First congratulations on stepping out of your comfort zone and writing a story in a public forum. Second - obviously English is not your first language. The sentence structure along with noun, verb and adjective placement makes this hard to read. I am not an author, but I can see you need to get assistance to make the story flow better since you are not accustomed to writing in English.
by
Anonymous02/20/14
Could be good
This could have been a good story but can I you suggest you a native English speaker get your story to edit.
by
Anonymous02/20/14
people don't talk that way
When you write dialog, write it like it would be spoken. People don't constantly refer to each other by name in one on one dialog, especially as "bro/sis brother/sister".
This was a hard story to read, as obviously English is not your first language. The premise was good, and if you fought though the language issues, it wasn't that bad for a first submission. Keep trying, and please get someone to proof read your story and make sure there are no further language issues.
As for the comment left by builder126... good grief!!! If your going to have the nerve to call someone out on their grammar, and writing abilities...why would you say "The grammar and syntax was so lousy it looked like it was written by a six year old" ... Grammar was lousy? OMG!!!! I think you are the one who needs to brush up on his English skills before you criticize someone's writing.
by
Anonymous02/20/14
* * *
For a second (or third language) it was a heroic effort! Keep on writing, but work with an English mentor.
Authors here on Lit have all sorts and levels of writing skills from college trained English majors to people who slept through high school English. A subset of these are writers for whom English is a second language. Those of us educated in English speaking places recognize these writers right away. As readers, we need to make allowances for their unusual construction, idiom and grammar. And we need to remember that they are folks just like us who have a story rolling around in their head that has to find a way out! So, if you are getting ready to complain about grammar, structure and idiom, try writing even a single page story. You might just get a better appreciation for the work and care most authors put into their stories. This goes DOUBLE for all of you "Anonymous" critics.
most of your critics, vitriolic or kindly, are right in what they say. English speakers would appreciate from the first few lines of your story that English is not your first language.
The title of your story intrigued me, and so, like your critics, I read it.
If it had been written in common English vernacular or parlance, I would have enjoyed it, but the writing got in the way of the story - if that makes sense to you.
So what you need is a kindly and patient editor. There are many on this site who will appreciate how well you have done - and just how difficult it is to write in a second language. Don't be dismayed or angry. Just be positive and write your second story, with the the help of an editor. I am sure that most of your critics will read it, if only to see if the writing has improved.
You will also become more proficient by reading how he, or she, (your editor) has reconstructed your sentences.
I do mean everything I say in a kindly way - and I know that I could not do nearly as well if I were to try and write in a language other than my own 'native tongue' (now there's a title for your next story).
Remember these words.
It is easy to be light-hearted
when the world rolls along like a song.
but it's worthwhile if you can smile
when everything''s going wrong.
Writing well is hard work, and it takes a long time to accomplish it. Making your work available to others for their criticism is an important step in the process. And it requires bravery to do so. But then you must weigh that criticism truly, and that, too, requires bravery---as well as honesty with yourself.
"Jane Marwood" gave you some good advice. But she missed one point I believe that you should think about: Read a lot of books written well in English, written by authors generally acknowledged to be good. (And I don't mean, generally speaking, the authors you'll find here on Literotica---though some of them are *very* good.) I've always believed that an important part of learning to write well is voraciously reading well---where "well" refers not to *how* you read, but to *what* you read. Think about what you read, and about the devices the authors use.
And you should ignore the ignorant jerks who post comments that aim more to cause you pain than to help you. Giving meaningful, helpful criticism requires courage, too. The jerks don't have the balls to post stories themselves, or even to "identify" themselves, even to the almost non-existent extent that Literotica requires.
I thought your story was charming, partially because of your difficulties with standard English. But the critics who want you to improve have their point, too.
You have to take the negative with the positive. This goes down slightly easier on the second try. It does have a slightly British tone, but you need more practice, or an editor.
by
Anonymous02/27/14
Really Hot
I love this story. That Brother and Sister can get past their little spats and love one another as they've always wished to. Yes, I can see that this is not the language that you use the most and probably less comfortable in. But I can appreciate you wanting to tell it in English all the more because of it. The difference in the subtle ways that your English flows and the way American or British English flows just seems to make it more exotic to me. I can see your characters in my mind, as I have a Doctor from India who is very beautiful to me and her being so different to me makes her mysterious and erotic to me. She is also much younger than I which is sad, but I wish to hold her. I wish she were my sister as she is very sweet and I love the way she smells, though she wears no artificial scents and I wish I could have this relationship. I do have my mother and she is a wonderful lover, but I have been in love with her for years even though she hates me.I think this is why mommy (she likes that name) became my lover - seeing my sister's attitude and my besottedness - so she sought to comfort me. Keep making incest stories. MotherLoving and/or family/Loving is the best, since the love is there already and they simply take it to another level. I'll get my sister to love me yet, though I'll never get my Dr. Good work. You give me hope.
