I have to hand it to you. You took a tale with a bunch of characters that can be seen as evil in another author's mind and make it a great and enjoyable tale. In the end everyone was happy and got what they wanted. Excellent!
Five stars
Marrying your half sister fulfills the Appalachian stereotype
And any kids from Cable and Jeannie will likely have birth defects. Unless perhaps Cable is not biologically her half-brother! I mean, if Lorna was cheating since their marriage began (or two months after, which is the same thing), how do we know who really fathered the kids? Oh, and the prejudice shines right through in this story, denials notwithstanding. I usually like this author's stories but not this one. Two stars for fair originality and writing.
The beginning was irritating with the back and forth, jumping around routine but I thought it was a fun read. The only thing is...he really didn't deserve Cassie. He kept her as his mistress for almost 20 years. It just doesn't seem fair for the love of his life to be in the closet while he stays with his whoring bitch wife. Okay read though.
Having lived in the South in the early 1980s for two years (Fayettville NC) I know that your charaters would have to be exceptional people. I liked the story. Thank you.
by
Anonymous02/16/14
Disgusting. All of them are disgusting vile people. No good guys in this story at all. They should all die in a fire.
Now let me waste half a page describing three kids who have no meaningful part to play in this story except Cable.
Now let me describe my life and why I'm a saint.
Now let me describe Cassie. In tedious detail.
Oh...we SHOULD mention my wife, so I'll wedge that in here. She's a bitch.
Where was I? Fucked if I know, so I'll tell you about how I'm dry humping Cassie all day at work and in front of my wife and kids.
Story, you say? Oh...um...yeah...story. Um...I caught them fucking. That's good for three paragraphs.
Now let me have a secondary character tell you everything the primary character JUST told you, but have a white mom hate white men. That's good for...something.
Where was I? Oh...can't have a porn story without incest. Let's tack that here.
Is there ANY MORE FLASHBACKS I CAN DO? No? Rats!
No helping it then. She got married, I got married, they got married.
The end.
The only thing not described was the wedding music. But we already know what it was.
But did not like the story.
Did I miss something here? Why did he stay with cheating wife for so long? Love for Cassie not enough to leave the skank for her?
Story was worth a five cause it engaged my mind and the story was the usual well writtten effort from this author.
The wife was so blessed in her life to have a family that loved her. Her revelation that she was a whore for grades at school and for success at work reveals a huge character defect. She wants and embraces a shallow, surface glittering, empty future. She and her new husband deserve each other.
I usually like your stuff. The recent one, heart attack, was ok. This one sucked from the beginning. Are you using voice recognition software to take down the story? This one just rambled. You start the story as if the husband was being hurt by his cheating wife's announcement of her desire to divorce. In reality they had never been truly married. He filled in for the first sperm donor. He had in spirit divorced his wife for his lover 19 years before. He spent all of his time with Cassie at work and at home. The racial tone in the story was insulting. Your character was little better than Tom Jefferson and Sally in how he describes how he knocked up Cassie and took care of their child to keep Cassie around. He is an admitted pig. I don't know why his wife didn't leave him years before. She never loved him and could have found a cleaner meal ticket. You can write better than this. I'm rounding up to 2 stars. Sorry.
by
Anonymous02/16/14
It was a fun read! 5 Stars
I don't understand the negative comments. It was a well-told story, the result of a lot of hard work by the author. And there were a lot of clever asides and funny comments, which were an integral part of the plot. I enjoyed it very much.
Your stories are different! Well told with a sense of humor. A five.
by
Anonymous02/16/14
Very painful to read.
This story was no where near the authors quality. It was so painful to read with the rambling and nonsensical tangents, I had to give up. Even the "ending" was a waste of time. It came across as if it were a story line, rather than a story.
This one seemed pointless and too predictable. Also, the ages of the main characters dont' make sense:
he's 39, she's 37. got Alex at Rutgers and Sarah who has finished high scool and taken a year off? And youngest in 12th grade. At what age did they start producing kids? And she got pregnant before marrying him. She started having kids when she was about 16?
