All Comments on 'Family is Not Blood Ch. 01'

It says ch 1. Is it the end or not???

see title

I was all for what Mike did to get back at Cathy and Corey except for him tampering with the condoms which resulted in an unplanned pregnancy. No telling what kind of treatment the baby will receive.

Frankly, this was shit. The category is wrong and why did the 'hero' wait months to get his so-called revenge? Producing a new human being for spite seems a bit excessive - what about the poor kid?

And the hubby does not know about it.A slut wife.So disromatic story.

For sharing.

Very difficult to get through. The dialogue was not written well. Many times you simply narrated the dialogue, which makes for a very boring read.

Convoluted garbage that should have been in LW you coward. This was in NO way ROMANTIC!

I liked it. For what it's worth i think that you did an excellent job of conveying the intricacy involved in such a situation. Having a very large and very loving family, specially one with ties to law enforcement and the legal system can make all the difference in something like this.

You had a new innocent life created to be raised by single slut parent?

How sensible is that?!

Why? What a bunch of flaming assholes.

Woulda likeda little, a little followup with their new lives, Maria sounds hot and.....you know start a new story with split plots.....bill

this one got 5, 10, no 100% plus for the story line. No one got killed lately, but long term suffering would could maybe bring them back together ? ? ? All kinds of ways to go to continue this write... Any one could try this one ? FTDS ?

What a load of wasted words, it was rubbish. Plot, what plot, did you have one when you started, did you follow it? This was a jumble of paragraphs trying desperately to find some common ground & usually failing. There was no constant emotional feeling

throughout the story, it was patchy, stilted, boring & even sick in parts. Who the hell would ever try to use a yet to be born baby as a means for revenge by deliberately sabotaging the condoms. Worse yet, that single fact says more about YOU the author than your dickhead hero in this tale of woe. I couldn't read the last 2 pages, they might be brilliant but I seriously doubt it. Once you lose a readers attention then nothing short of a miracle will regain it. Bloody horrible.

A very lucky 1 *

You took on a real challenge with this story, and I think it is unfair to rate only this part until the rest is read. Of course many areas of improvement, but that is what experience brings. I would have enjoyed understanding the wife's and mother's motives and thinking, but then you may expand on that in later chapters. So I really appreciate your work and effort up to this point, which by itself deserves a top rating. Looking forward to reading the rest.

I had a problem with getting her pregnant and inflicting this insanity on a child. That is seriously evil. The selfish bitch that she is, she will not care about the child's feelings. The child will suffer given the nature of it's birth and it's parentage. Horrible.

must be nice to have so many friends. lets see, ex special forces. expert hackers and plus members of the mob. who is this guy, a fucking Kennedy. you should get a job writing for soap opera's. on second thought even they would think this was far fetched. hell the only thing you missed was him being a black belt slash ninja. how about an evil twin.

And, also, dumb. Good concept, lousy presentation.

Too complex and there's no inkling in this story of why these two should have ever married in the first place.

You took a good concept and made it too complex. This conspiracy lasted for what, 8-9 months, with many, many people. Word would have leaked out.

Next, there is an unborn child who will face the world being a bastard. Wonderful thinking.

Worst, is you opening. Why would anyone harbor such hatred for nearly a year; learn that his wife was cheating even before her marriage and came from a knowingly cheating female line, and you want a reconciliation?

This truly earns the award, RAAC.

Too over the top, it brought down a nice story

I'll stop here.

Too convoluted? Too awful? I think not, and there wasn't even any cheating - as far as I know for me. As for keeping it all going for long enough to extract his revenge? Probably a valid comment. I know I'm not that controlled a person, loud and profane, that's me. Still a good story, engrossing, captivating, can't wait to see what happens next.

DHL

Gave it up at page 3. Too convoluted and too many characters to keep track of. I can't imagine reading the rest. Why would anyone bother going to such lengths with a cheating spouse.

Nothing like vengeance without killing anyone. All the cheaters should be depressed for a long time. My only worry is about the child that was brought into the world in the middle of this mess. In some states the DNA is irrevelant for Social Services.