INCREDIBLE!! In fewer that 3,500 words there were so many mistakes, poorly expressed thoughts, wrong word choices that I believe that the author is likely to be an ESL speaker. If so, I do apologize for the harshness of this critique. If not, my advice to you is as follows: 1, Take several basic English classes, Your English would have to improve to qualify as pidgin English 2. Alternatively enlist the services of a ghostwriter as no mere editor is likely to salvage your prose 3. Or, finally leave writing to the literate.
needed to go for a marriage to other city (to a wedding) (another)
they insisted (that) our whole family -to) attend
We both declined to ATTEND as we were not in a mood to ATTEND any function and (would)rather (-decided to) stay at home to relax from the recent exams.
My parents leaved in the evening (left)
decided on PIZZAS. So I went to the PIZZA outlet to get the PIZZAS.
it was very hot climate that day (weather)
a match in the TV (on)
I was seeing my sister in (other) way I should not have.
She wore a tight (-short of) pink (-color) (shorts) with (a) matching pink top
The top was loose fitting with a V (-cut near the) neck
Her short gave her ASS an incredible shape. Now I always have been an ASS man and I never have seen my sister's ASS that way before.(-The) (Her) ASS was full
imagine Kelly brook FIGURE (Brock’s ???) if you want to imagine (-how) my sister (-had the) FIGURE.
She had big breast on her rather small chest (breasts)
I shifted my whole concentration (-on) (to) the match.
she (-can) (could) see her daily soap
the one she insisted was (-a high on) (full of) drama and romance
She pleaded (-to) (with) me but it made no difference (-in) (to) me.
I(-, who) was (-in total) (totally) -(consciousness) (conscious) of what she was up to, (-hide) (hid) the remote behind me in the sofa.
(-To this she) She rushed at me and threw her body on me. For the first time I came in contact with her breast when she was upon me. I (-was in a state where I was enjoying) (enjoyed) myself feeling her breast on my chest.
She (-was like grinding) (ground) herself on me to reach (-up to) the REMOTE (-in) (behind) my back. I did no move to shift or defend the REMOTE. Finally she got her hands on the REMOTE
and got up from my lap cherishing her victory over me.She said the REMOTE is in my hand and I am going to watch my favorite program..."
was shocked to see a bulge in my pant down there (pants) (ISN’T IT CONNECTED TO HIM???)
I looked at her and said, "Look sis it not your fault. I am really sorry for this. I know it's really embarrassing but it's(- a) natural (-phenomenon and even) I can't help it sorry."
She too was involved in the show watching(.) (-that) I thought she must have taken this lightly and (-would have forget) (forgotten) this.
(-But to my attention) I noticed one thing.
I (-too) tried to catch her red (-handedly) (handed).
So determined (-I watched) (to watch) her every move (-with cross view WTF???)
I (-too looked) (watched) (-at) her catching her (-seeing) (looking at) my crotch. She (-got red with blush because of she) (blushed red at) being caught
I decided to clear (-ourselves of all this as now) (the air between us as) we both were adults (-to) (and could )handle this topic.
I saw a men's hard on for the first time in my life (LIVING UNDER A ROCK????)
it got my attention (-of) (to see) what (-does) it (-look) (looks) like so I was just checking it (-in) (out)
have (-any) (a) boyfriend (-in the) (at) college
you have (-any) (a) girlfriend
I replied laughing, "I am too single up till now sis. That is why I got a hard on (-by) (when) you (were )on top of me
Holy shit. I (didn't understand) (can’t believe) that I actually said that.
