You have a good story going here, but the extent of the dialogue is too much. It is not the most effective way to tell the story. I appreciate you writing, I am just stating my opinion in what I hope is a constructive manner. You have done well with the dialogue, I simply think if you mix in a little third person or first person it would add by way of balance.
I disagree, I love the pure dialogue, the back and forth banter as the action unfolds. I look forward to what I hope is a second installment of this adventure.
I like this style because for a short story, it is a refreshing change from what we normally read here. But by all means, pleeeease don't stop here. Let the flirtation continue and show us what happens on the beach, in a secluded spot, where no one can see.
Good writing. No grammar mistakes. 5 stars
Nice piece of writing. The amount of dialogue was a bit much for me, but you did warn.
Teasing is CRUEL!
(Unless Hubby likes it that way!)
Sun God will burn Sweetie!
(But Sweetie likes it that way!)
((Cream-pies for everyone!))
Yes my wife is a teaser she tell me stories at work when they have some party sometimes she dance with co-workers they get hard and she like to make them come in they pants hoping to fuck her, she like the power she has on them but no sex I sometime find it hard to believe her ?
Not opening our marriage. That says it all.
Thank you for the great story! I loved this even though I was missing more details, which you warned us about, I loved the dialog. Please continue this is you can! Also is possible, a rewrite with vivid details would be an awesome thing. ;-)
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