This is not erotica, not a bit. Yes, it has some sex, some candles and two persons to make a baby, but it's not erotica. Simply because it doesn't sound erotic, it doesn't have right atmosphere.
First wrong thing - there are no characters reader could love. Maybe it sounds ridiculous, but the attractive, lovable main character is necessary. The reader must follow somebody. The reader must fell in love with story, and there's no better method than to create a lovable character. To do that, you must reveal some secrets of a character - like a thoughts, his/her past, hobbies, weaknesses, etc. You must show it a lot. Any ordinary story requires a good character. Erotic stories requires even better characters! That's the iron rule.
And you can't just write "hi, I'm cute main character with a big nose, love me please". That won't work.
So, first thing - you should create extraordinary characters for your stories and do that SLOWLY. If you rush your characters to the epic sex conclusion, that's not gonna work too.
That's the problem number two - Erotic stories aren't about sex.
Yeah, I know. Sounds strange.
They're about relationship and... games. Games between two person in love. Games even BEFORE they're in love. Its games, games, GAMES. The games they play in bed are for desert. But before that the reader must have a main dish - characters, their lives, their fantasies, their struggling against reality (if you writing a realistic story), or just some random games if it's a pure fiction. Without that whole story turns into simple SEX SCENE (which you have now). Sex scenes are boring if you do not care a shit about characters. There are lot of stories, which contains DOZENS of sex scenes and a teardrop of PLOT. They're not interesting at all (well, only if you want to mindlessly jerk off). Somehow I doubt you want to write stories for a just jerking off...
So, try to write your next story with everything I told you in mind.
Characters first. Their lives and thoughts second. Their interaction games for third. Sex for desert. And a good conclusion to make a reader happy (or eager for a next chapter)
Good luck.
by
Anonymous03/06/14
Beautiful!
Beautifully written... I didn't want it to end. My girlfriend and I joke that we have become porn snobs because we are so picky; usually I get a few sentences in and stop reading because the grammar/style is so awful, but I really enjoyed this. Thank you! I look forward to reading more from you :-)
English
Absolutely Outstanding
Delightful writing. Sensual, loving and really very special. Thank you.
Oh my...
This is not erotica, not a bit. Yes, it has some sex, some candles and two persons to make a baby, but it's not erotica. Simply because it doesn't sound erotic, it doesn't have right atmosphere.
First wrong thing - there are no characters reader could love. Maybe it sounds ridiculous, but the attractive, lovable main character is necessary. The reader must follow somebody. The reader must fell in love with story, and there's no better method than to create a lovable character. To do that, you must reveal some secrets of a character - like a thoughts, his/her past, hobbies, weaknesses, etc. You must show it a lot. Any ordinary story requires a good character. Erotic stories requires even better characters! That's the iron rule.
And you can't just write "hi, I'm cute main character with a big nose, love me please". That won't work.
So, first thing - you should create extraordinary characters for your stories and do that SLOWLY. If you rush your characters to the epic sex conclusion, that's not gonna work too.
That's the problem number two - Erotic stories aren't about sex.
Yeah, I know. Sounds strange.
They're about relationship and... games. Games between two person in love. Games even BEFORE they're in love. Its games, games, GAMES. The games they play in bed are for desert. But before that the reader must have a main dish - characters, their lives, their fantasies, their struggling against reality (if you writing a realistic story), or just some random games if it's a pure fiction. Without that whole story turns into simple SEX SCENE (which you have now). Sex scenes are boring if you do not care a shit about characters. There are lot of stories, which contains DOZENS of sex scenes and a teardrop of PLOT. They're not interesting at all (well, only if you want to mindlessly jerk off). Somehow I doubt you want to write stories for a just jerking off...
So, try to write your next story with everything I told you in mind.
Characters first. Their lives and thoughts second. Their interaction games for third. Sex for desert. And a good conclusion to make a reader happy (or eager for a next chapter)
Good luck.
Beautiful!
Beautifully written... I didn't want it to end. My girlfriend and I joke that we have become porn snobs because we are so picky; usually I get a few sentences in and stop reading because the grammar/style is so awful, but I really enjoyed this. Thank you! I look forward to reading more from you :-)
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to BlondeStar-Exposed Desire or
More submissions by blondestar.