"Look (-not ) you (should not be sorry)
started watching porn movies (-from) (for a) few months
I knew this (-from) (for a) long time
reading all (-those) (that) material
I didn't expect (-have) to face this reality today (-that too) (especially) in front of my own sister."Ok sweetie (I) am sorry for all this(-." Was) (was) all I could say
since the first time I came to (my) sense(s) and -(understand) (understood) what love is.
due to the feeling (-of not) (I was not) able to claim you as mine for (-the) (a) lifetime
it's your (-birth right) (birthright) and you (-are to) (could) do that. But that feeling of losing you and my failure (of having) (to have) you for myself left me with anger and (-that use) (used) to (-come) (take that) out on you when we fought."
"Same pinch bro (ODD EXPRESSION!!)
We both smiled and came forward for our first KISS. We both closed our eyes and got lost in the feeling of love for each other through the KISS. First it was a gentle KISS our mouth(s) on each other. Then we KISSed deeply with full passion. Our tongues met each other and we played with them in each other's mouth. We KISSed for around half an hour completely lost in the senses of love and KISS. (DID THEY KISS???) We finally broke our KISS
my sister (-owned) (has) a very large bathroom
We again started KISSing. She inclined to KISS my chest
She then pulled my head towards her breast and rest my head (rested)
on her right boob. I sucked the nipples first. (-It was) (They were) dark brown
licked every part of her breast(-.) Both (-breast) (breasts) .
I also bite the breast (bit) making her moan in pleasure.
denied her (-from) the pleasure
I unbuttoned (-am) (my) jeans
removed both my jeans (-as well as) (and) underwear (-from my body).
not believe (-at) this site
held my PENIS in her hand I pulled her head and took my PENIS and put it on her lips. Sensing what I was demanding she opened her mouth and took my PENIS in her mouth.She slowly started to lick my PENIS from top to bottom including my balls. She then started sucking my PENIS like she sucked any lollypop. I was in heaven by the feeling I was getting by her sucking my PENIS. (PENIS!!!!!)
When I was on the verge of (-Cuming) (cumming) I (-stopped) (tired to stop) her
started to suck furiously (-at) (on) my PENIS.
I could not hold (out) any longer
she (-thrusted) (thrust) her short clad ass
wearing (-a) silky pink (-pantie) (panties)
to die (-due to) (from) (-over excitement) (overexcitement) (-on) seeing her ass.
gave her body a curve worth dying for. (ODD EXPRESSION!!)
I would definitely eat it raw as it is (ODD EXPRESSION!!)
licking her (-ass hole) (ass hole)
must have trimmed few days before only (ODD EXPRESSION!!)
lips were (-fuller) (full) and dark brown
I (-then first) sucked her outer lips then inner lips then (her) clitoris.
I put my tongue inside of her vagina it was like (-her vagina) (it)
She kissed me tasting her own juice (-from my mouth).
Then she lifted herself slightly, picked my penis up, brought her vagina on top of my penis and sat on it with (-one quick down fall) (quickly)
on my lap from (-my) (her) vagina
I came to realization that it was her hymen (-which) (DUH!!! VIRGIN) broke.
fucking a girl (-in) doggy style
I (-knelled) (knelt) behind her and (-first) again licked and kissed
again (I spanked) (-spank) her.
I spanked both her ass cheeks till (-it) (they) turned red.
was not able to (-cop) (keep) up
I squeezed her breast(s).
(-All) (t (T)his made her (-to come like hell) (cum) (-. This made) (, making) her vagina (-to) convulse more
her vagina (-is ) (was) sucking my penis
(-if draw) (it drew) all my sperm
releasing (all my) (-much) sperm (-I had in my balls) inside her.
"Sis you gave me the best fuck of my life." (FIRST/ONLY!!!!)
prayed that it (-must) (would) be you who would be my first and (-with) (to) whom I (-broke) (lost) my virginity
We dosed (dozed off) (-to sleep).
I came twice IN MY SLEEP in the night when she sucked me WHILE I WAS SLEEPING.
our legs were (-paining) (hurting) from (-the) exhaustion and our genitals (-paining) from the constant (-fuck) (fucking).
INCREDIBLE!!!!!
by
Anonymous03/03/17
NOT American
This was obviously translated from Chinese or something. Horrible grammar, wrong word usage, and bad spelling.
Oh wait....I forgot something!
The Dumbing Down of the American school system! NOW, I see why it was written so poorly.
English
Cant read it hurts my head
First congratulations on stepping out of your comfort zone and writing a story in a public forum. Second - obviously English is not your first language. The sentence structure along with noun, verb and adjective placement makes this hard to read. I am not an author, but I can see you need to get assistance to make the story flow better since you are not accustomed to writing in English.