Horrible writing for this story, the exposition at the beginning where the author tells us about each and every person involved was far too long and in a couple cases added absolutely nothing to the story. Worse, those passages stripped the tale of all the emotional impact. By the time the story reaches the reveal where the narrator (he's no hero) catches his babymama sneaking out of a shed. [Really, I mean 46 and 37 years old at a party and sneaking out to do it in a garden shed?] But anyways, by the time it reaches that point there's nothing that can really be added to the emotions. You know it has to happen, but you just don't care.
Poorly written, poorly plotted. This is NOT close to the quality of most of this author's work.
by
Anonymous02/16/14
Not one of your better works.
But not the worst either. There was too much rambling and disjointed monologues. Lorna is furious; but then not. She's insulting, demeaning and then says she still wants to be friends? She doesn't want a grease monkey husband but rather than move home with her rich parents, she married the mechanic? Wait. What? The kids are total snots and Sarah "knows her shit doesn't stink" and that she's "the town mattress". Really? That's your daughter? Your "angel" as you put it and there's no talks, no fights, just: meh, whatever attitude?
I believe that Kelcha and Betrayed by Love summed up the positive aspect that lead me to give it five stars... One complaint, why did Lorna choose him? Perhaps because he did not seem to know about her being the town pig? There should have been a better sugardaddy around.
by
Anonymous02/16/14
Enjoyed it......
I really enjoyed your story. I like the way you think. Keep them coming.
by
Anonymous02/16/14
Good story. I thought for sure Cable wasn't really his son in your story.
by
Anonymous02/16/14
Bigot
You're so proud of yourself for being Mr. Racially Tolerant, and then you blow it all to hell by making multiple anti Semitic references. So you like blacks and hate Jews? Whoopee! Plus, the story was crap.
There was no emotion. There were opportunities for emotion, wife cheats, husband cheats, long term relationships between white husband and black associate, white maybe-not-his-son and mostly white girlfriend who may/may-not-be-sister/daughter.
I have liked other stories by this author better. Something does not add up in the ages of the characters. The relationship between the two 'wives' in the same house was not mentioned. We know Lorna did not care, she knew she was moving on, but there was no interaction with Cassie. It was assumed that Lorna's children were his, but maybe they weren't?
Lorna was 37 and he was 39 and they had been "together" 25 years?? Their oldest child was 20, so did he knock up Lorna when she was in high school? It sounded like the three kids could have been less than 9 months apart. And, unless things have changed since I went to night law school, that should take 4 (not 2) years.
by
Anonymous02/16/14
Nothing
This story was nothing to write home about. The story was all over the place. You need to take your shoes off so you can count. Maryland, The people in the South say Maryland is a Yankee state. You need to learn more about the South before you write your trash.
by
Anonymous02/16/14
Nice job
Liked the story and all the characters had something going for them. 5*s
You just didn't do a good job of it.
A rambling monologue is easier to listen to than to read. Frankly, the story wasn't all that interesting to begin with.
I'd be looking over your shoulder because the producers of the Jerry Springer Show are going yo sue you for plagiarism. Convoluted unlikable characters makes a tough to read and enjoy story.
I'm a BTB guy, but what the hell. He got rid of the bitch and she's got an uncertain future. By the same token he's as bad a bastard as she is bitch. Fun reading. Can't imagine a life like that, however. Cheers!
by
Anonymous02/16/14
No one and nothing to cheer for.
Didn't "hate" it, but nothing much to like or cheer for.
Thank you at least for the effort.
Of the adults, Lorna, an adulteress, was almost the "good guy" here.
And that pretty much says all you need to say.
PS all the "folksy meandering" is really just a distraction and annoyance.
Interesting story, sort of a departure from the usual plot lines here. Kind of realistic in the everyone - is - fucked - up - sort of way. The chronic cheating wife thing is depressing. The incest thing is grim. The half-assed marriage thing points to the short comings in both the spouses. If they were my neighbors, I would avoid them. They are creepy.
