homeErotic PoetryYou want some?Public Comments

All Comments  for

You want some?

byLucy1970Harker©
All
Comments (1)
by Anonymous

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by greenmountaineer02/18/14

This has potential. A liitle too heavy with the alliteration IMO. If you cut back a bit, I think what you leave would have greater iimpact. If you choose hard consonants, rather than soft ones, I think the sonics would emphasize the "You want some?" assertivess repeated throughout the poem, which I think is very effective, particularly the twist at the end. Of course, this is yours, so if you like it as is, don't change a thing.

I enjoyed reading this.

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.

Click here to leave your own comment on this submission!  or
Back to You want some?  or
More submissions by Lucy1970Harker.

Add a
Comment

Post a public comment on this submission (click here to send private anonymous feedback to the author instead).

Post comment as (click to select):

You may also listen to a recording of the characters.

Preview comment

Forgot your password?

Please wait

Change picture

Your current user avatar, all sizes:

Default size User Picture  Medium size User Picture  Small size User Picture  Tiny size User Picture

You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.

Select new user avatar:

   Cancel