Could be good
This could have been a good story but can I you suggest you a native English speaker get your story to edit.
people don't talk that way
When you write dialog, write it like it would be spoken. People don't constantly refer to each other by name in one on one dialog, especially as "bro/sis brother/sister".
Too Bad
Couldn't get past the first couple of paragraphs. The grammar and syntax was so lousy it looked like it was written by a six year old
funny
Funniest story I am reading yet
Where do I start
This was a hard story to read, as obviously English is not your first language. The premise was good, and if you fought though the language issues, it wasn't that bad for a first submission. Keep trying, and please get someone to proof read your story and make sure there are no further language issues.
As for the comment left by builder126... good grief!!! If your going to have the nerve to call someone out on their grammar, and writing abilities...why would you say "The grammar and syntax was so lousy it looked like it was written by a six year old" ... Grammar was lousy? OMG!!!! I think you are the one who needs to brush up on his English skills before you criticize someone's writing.
* * *
For a second (or third language) it was a heroic effort! Keep on writing, but work with an English mentor.
please keep writimg n spite of the trolls
I enjoyed the story. the best way to improve your English is through more writing,
Sequel needed
The story was good. Since we have so many english professors reading maybe you could spice it up a little.
Down, Boys!
Authors here on Lit have all sorts and levels of writing skills from college trained English majors to people who slept through high school English. A subset of these are writers for whom English is a second language. Those of us educated in English speaking places recognize these writers right away. As readers, we need to make allowances for their unusual construction, idiom and grammar. And we need to remember that they are folks just like us who have a story rolling around in their head that has to find a way out! So, if you are getting ready to complain about grammar, structure and idiom, try writing even a single page story. You might just get a better appreciation for the work and care most authors put into their stories. This goes DOUBLE for all of you "Anonymous" critics.
Calm down and listen...
most of your critics, vitriolic or kindly, are right in what they say. English speakers would appreciate from the first few lines of your story that English is not your first language.
The title of your story intrigued me, and so, like your critics, I read it.
If it had been written in common English vernacular or parlance, I would have enjoyed it, but the writing got in the way of the story - if that makes sense to you.
So what you need is a kindly and patient editor. There are many on this site who will appreciate how well you have done - and just how difficult it is to write in a second language. Don't be dismayed or angry. Just be positive and write your second story, with the the help of an editor. I am sure that most of your critics will read it, if only to see if the writing has improved.
You will also become more proficient by reading how he, or she, (your editor) has reconstructed your sentences.
I do mean everything I say in a kindly way - and I know that I could not do nearly as well if I were to try and write in a language other than my own 'native tongue' (now there's a title for your next story).
Remember these words.
It is easy to be light-hearted
when the world rolls along like a song.
but it's worthwhile if you can smile
when everything''s going wrong.
Adolf Hitler 1945
seriously, my boy. Write another.
Good advice!
Writing well is hard work, and it takes a long time to accomplish it. Making your work available to others for their criticism is an important step in the process. And it requires bravery to do so. But then you must weigh that criticism truly, and that, too, requires bravery---as well as honesty with yourself.
"Jane Marwood" gave you some good advice. But she missed one point I believe that you should think about: Read a lot of books written well in English, written by authors generally acknowledged to be good. (And I don't mean, generally speaking, the authors you'll find here on Literotica---though some of them are *very* good.) I've always believed that an important part of learning to write well is voraciously reading well---where "well" refers not to *how* you read, but to *what* you read. Think about what you read, and about the devices the authors use.
And you should ignore the ignorant jerks who post comments that aim more to cause you pain than to help you. Giving meaningful, helpful criticism requires courage, too. The jerks don't have the balls to post stories themselves, or even to "identify" themselves, even to the almost non-existent extent that Literotica requires.
I thought your story was charming, partially because of your difficulties with standard English. But the critics who want you to improve have their point, too.
--CarlusMagnus
You have to take the negative with the positive. This goes down slightly easier on the second try. It does have a slightly British tone, but you need more practice, or an editor.