To the anonymous commenter about Maryland's southern heritage:
There is an erroneous remark aimed at me and Maryland by an anonymous commenter regarding Maryland's heritage. I'd like to leave a remark here but I won't so I'll write something and put it on Literotica so everyone will get a fair appraisal of Maryland's past. It will appear in the non-erotic section. You can read it or not, but if you do you'll not be able to refute the facts.
...some unfortunate comments here but I thought it was OK.
It was just a story told from a different perspective - sauce for geese and ganders.
Entertaining in its own way - breaking the paradigm perhaps.
Anyway, for entertainment alone it was a solid 4.
Thanks
Hey. I thought it was great fun.
Reminded me of magmaman's stories, but more literate with multi-sentence paragraphs and all.
I liked everyone, even Lorna, but especially Cassie. It could have been better organized. It could have been more polished, but so could all of FD45's stories.
I felt good reading it. I wanted to know more about the characters afterwards. I laughed out loud a few times. If that isn't worth a 5 on an amateur writing site, I don't know what is.
Thanks for a great time, carvohi.
by
Anonymous02/17/14
Racist, bigoted
This was a windy, racist, bigoted piece of nonsense.
English
How many times did you fall asleep while writing that crap? I skipped through it and was yawning.
Sweet Story
Lovely story! Well done. Charmingly presented. Thank you for the pleasure of being able to read it.
WELL!
That was fun , thanks for the joy!
Wow
I have to hand it to you. You took a tale with a bunch of characters that can be seen as evil in another author's mind and make it a great and enjoyable tale. In the end everyone was happy and got what they wanted. Excellent!
Five stars
Marrying your half sister fulfills the Appalachian stereotype
And any kids from Cable and Jeannie will likely have birth defects. Unless perhaps Cable is not biologically her half-brother! I mean, if Lorna was cheating since their marriage began (or two months after, which is the same thing), how do we know who really fathered the kids? Oh, and the prejudice shines right through in this story, denials notwithstanding. I usually like this author's stories but not this one. Two stars for fair originality and writing.
Fun but...
The beginning was irritating with the back and forth, jumping around routine but I thought it was a fun read. The only thing is...he really didn't deserve Cassie. He kept her as his mistress for almost 20 years. It just doesn't seem fair for the love of his life to be in the closet while he stays with his whoring bitch wife. Okay read though.
The south
Having lived in the South in the early 1980s for two years (Fayettville NC) I know that your charaters would have to be exceptional people. I liked the story. Thank you.
Disgusting. All of them are disgusting vile people. No good guys in this story at all. They should all die in a fire.
Had to skip the first couple pages to keep interested
3 stars for the story and I'm giving myself 1 star as a reader. I just feel I should have enjoyed this story more than I did
wouldn't wasre the
time/effort on this BS tale.
1 *
Huh
Here is the irritating thing about this story:
Let me tell you my wife wants to divorce me
Now let me introduce myself
Now let me waste half a page describing three kids who have no meaningful part to play in this story except Cable.
Now let me describe my life and why I'm a saint.
Now let me describe Cassie. In tedious detail.
Oh...we SHOULD mention my wife, so I'll wedge that in here. She's a bitch.
Where was I? Fucked if I know, so I'll tell you about how I'm dry humping Cassie all day at work and in front of my wife and kids.
Story, you say? Oh...um...yeah...story. Um...I caught them fucking. That's good for three paragraphs.
Now let me have a secondary character tell you everything the primary character JUST told you, but have a white mom hate white men. That's good for...something.
Where was I? Oh...can't have a porn story without incest. Let's tack that here.
Is there ANY MORE FLASHBACKS I CAN DO? No? Rats!
No helping it then. She got married, I got married, they got married.
The end.
The only thing not described was the wedding music. But we already know what it was.
Dueling banjos of course!
Gave The Five Stars
But did not like the story.
Did I miss something here? Why did he stay with cheating wife for so long? Love for Cassie not enough to leave the skank for her?
