Didn't ring true, evenif the idea was there.
Just not the way an 18 year old girl would speak and least of all act.
Sorry, but from one feamle to another, start over.
by
Anonymous10/03/06
dont care
yo fuck that comment this was a pretty good story i honestly loved keep writing
by
Anonymous12/21/07
hmmm. ..
a few more drafts and speach re written, you could have a believable story, but some dialogue is a little hard to believe.
by
Anonymous02/28/08
good but
good but could have been better especially if you had finished the story by letting us know what happened when the parents came home did the parents find out did the kids move out together did she get pregnantyou left a lot up in the air
English
Not to be believed
Didn't ring true, evenif the idea was there.
Just not the way an 18 year old girl would speak and least of all act.
Sorry, but from one feamle to another, start over.
dont care
yo fuck that comment this was a pretty good story i honestly loved keep writing
hmmm. ..
a few more drafts and speach re written, you could have a believable story, but some dialogue is a little hard to believe.
good but
good but could have been better especially if you had finished the story by letting us know what happened when the parents came home did the parents find out did the kids move out together did she get pregnantyou left a lot up in the air
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to It's Been So Long or
More submissions by bakerdan.