Guild Wars Ch. 01

Good story idea

I like your story idea and see where this could be a good series. I didn't finish reading because of the mechanics. I think before you get an editor, you should re-read your stories to tighten and improve issues of punctuation, word choice, verb tense, and transitions. The things that made me stop reading were poor punctuation (especially in dialogue tags), and a sense that you haven't yet found your writer's voice--I couldn't really feel connected to the characters. Now, I'm not saying you're a terrible writer or that you don't have any talent. I can tell you put a lot of effort into writing the story, and I've seen much, much worse.

Good luck!

Awesome start, really liking it. Just work on grammar n spelling.

I like the start, seems to have loads of potential!

Great start

Nice beginning. You're already starting on character development, don't stop. Either getting an editor or re-reading the story looking for errors would be nice. Please keep writing.

love the start please keep writing

Great Start

Lots of potential with this story line. As the story develops, a bit of the back story should be worked in to help set the basic environment.

really good setup, might be allot better from a first person narrative though.

RavenT

The punctuation wasn't so bad initially. But in order to post it, I have to edit it a lot. So I'll try to do better in the next chapters. Thanks for the effort!

Most of the errors can be corrected by carefully reading the story twice. The story line is good but just throwing a story in this condition out to your readers is offensive.