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Good story but...
the raping should have lasted longer. He should have cum inside her and knocked her up good
some inconsistency, but very good
I thoroughly enjoy your writing style. You write well. Your ability for descripitive writing, especially for setting the mood, is finely honed. My only criticism: At some point in the story the man says he'll use a condom. This leads the reader to believe that he is going to reach his orgasm inside of the woman. But by the end the read learns that there is no condom because he ejaculates on her. There are one or two other small inconsistencies of this same type, but not as noticeable. Overall a highly enjoyable story, finely written.
Excellent
I just popped in to see what I might find and literally stumbled across this story. Very simple in plot and characterization, this short work is a gem. Thank you.
exclamation marks
If you cut out every exclamation mark except for maybe two, the story would have more force.
Needs a little work
Great story, but there were a couple of things that pushed my buttons in it. One was your excessive use of punctuation, one question mark or exclamation point would suffice. The other was your inconsistency (e.g. the condom incident). With a few adjustments this story could be gold. Keep writing.
more
u should continue the story. i think you have a wonderful foundation for more.
Get her pregnant
He should cum back to rape her again - this time shooting his cum deep inside her snatch - telling her if she aborts his baby that he will cum back & slit her throat.
Thank you for a lovely kinky story
Sarah Leather, London England (fit, attractive, toned 32yo blonde married mum with two cute blonde daughters) (when they are old enough, I want some arrogant fucker like the rapist in this story to rape me in front of them !!!!)
leathercatsuitgirl@hotmail.co.uk
very nice
very nice story - confused as to why the one glove on one glove off thing -- but a very nice hot story -- more from the intruder would be awesome
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