Story was worth a five cause it engaged my mind and the story was the usual well writtten effort from this author.
The wife was so blessed in her life to have a family that loved her. Her revelation that she was a whore for grades at school and for success at work reveals a huge character defect. She wants and embraces a shallow, surface glittering, empty future. She and her new husband deserve each other.
Jerry Springer story
I usually like your stuff. The recent one, heart attack, was ok. This one sucked from the beginning. Are you using voice recognition software to take down the story? This one just rambled. You start the story as if the husband was being hurt by his cheating wife's announcement of her desire to divorce. In reality they had never been truly married. He filled in for the first sperm donor. He had in spirit divorced his wife for his lover 19 years before. He spent all of his time with Cassie at work and at home. The racial tone in the story was insulting. Your character was little better than Tom Jefferson and Sally in how he describes how he knocked up Cassie and took care of their child to keep Cassie around. He is an admitted pig. I don't know why his wife didn't leave him years before. She never loved him and could have found a cleaner meal ticket. You can write better than this. I'm rounding up to 2 stars. Sorry.
It was a fun read! 5 Stars
I don't understand the negative comments. It was a well-told story, the result of a lot of hard work by the author. And there were a lot of clever asides and funny comments, which were an integral part of the plot. I enjoyed it very much.
Good story!
Thanks for sharing.
Rambling
but I couldn't stop reading. A most refreshing and novel twist on the genra. 5*****
A Hoot
Your stories are different! Well told with a sense of humor. A five.
Very painful to read.
This story was no where near the authors quality. It was so painful to read with the rambling and nonsensical tangents, I had to give up. Even the "ending" was a waste of time. It came across as if it were a story line, rather than a story.
This author has written much better stories
This one seemed pointless and too predictable. Also, the ages of the main characters dont' make sense:
he's 39, she's 37. got Alex at Rutgers and Sarah who has finished high scool and taken a year off? And youngest in 12th grade. At what age did they start producing kids? And she got pregnant before marrying him. She started having kids when she was about 16?
Don't tell us everything up front!
Horrible writing for this story, the exposition at the beginning where the author tells us about each and every person involved was far too long and in a couple cases added absolutely nothing to the story. Worse, those passages stripped the tale of all the emotional impact. By the time the story reaches the reveal where the narrator (he's no hero) catches his babymama sneaking out of a shed. [Really, I mean 46 and 37 years old at a party and sneaking out to do it in a garden shed?] But anyways, by the time it reaches that point there's nothing that can really be added to the emotions. You know it has to happen, but you just don't care.
Poorly written, poorly plotted. This is NOT close to the quality of most of this author's work.
Not one of your better works.
But not the worst either. There was too much rambling and disjointed monologues. Lorna is furious; but then not. She's insulting, demeaning and then says she still wants to be friends? She doesn't want a grease monkey husband but rather than move home with her rich parents, she married the mechanic? Wait. What? The kids are total snots and Sarah "knows her shit doesn't stink" and that she's "the town mattress". Really? That's your daughter? Your "angel" as you put it and there's no talks, no fights, just: meh, whatever attitude?
Definitely NOT your best.
Fascinating Story
I believe that Kelcha and Betrayed by Love summed up the positive aspect that lead me to give it five stars... One complaint, why did Lorna choose him? Perhaps because he did not seem to know about her being the town pig? There should have been a better sugardaddy around.
Enjoyed it......
I really enjoyed your story. I like the way you think. Keep them coming.
Good story. I thought for sure Cable wasn't really his son in your story.
Bigot
You're so proud of yourself for being Mr. Racially Tolerant, and then you blow it all to hell by making multiple anti Semitic references. So you like blacks and hate Jews? Whoopee! Plus, the story was crap.
There was no emotion. There were opportunities for emotion, wife cheats, husband cheats, long term relationships between white husband and black associate, white maybe-not-his-son and mostly white girlfriend who may/may-not-be-sister/daughter.
