht am Valentinstag. Es ging zwar alles ein bischen schnell, aber Deine Story hat mir sehr gut gefallen. Ich hoffe auf einne Fortsetzung.

Translation:

Congratulations!

This seems to be your debut story and published on Valentine's Day. The scene developes a little bit fast, but I liked it very much. I hope, there will be a sequel.

Waste

What a total Piece of Shit, please don't write another story.

Thanks Rev. Mikki. I am so glad you filled up everyone's comment section with your crap

Did she forget his name?

Is his name too hard to use that she has to constantly call him 'bro'? The use of the term 'bro' became tedious and distracting. Couldn't she find a couple of terms of endearment for Mark if she found it too much to call him by name?

DougNTexas

So his sister lives right across town but he has not seen her in several years. You need to think a little longer before you put the words on paper. Across the country yes, across town give me a break.

Waste

Such a stupid story that left my dick hard

Terrible story,

Terrible writing. It didn't really make much sense. Delete it.
Then go back to school, learn a little English, and then try again. When you completely re-write this, send it to a good editor, and then apply the fixes he/she suggest. Then, if it's good enough, post it again. This time with a proper start, middle and end. Some background to understand the characters, and stop repeating the word bro. Have some respect for your readers, and delete this story immediately.

Edit

You lost me at the second paragraph. NEVER have two people speaking in the same paragraph. I didn't bother to vote.

Liked it.

Would like to see more.

Good story

DougNTexas:
My sister lives on the same side of town not far from me and I haven't seen her in 4 or 5 years. So don't be so trivial.

Hmmmm....

I thought I could muddle through some of the worst writing I have ever read... not happening "bro" !!! I have read papers from junior high kids that have a better developed story line. Not even worthy of a mediocre hard on.

keep it in the family

Unusual story hope there is another chapter really turned me on

sis, bro...

How many times can your characters say "sis" and "bro"?!?!?! How annoying. I couldnt even finish the story.

Man, you really, REALLY need to learn how to write dialog;

This was...fucking terrible, no stars, go back to school, maybe that's the place where everyone calls each other 'bro' all fucking day long, which is why you write like this. What an annoying piece of shit this 'story' is.

butthurt

man so much butthurt over a story LOL! i loved it