Most of this story feels more like an infodump rather than a narrative, and the little direct character interaction there is feels very stilted and clumsily written, the story is just not very immersive, it is the classical problem of showing vs telling.

That's not only burning them down, but making the rubble jump. Bravo both ears and the tail.

Too complicated and dry.

Wish I had been as together when I found the condoms from my ex-wife's affair- also with a supposed friend. Too bad our state law doesn't allow consideration of infidelity in a divorce hearing or custody settlement.

There are two main types of cheating wives stories in the LW's fiction. Good women who messs up and evil woman who get what they deserve. I prefer the first type of story because there is a possibility of redemption and reconciliation. But the second type has the quality of justice served in them. This story is the second type of story.

This cucky author doesnt even realize he is reusing the same plots. Typical crying like a girl husband who is too chicken-shit to confront anyone. Long-winded plot of wanna be revenge made me skip ahead. Annoying writing. If you like wimpy cucky stuff, try Matt Moreau or JBP. They are better cuck writers.

I wonder if he (my assumption) will ever be able to see what he really said about himself? NAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. No way.

not very good and 2 pages too long.

Great BTB story with a great slow buildup to a great end of the first chapter

No more reading.

He kept going too long and then cried!!! What a wimp! Don't care that he caught Rita. Other authors write that after discovery of cheating if you have sexual relationship with spouse you condone it!? True? Don't care. Sure couldn't touch my spouse after finding out she cheated especially that long.

Should have read comments before starting this crap

5stars because it was carefully thought out and well written. Definite btb on mother and daughter. No violence? OK. B U T, with all that sordid shit; why would anyone shed a tear at the comeuppance this family of incestuous cheaters worked so hard to earn? And, the males weren't really dealt with. Soft start like this, I hope the next chapter doesn't go RAAC or cuck.

The main character knew an expert in every field known to mankind, or so it seems. The real tragedy is that the writer apparently doesn't know anyone who can edit or beta-read this over-written, complicated, unbelievable tome. The confrontation is pure sci-fi. No, perhaps fantasy is a more apt description. Judging from the taglines on upcoming chapters, they get back together. That's even more fantastical. This is a six-part series, but I'm one and done.

Romantic at heart and deluded and driven to write overly melodramatic bullshit you mean?

There seems to be a theme with this author. He writes these redemption tales that portray a horrible, disgusting, useless, honorless fucking scum bag who manages to get back everything just by doing a little growing up and apologizing. That doesn't happen. Its juvenile to believe it's possible. Hallmark and lifetime are more believable than this

He stayed with her for like 8 months after knowing what she was doing? Huh?

Overly convoluted, stayed for over half a year to play childish pranks and according to him he just wanted "a wife who works with me and wants children" hard to do that playing dumb games with a loser skank. And he's going to get back with the slag in the end. Nah, I just couldn't do it, I tried and tried to read it, but my god, overly dumb and immature all around, from her, to him all the way to the author. I understand it's all fiction writing and all but it's all so cliche and small minded right down to literotica theme of all mc's being either an architect or an accountant.

Too stupid for wor.....

So, sabotage the condoms and create an innocent life to related parents for some twisted sense of revenge. Sorry, but you lost me right there.

Excellent story. Funny how some commenters are dumber than rocks and haven't figured out that this story is FICTION and then the same one's would be able to tell a fiction from a DMV drivers manual, lol. 5 BIG ASS FUCKING HUGE FLAMING NOVA STARS! Thank you but your score should be much higher than what it is. Must be because the afore mentioned dumber than rocks!

Too complicated, too long and really a very simple story which has often been told.

One of the commenters mentioned the child and how Mike set up the two half siblings to make the kid. Mike didn't know about any of the DNA results until after Cathy was already pregnant. Still not cool to engineer a conception of an innocent child even if he didn't about the incest factor. Otherwise, a complex BTB which was thorough. Mike was probably a little unhinged for a while, but I can't blame him. Now he can go find a better woman.