Really Hot
I love this story. That Brother and Sister can get past their little spats and love one another as they've always wished to. Yes, I can see that this is not the language that you use the most and probably less comfortable in. But I can appreciate you wanting to tell it in English all the more because of it. The difference in the subtle ways that your English flows and the way American or British English flows just seems to make it more exotic to me. I can see your characters in my mind, as I have a Doctor from India who is very beautiful to me and her being so different to me makes her mysterious and erotic to me. She is also much younger than I which is sad, but I wish to hold her. I wish she were my sister as she is very sweet and I love the way she smells, though she wears no artificial scents and I wish I could have this relationship. I do have my mother and she is a wonderful lover, but I have been in love with her for years even though she hates me.I think this is why mommy (she likes that name) became my lover - seeing my sister's attitude and my besottedness - so she sought to comfort me. Keep making incest stories. MotherLoving and/or family/Loving is the best, since the love is there already and they simply take it to another level. I'll get my sister to love me yet, though I'll never get my Dr. Good work. You give me hope.
Whaaaaaaat? No birth control?
Surprise down the road?
INCREDIBLE!! In fewer that 3,500 words there were so many mistakes, poorly expressed thoughts, wrong word choices that I believe that the author is likely to be an ESL speaker. If so, I do apologize for the harshness of this critique. If not, my advice to you is as follows: 1, Take several basic English classes, Your English would have to improve to qualify as pidgin English 2. Alternatively enlist the services of a ghostwriter as no mere editor is likely to salvage your prose 3. Or, finally leave writing to the literate.
needed to go for a marriage to other city (to a wedding) (another)
they insisted (that) our whole family -to) attend
We both declined to ATTEND as we were not in a mood to ATTEND any function and (would)rather (-decided to) stay at home to relax from the recent exams.
My parents leaved in the evening (left)
decided on PIZZAS. So I went to the PIZZA outlet to get the PIZZAS.
it was very hot climate that day (weather)
a match in the TV (on)
I was seeing my sister in (other) way I should not have.
She wore a tight (-short of) pink (-color) (shorts) with (a) matching pink top
The top was loose fitting with a V (-cut near the) neck
Her short gave her ASS an incredible shape. Now I always have been an ASS man and I never have seen my sister's ASS that way before.(-The) (Her) ASS was full
imagine Kelly brook FIGURE (Brock’s ???) if you want to imagine (-how) my sister (-had the) FIGURE.
She had big breast on her rather small chest (breasts)
I shifted my whole concentration (-on) (to) the match.
she (-can) (could) see her daily soap
the one she insisted was (-a high on) (full of) drama and romance
She pleaded (-to) (with) me but it made no difference (-in) (to) me.
I(-, who) was (-in total) (totally) -(consciousness) (conscious) of what she was up to, (-hide) (hid) the remote behind me in the sofa.
(-To this she) She rushed at me and threw her body on me. For the first time I came in contact with her breast when she was upon me. I (-was in a state where I was enjoying) (enjoyed) myself feeling her breast on my chest.
She (-was like grinding) (ground) herself on me to reach (-up to) the REMOTE (-in) (behind) my back. I did no move to shift or defend the REMOTE. Finally she got her hands on the REMOTE
and got up from my lap cherishing her victory over me.She said the REMOTE is in my hand and I am going to watch my favorite program..."
was shocked to see a bulge in my pant down there (pants) (ISN’T IT CONNECTED TO HIM???)
I looked at her and said, "Look sis it not your fault. I am really sorry for this. I know it's really embarrassing but it's(- a) natural (-phenomenon and even) I can't help it sorry."
She too was involved in the show watching(.) (-that) I thought she must have taken this lightly and (-would have forget) (forgotten) this.
(-But to my attention) I noticed one thing.
I (-too) tried to catch her red (-handedly) (handed).
So determined (-I watched) (to watch) her every move (-with cross view WTF???)
I (-too looked) (watched) (-at) her catching her (-seeing) (looking at) my crotch. She (-got red with blush because of she) (blushed red at) being caught
I decided to clear (-ourselves of all this as now) (the air between us as) we both were adults (-to) (and could )handle this topic.
I saw a men's hard on for the first time in my life (LIVING UNDER A ROCK????)
it got my attention (-of) (to see) what (-does) it (-look) (looks) like so I was just checking it (-in) (out)
have (-any) (a) boyfriend (-in the) (at) college
you have (-any) (a) girlfriend
I replied laughing, "I am too single up till now sis. That is why I got a hard on (-by) (when) you (were )on top of me
Holy shit. I (didn't understand) (can’t believe) that I actually said that.