Good enough
I have liked other stories by this author better. Something does not add up in the ages of the characters. The relationship between the two 'wives' in the same house was not mentioned. We know Lorna did not care, she knew she was moving on, but there was no interaction with Cassie. It was assumed that Lorna's children were his, but maybe they weren't?
IN THE STRANGEST SENSE OF THE WORLD
to get something you have to give something, even if it is you that got shafted.. TK U MLJ LV NV
There were some math problems.
Lorna was 37 and he was 39 and they had been "together" 25 years?? Their oldest child was 20, so did he knock up Lorna when she was in high school? It sounded like the three kids could have been less than 9 months apart. And, unless things have changed since I went to night law school, that should take 4 (not 2) years.
Nothing
This story was nothing to write home about. The story was all over the place. You need to take your shoes off so you can count. Maryland, The people in the South say Maryland is a Yankee state. You need to learn more about the South before you write your trash.
Nice job
Liked the story and all the characters had something going for them. 5*s
You Racist Sh1t - 1*
Condescending tone
I got what you were trying to do
You just didn't do a good job of it.
A rambling monologue is easier to listen to than to read. Frankly, the story wasn't all that interesting to begin with.
I'd be looking over your shoulder because the producers of the Jerry Springer Show are going yo sue you for plagiarism. Convoluted unlikable characters makes a tough to read and enjoy story.
****
I'm a BTB guy, but what the hell. He got rid of the bitch and she's got an uncertain future. By the same token he's as bad a bastard as she is bitch. Fun reading. Can't imagine a life like that, however. Cheers!
No one and nothing to cheer for.
Didn't "hate" it, but nothing much to like or cheer for.
Thank you at least for the effort.
Of the adults, Lorna, an adulteress, was almost the "good guy" here.
And that pretty much says all you need to say.
PS all the "folksy meandering" is really just a distraction and annoyance.
ok
Fun story.....An interesting slice of life....
Interesting
Interesting story, sort of a departure from the usual plot lines here. Kind of realistic in the everyone - is - fucked - up - sort of way. The chronic cheating wife thing is depressing. The incest thing is grim. The half-assed marriage thing points to the short comings in both the spouses. If they were my neighbors, I would avoid them. They are creepy.
Amusing little soap opera
Could have almost been in the humor category. Great entertainment! Just can't take this story too seriously.
All I Heard***
Was Banjo music while reading this story!! Fun read. Thanks for sharing
FD45 gave a superb recount of te story.
He caught the tedious detail and meaningless tangents quite well
Nope
No thanks, didn't like this much.
To the anonymous commenter about Maryland's southern heritage:
There is an erroneous remark aimed at me and Maryland by an anonymous commenter regarding Maryland's heritage. I'd like to leave a remark here but I won't so I'll write something and put it on Literotica so everyone will get a fair appraisal of Maryland's past. It will appear in the non-erotic section. You can read it or not, but if you do you'll not be able to refute the facts.
Fun read , gave it a five
It was entertaining.
You sure attracted...
...some unfortunate comments here but I thought it was OK.
It was just a story told from a different perspective - sauce for geese and ganders.
Entertaining in its own way - breaking the paradigm perhaps.
Anyway, for entertainment alone it was a solid 4.
Thanks
Good, not great
Well written, gets a 5 But the story was just good imo
Great author hope to read more in the future
A piece of crap.
Not worth your time to read it. The protagonist got what he deserved.
wow this was fucking boring and YES he is a BIGOT
Jews cant talk about Jesus?
That was fun
Hey. I thought it was great fun.
Reminded me of magmaman's stories, but more literate with multi-sentence paragraphs and all.
I liked everyone, even Lorna, but especially Cassie. It could have been better organized. It could have been more polished, but so could all of FD45's stories.
I felt good reading it. I wanted to know more about the characters afterwards. I laughed out loud a few times. If that isn't worth a 5 on an amateur writing site, I don't know what is.
Thanks for a great time, carvohi.
Racist, bigoted
This was a windy, racist, bigoted piece of nonsense.
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