Melt and Thaw

Hi, tod. I wondered after I read it if longer lines with mostly the same words would have had a different effect. It seemed to me there were too many end rhymes that made me stop when I wanted keep going. I think some internal rhyming, replacing a few rhymes with near rhymes, and longer but staggered line lengths would add to the rhythm (much like making love) of the poem while maintaing most of the words and narrative. Just my two cents. I enjoy reading your work.

Ice to steam

Ice melts, condensing to slide down as heat seeps in
Ice, pooling at your feet...rising in temperature to rise again in streamy mist
Loved it....
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