"Look (-not ) you (should not be sorry)
started watching porn movies (-from) (for a) few months
I knew this (-from) (for a) long time
reading all (-those) (that) material
I didn't expect (-have) to face this reality today (-that too) (especially) in front of my own sister."Ok sweetie (I) am sorry for all this(-." Was) (was) all I could say
since the first time I came to (my) sense(s) and -(understand) (understood) what love is.
due to the feeling (-of not) (I was not) able to claim you as mine for (-the) (a) lifetime
it's your (-birth right) (birthright) and you (-are to) (could) do that. But that feeling of losing you and my failure (of having) (to have) you for myself left me with anger and (-that use) (used) to (-come) (take that) out on you when we fought."
"Same pinch bro (ODD EXPRESSION!!)
We both smiled and came forward for our first KISS. We both closed our eyes and got lost in the feeling of love for each other through the KISS. First it was a gentle KISS our mouth(s) on each other. Then we KISSed deeply with full passion. Our tongues met each other and we played with them in each other's mouth. We KISSed for around half an hour completely lost in the senses of love and KISS. (DID THEY KISS???) We finally broke our KISS
my sister (-owned) (has) a very large bathroom
We again started KISSing. She inclined to KISS my chest
She then pulled my head towards her breast and rest my head (rested)
on her right boob. I sucked the nipples first. (-It was) (They were) dark brown
licked every part of her breast(-.) Both (-breast) (breasts) .
I also bite the breast (bit) making her moan in pleasure.
denied her (-from) the pleasure
I unbuttoned (-am) (my) jeans
removed both my jeans (-as well as) (and) underwear (-from my body).
not believe (-at) this site
held my PENIS in her hand I pulled her head and took my PENIS and put it on her lips. Sensing what I was demanding she opened her mouth and took my PENIS in her mouth.She slowly started to lick my PENIS from top to bottom including my balls. She then started sucking my PENIS like she sucked any lollypop. I was in heaven by the feeling I was getting by her sucking my PENIS. (PENIS!!!!!)
When I was on the verge of (-Cuming) (cumming) I (-stopped) (tired to stop) her
started to suck furiously (-at) (on) my PENIS.
I could not hold (out) any longer
she (-thrusted) (thrust) her short clad ass
wearing (-a) silky pink (-pantie) (panties)
to die (-due to) (from) (-over excitement) (overexcitement) (-on) seeing her ass.
gave her body a curve worth dying for. (ODD EXPRESSION!!)
I would definitely eat it raw as it is (ODD EXPRESSION!!)
licking her (-ass hole) (ass hole)
must have trimmed few days before only (ODD EXPRESSION!!)
lips were (-fuller) (full) and dark brown
I (-then first) sucked her outer lips then inner lips then (her) clitoris.
I put my tongue inside of her vagina it was like (-her vagina) (it)
She kissed me tasting her own juice (-from my mouth).
Then she lifted herself slightly, picked my penis up, brought her vagina on top of my penis and sat on it with (-one quick down fall) (quickly)
on my lap from (-my) (her) vagina
I came to realization that it was her hymen (-which) (DUH!!! VIRGIN) broke.
fucking a girl (-in) doggy style
I (-knelled) (knelt) behind her and (-first) again licked and kissed
again (I spanked) (-spank) her.
I spanked both her ass cheeks till (-it) (they) turned red.
was not able to (-cop) (keep) up
I squeezed her breast(s).
(-All) (t (T)his made her (-to come like hell) (cum) (-. This made) (, making) her vagina (-to) convulse more
her vagina (-is ) (was) sucking my penis
(-if draw) (it drew) all my sperm
releasing (all my) (-much) sperm (-I had in my balls) inside her.
"Sis you gave me the best fuck of my life." (FIRST/ONLY!!!!)
prayed that it (-must) (would) be you who would be my first and (-with) (to) whom I (-broke) (lost) my virginity
We dosed (dozed off) (-to sleep).
I came twice IN MY SLEEP in the night when she sucked me WHILE I WAS SLEEPING.
our legs were (-paining) (hurting) from (-the) exhaustion and our genitals (-paining) from the constant (-fuck) (fucking).
INCREDIBLE!!!!!
NOT American
This was obviously translated from Chinese or something. Horrible grammar, wrong word usage, and bad spelling.
Oh wait....I forgot something!
The Dumbing Down of the American school system! NOW, I see why it was written so poorly.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
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